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Slowly support your teen in developing their independence as they mature. For example, let your younger teen choose how to decorate their room and style their hair. Older teens may be able to use the car, attend activities without an adult, or hold a part-time job. A controlling parent may face increased conflict with a teen who seeks independence. Ask your teen what independence they’d like and come to some compromises. Teens are often concerned with social relationships, fitting in with peers, and making social decisions such as whether to use drugs or engage in sexual activity.  They will likely want to spend more time with friends than with their family. While it’s important for them to be a part of the family, make sure that you respect their need to engage in friendships, be with friends, and create their social identity.  Allow your teen to join clubs or groups or do other social activities (such as go to the skate park, join sports teams, or hang out with friends). Ask your teenager about their friends, and try to learn their names. Before they hang out, meet their friends in person if you can. Teens want increasing independence and this includes needs for privacy, too. It might feel like your teen is tuning you out or ignoring you, but they are likely wanting some space to be alone (or with friends). Respect their desire for privacy and consider giving them increased privacy as they get older. If your teen isn’t forthright in talking to you or wants to spend less time with you, don’t take it personally and instead, see it is a developmental stage. You do, however, get the final say in their activities and should look out for their safety. It’s natural for teens to fall asleep later (after 11 p.m.) and sleep in the next morning. Be mindful of these sleep patterns, but also encourage them to get adequate sleep. Not getting enough sleep can affect their moods, memory, and concentration.  If your teen struggles to get restful sleep, remove electronic devices from their bedrooms (cell phones, televisions, tablets, etc) so that the light does not stimulate them instead of relaxing them.  A consistent bedtime can also help with getting more restful sleep. No matter how many warnings you give, teens often prefer to learn experientially. Some teens may need to fail or make mistakes in order to learn from them and be responsible. As a parent, it’s difficult to watch your child fail. Let them know that you support them, love them, and you will be there for them, no matter the outcome. Be there to comfort your teen when they are disappointed, even if you want to say, “I told you so.”
Allow them levels of independence. Accept their social needs. Respect their privacy. Recognize their sleep habits. Let them make their own mistakes.