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Sign the person up for spam mailing lists. Send a voodoo doll to your enemy’s home. Scare the you-know-what out of the person when they go to use the bathroom. Offer your enemy a puke-tacular mayonnaise-filled pastry. Disturb the person's rest with an online wake-up call service. Hire a professional to help you exact vengeance covertly. Commission a skywriter to deliver a scathing message. Sabotage your enemy’s reputation or personal relationships.
Get a hold of your enemy’s home or email address and put their name down for every advertising service you can dig up. In no time at all, they’ll be bombarded by irritating junk mail every time they make a trip to the mailbox or check their messages. This is one of the best ways to get even without causing much harm.   For bonus petty points, look for mailing list subscriptions advertising potentially embarrassing products and services, such as penis enlargement, hair loss treatment, or illiteracy programs. If you really want to put a cherry on top of your sundae, sneak in some fake personal mail here and there, like an addressed envelope filled with glitter or a package containing dog poop, an old fish, or some moldy cheese. If you’re looking for a more lighthearted rib, search for an online practical joke company that sells handmade gag voodoo dolls based on real people’s likenesses and send them a photo or description of the person you want to curse. They’ll be in for an ominous surprise when they tear open the mysterious package, which they’ll receive in 3-10 business days. To spice up your wicked warning, mail an anonymous letter to your enemy containing a set of needles and a note reading, “Don’t make me use these.” This one's a classic—pick up a pack of bang snaps (also known as pop-its, cherry poppers, and devil bangers) from your local gag gift store and tape 3 or 4 to each of the bumpers on the underside of your enemy's toilet seat. When they sit down to do their business, they'll trigger a series of miniature explosions sure to send their bowels leaping into their throat. Pulling off this startling stunt will require you to have access to your enemy's home, or at least be three steps ahead of them the next time they head to the facilities at school or work. Carefully cut open a donut or danish, replace the delicious filling with oily mayo, then put it back together and leave it where your unsuspecting nemesis will find it. Be sure to lock eyes with them as they take the ill-fated bite to let them know that you got 'em. The taste is guaranteed to come back to haunt them every time they so much as think about dessert.  You could enact this little ruse using just about any type of cream-filled confection, including éclairs, cannolis, strudels, and macarons.  Tricking someone with the old mayo donut is a good way to teach them an unappetizing lesson about eating other people's food. If you have your enemy's phone number, you have everything you need to give them a rude awakening. Just plug the number into a free wake-up call service website like Snoozester or WakeUpDialer, choose a time (the earlier, the better), and picture the look of utter frustration on their face when they're roused from their peaceful slumber by an annoying automated message at the butt-crack of dawn.  Chances are, your enemy will eventually block the unknown number when they catch on to what's happening. Use a different website each day to ensure that the calls keep coming through and deny them a good night's sleep. Twist the torture dial even further by scheduling a wake-up call every hour on the hour throughout the night. That way, they'll be jolted awake just when they've succeeded in falling back to sleep. Assisted revenge has become a booming business. For a price, web-based companies like Nefarious Jobs and will plan and execute the perfect revenge scheme for you so you don’t have to get your hands dirty. All you have to do is sit back, relax, and savor your enemy’s anguish.  Examples of some of the devious deeds these companies may perform include mailing your victim envelopes of itching powder, spoiling their favorite TV series for them, and breaking the news that they've been diagnosed with imaginary diseases.  Best of all, most revenge services operate anonymously, which means there’s no way that  the pranks they pull can be traced back to you. Some companies also give you the option of requesting revenge-related advice if you’d prefer to twist the knife yourself. Get in touch with a commercial aviation service in your area that specializes in skywriting. You can then turn your eyes to the skies with glee as a trail of smoke or billowing banner spells out a slap in the face or lifts the lid on one of their most sensitive secrets.   Make your message short and not-so-sweet: “Allison Smith is afraid of squirrels” or “Bobby McGee still wets the bed” will put a humiliating period at the end of your feud. Schedule your flight for a nice day with clear weather, preferably in an area where lots of people who know your enemy will be gathered, like downtown or near an outdoor concert. Skywriting is an impressively elaborate method of sticking it to a foe, but it’s not cheap. You can expect to pay between $1,000 and $3,000 for  smoke trail, and as much as $500 per hour and $2 per square foot for a custom banner. Call the person’s parents and have a serious conversation with them about their child’s misbehavior. Send their boyfriend or girlfriend a Facebook message claiming that you just spotted them out on a date to stir up trouble. Spread damaging rumors about the people in their squad that point back to them and dent the armor of their friendship. Tactics like these may be dirty, but they’re effective. Keep in mind that by setting out to ruin your nemesis, innocent people could get caught in the crossfire. Such is the indifferent, destructive hurricane that is revenge.