Summarize:

Communication is the most important element of any relationship. If you don’t communicate, you won’t know each other’s problems and concerns. As a result, you won’t be able to form a relationship that is respecting of both of your unique qualities. Both parties need to define boundaries and come to a mutual agreement about each other’s space, independence, and autonomy. You need to understand what your elderly person is comfortable with when it comes to being assisted or being subtly monitored to make sure they are okay.  Talk to them about their expectations about your relationship. What do they expect of you in terms of assistance and interaction? Discuss use of shared space like the bathroom, kitchen, or living room. Come to an agreement about under what circumstances family or friends will visit. Discuss use of each other's personal belongings, like dishes, appliances, and even food. Figure out who pays for what ahead of time. Having finances decided and agreed upon ahead of time could save you from a headache or even legal fees in the future. Records will make a big difference here, so if you start out knowing who pays for what, and have it written down, you are ahead of the game. Also, consider the following:  Include relatives in discussions about money. If you’re going to be living with an elderly family member, make sure to speak with your other relatives to be transparent about your financial agreement. Be open to their feedback, especially if they will be contributing to the cost. This will help you avoid problems and resentment in the future. Consider the cost. If you will be covering the cost of your elderly relative, be informed about the costs. One recent study found that caregivers spend about $5,500 per year caring for elderly relatives. Another study concluded that caregivers spent almost $15,000 a year caring for their elderly relative. Avoid treating the person like a child. Older people have experienced life much more deeply than we often appreciate, and have many more life experiences. Ask your elderly person questions about their life, what they think, and what they care about. When possible, they should have as much privacy and personal space as it is practical to allow. Don’t turn yourself into a caregiver or a nurse without need or invitation and don't violate their personal space. Always communicate first if you are concerned about your elderly roommate. Let him or her make their own choices and do not substitute your own judgement for theirs. Every adult has the capacity to make at least some, if not all, of his or her own decisions, so help enhance the person's capacity to do and choose as much as possible for himself or herself. Don't assume merely because of advanced age that people cannot manage their own affairs, even if you do not agree with them. You’re the younger person with less experience. Your elderly roommate probably has wisdom and experience well beyond your own. Talk to them and ask them for guidance on issues that pertain to both of you.
Communicate with your elderly roommate. Define boundaries. Figure out finances. Give the person respect as an individual. Give the person privacy. Support the older person's autonomy. Appreciate their wisdom and life experiences.