Summarize:

It’s important that you establish a time and place where you can speak to your friend without fear of anyone overhearing your conversation.  Your friend may be embarrassed of the situation, or worse, you could put your friend in danger by having the conversation where the abuser may overhear.  Tell your friend that you would like to set some time aside to speak one on one and in private.  Let him or her know that it’s important. Choose a time and place that provides safety, privacy, and in which you won’t have to cut your conversation short because of other obligations. Tell your friend that you are worried about their wellbeing, and that you are speaking to them because you care deeply about them.  It may come as a shock that people have noticed what they are going through, and they may initially respond by being dismissive of your concerns.  It’s important that you let them know that you want to help.  Let them know that you are an ally and that you care about them. Explain that what they are going through isn’t right and that they should not be treated in an abusive manner. Listen to them when they speak and remain calm to avoid making your friend feel as though they are cornered. Embarrassment is a common reaction among people who have experienced abuse.  Many feel as though the abuse is the result of their own shortcomings or failures.  Make it clear that they did nothing to deserve being hurt or abused and avoid saying things that could lead them to believe you are judging them like, “why would you let this happen?”  Tell your friend that no matter what they do, they do not deserve to suffer abuse. Emphasize how important their safety is to you and let them know that they can trust you to keep what you talk about between the two of you. Your friend may not believe that they are in an abusive relationship, so you may need to explain what you’ve seen and how you perceive it as inappropriate.  Be honest without being argumentative.  Explain what has led you to meeting with them like this and how your concerns are making you feel. Let him or her know that domestic abuse tends to escalate over time and things may get worse. Emphasize that you are there to support them no matter what, but that you’d like to help them get out of the abusive situation. After you discuss what has been going on, give your friend the contact information or pamphlets from local shelters or outreach programs that may be able to provide them with guidance or resources.  You can find a list of resources for victims and survivors of abuse at http://youth.gov/youth-topics/teen-dating-violence/resources  DomesticShelters.org offers a list of shelters throughout the country people can stay in when leaving abusive relationships or homes. Centers.Rainn.Org can provide you with a list by state or zip code of organizations that can help in cases of rape, abuse or incest. Do some internet research for local organizations that can help as well. Depending on your age and situation, you may not be certain about who you can go to for help.  If you are minors, speak to a teacher, a coach or someone you trust at your school.  If you are adults, it may be up to you and your friend to make a plan to get out of the abusive situation.  If your friend is physically abused, contact law enforcement regardless of your age.  Police officers often cannot do anything unless responding to active situation, but do not wait for the abuser to hurt your friend to get help. Adults may seek support from others that can give them guidance and help them make the transition away from an abusive relationship.  The National Domestic Violence Hotline can help.  Call them at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE).
Set up a time to talk. Make it clear that you are there because you are concerned. Emphasize that your friend is not at fault. Explain your concerns. Provide your friend with information on local resources. Seek help with your friend.