Article: Accept that your relative will never start behaving differently unless they want to. Don't try to talk them into changing or make them understand how you feel. Instead, take a step back and make a conscious decision to prioritize your own well-being instead of theirs for a while.   If your relative is self-destructive, understand that you cannot save them from themselves. You may even be inadvertently encouraging their behavior by giving them the attention they want. Do not feel like you have to explain your choices, especially not more than once. Also, do not get pulled into a conversation where you end up defending your choices. Your family member is completely responsible for their own actions, no matter what they might say to the contrary. Don't make excuses for them or let them tell you it's your fault. Passive aggression is a favorite tactic of toxic people. If your family member becomes passive-aggressive with you, recognize it for the manipulative tactic it is, and don't let it get under your skin. It is best not to respond at all, and then vent about it later to a trusted friend or therapist. . Decide which situations and behaviors you're no longer willing to deal with. Let your family members know what they can expect from you and what you need from them. Be firm about your boundaries. Don't back down or apologize for them.  Make a list of the behaviors you will not tolerate. Share this list with your family. You might say, "I lent out a great deal of money to Jeff, and he never bothered to pay me back. For this reason, I won't be lending money to family anymore." Asserting your boundaries may take time and practice if you've let other people push you around in the past. If someone tries to convince you to violate a boundary, say something like "We've already discussed this. I'm firm on my decision." If they continue to push, then it is okay to ignore it.  Hang up the phone or end the conversation when they start to push against a boundary. Whether you're planning on severing the relationship or not, create some distance between yourself and your dysfunctional family member. Avoid visiting them, talking to them on the phone, or attending family gatherings where they're present. Notice how you feel when your relative isn't an active part of your life.  Distancing yourself can create a sense of guilt, especially if you've been in a codependent relationship with your relative. Don't feel obligated to break your silence before you're ready. Getting some time and space away from your relative can help you gain perspective and decide whether to cut ties for good. Decide what you will say to other family members who ask about your decision to distance yourself. Make sure to keep this brief and firm and don't open it up for discussion. For example, you might say something like, “I decided that getting some distance was the healthiest thing for me, and so far it has been.”

What is a summary?
Stop trying to change the dysfunctional person. Avoid blaming yourself or others for your relative's behavior.  Create healthy boundaries Distance yourself.