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The child is at their wits' end, and if you get agitated or start yelling, then that will only further stress them. Instead, take some deep breaths and handle the situation as calmly and compassionately if you can.   If they are still semi-verbal, you can try asking what's wrong.  Trying to control the child through yelling, threats of punishment, or grabbing them is likely to backfire. You want to decrease stress, not increase it. A meltdown is the result of too much stress, so anything that removes stress is likely to make the meltdown shorter and less dramatic. If any loved ones are nearby, you can have them help you do tasks like pausing a movie or handling a shopping cart while you take the child out.   Shoo away bystanders. Minimize talking. The child may be too stressed to process many words. Retract any demands placed on the child. Fix any upsetting sensory input (such as loud music or bright lights). Help them remove any uncomfortable clothing if they're trying to get it off. Sometimes, autistic kids get so stressed that they start hurting themselves in order to drown out everything else. Figure out what sense they're targeting, and see if you can give them sensory stimulation in a safer way. After the meltdown, you can talk to the child about whether you helped and what you could do next time.    Reduce the harm: Put a thick cushion between them and whatever they're hitting. Move sharp or dangerous objects away from the child.  Provide a good alternative. For example, a child who is hitting might be willing to hit the couch or push the wall.  Target the appropriate sense. A biting or hitting child needs deep pressure, such as a tight squeeze. A screaming child needs auditory stimulation, so blast loud music, and try moving around the speakers. A child who throws things needs vestibular input, so get them to spin, jump, or swing. Continue until the child stops you. Remove the child from the area if possible, and take them somewhere quiet such as an unoccupied room or a peaceful place outdoors. If they have a calming down corner, let them use it. Do your best to make the area quiet and peaceful for them.   A quiet place is ideal because it can help reduce sensory overload and let the child recover without interruptions. This can be difficult if you are stuck somewhere, such as on an airplane. If this is the case, you may be able to use items like hoodies, headphones, and a tablet to get them "in their own world" for a while. Think about whatever tends to help the child calm down. Offer it, without forcing it if the child declines. (They may not want it if they're too overwhelmed.) Do your best to make coping strategies available, without pushing.  A favorite toy A hand to hold Their favorite music A tight hug (but only if they agree to it first) Sometimes, the child may want a comforting presence to snuggle, hold hands, or listen to their woes. Other times, they might prefer to calm down alone. Ask "Would you like me to stay with you?" and act according to their answer.   If you leave them, try giving them something to do (like a book, tablet, or simple activity like a coloring book). This can help them calm down and focus on something comforting. If they need constant supervision, try sitting nearby. You can use this time to check your email or read a good book. A meltdown is an exhausting ordeal. Depending on the severity of the meltdown, recovery may take anytime from 30 minutes to the rest of the day. Allow them to rest on their own schedule.

summary: Act in a calm and reassuring manner. Reduce sensory input and stressors as much as possible. Focus on harm reduction if they start self-injuring. Help the child take a break. Offer something calming as they regain awareness of their surroundings. Ask them if they want you to stay. Give them time to recover.


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Talk to your partner about what you want from this relationship. Then, ask them what they’re hoping to get from it. Make sure that you either share the same expectations or can find a compromise that makes you both happy. You might say, “I want this relationship to be long-term, so I’m hoping that we’ll eventually live in the same place.” Just like an offline relationship, you and your partner should talk to one another and set your relationship goals and boundaries.Discuss what you both want for the future so you’re on the same page. Having goals can help you both feel like this relationship has a future. Talk about what you both want, then start creating a timeline for making your goals happen. Your relationship goals might be, “We’ll be exclusive to each other,” “We’ll talk every day,” and “We’ll work on plans to live in the same city.” Sometimes it’s hard to meet your online partner, so don’t worry if it’s not feasible right now. However, meeting in person can help you feel connected with your partner and like you have a real future. Start planning your meeting by making a check-list of what you need to get done. Then, begin working on your check-list so you can eventually meet in person.  For example, you might need to save money for a trip, take time off work, buy a plane ticket, rent a hotel room, and get a ride to the airport. Try to create a timeline for your trip so it feels like you can really make it happen. Being in an online relationship can feel hard at times, especially since you can’t physically touch your partner. To help you deal with these feelings, build a support network for yourself by spending more time with your friends and loved ones. Reach out to them when you need in-person support or physical contact, like a hug.  Try to spend time with friends or relatives at least once a week. However, more time is even better! Share your online relationship with the people in your life so that everyone knows about it. Treat it just like you would an in-person relationship.

summary: Talk about your relationship expectations so you’re doing this together. Set relationship goals together. Plan an in-person meeting. Maintain strong relationships with your friends and family for support.


Summarize the following:
Have girl friends over, too. Emphasize to your parents that these boys are just friends. The more regular and neutral these visits, the better to warm your parents up to the idea of external male figures in your life. As weird as it may sound, band your boyfriend with the rest at first. If you've played it cool enough, your parents won't suspect a thing. After a while, your parents will probably loosen up and become used to having him around. This way when (and if) you choose to introduce him to them as your boyfriend, they won't be as disapproving. They will know him and have seen you interact, and they will know that it is a healthy relationship. Never close the door to your room. That just calls for your parents to get suspicious. Have a very open and casual "friendship" with him in front of your family so that they are not uncomfortable or second-guessing anything. Once they are friendly with him and are used to having him around, you may choose to tell them about him or continue with how you're going. Whether they like him or not generally plays a large role in that.
summary: Normalize having guy friends over. Tell them he's just a friend. Make him familiar to your parents as a friend. Consider when and whether it's time to tell your parents.