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Choose an empathetic friend who is a good listener. Say you need to vent about the breakup. Have this friend listen as you reflect on the breakup.  Make sure you select a friend who is a good listener. A friend who tends to interrupt, or give advice, is not the best option. Self-reflection can help you understand the loss. As you go over the relationship with a friend, you may begin to see what went wrong. You can process the information out loud, which can allow you to see something you missed before. Let your friend know exactly what you need from them. Whether it's a shoulder to cry on, someone to bring you out for a good time, or a fellow person to be angry with, your friend should know what you want from them. For example, you could say, "Thanks for listening to me, Jen. I know I've talked a lot about this breakup with you, and I really appreciate that you're taking the time to listen. I need to talk this through again to help me understand what happened." As with talking, writing is a great form of self reflection. Try writing down your thoughts in a journal. You can also write a letter to your ex you do not intend to send. Here, you can talk about your confusion and sadness over the breakup.  You can express anything you wanted to say to your ex but could not. Talk about what you loved about the relationship, but also what was frustrating. Do not censor yourself. Just let your thoughts unfold. You may gain some insight through writing. As you write about the relationship, you may have a realization about why it ended. You may, for example, start to see you and your ex were very different as you write things down. This can help you gain insight. During a period of self reflection, ask yourself hard questions about the relationship. The answers to these questions may help you understand why things ended.  Were you and your ex really right for one another? Think about whether you were compatible long term. Did you have different interests and goals? Were you personalities always compatible? Were the two of you really in love? Love does fade over time. It's possible the passion had drained from the relationship. Were there any differences you missed before? Some differences and disagreements are hard to reconcile. It's not always possible to understand why a relationship ended. Human beings are complicated. You may not get an understandable answer, even if you were able to speak to your ex.  Try to come to terms with the fact there will always be confusion surrounding a breakup. Even if your ex were to explain, there's a chance you would not understand or accept his explanation. Remember, you can heal from the breakup without closure. While it can be helpful to know why things ended, it is not necessary to move forward. Ask yourself if knowing why it ended will make it hurt any less.
Talk things over with a friend. Write out your feelings. Ask certain questions. Accept you may not get closure.