Ensuring that you reflect a consistent image to your kids is an important part of being a good mom. Children repeat behaviors that their parents do, so avoid setting rules and standards for your kids you don’t follow yourself.  For example, if you have a hard rule about lying in your household, avoid telling lies whenever possible in front of your kids. That way, you’ll seem more credible and admirable. This also includes modeling things like being a hard worker, eating healthy foods, and not using drugs or alcohol. Whether with your spouse, co-parent, family members, friends, or regular people in the community, show your kids how to treat people appropriately. Let them know what it means to be a good friend and/or partner, such as teaching them to actively listen, compromise, and share with others. Use teachable moments when you and your spouse disagree (on lighter matters) to show your kids how to work through conflicts. Being a role model extends beyond basic behavior to humanity in general. If you want to be a good mother, be a good person. Lend a helping hand to a neighbor in need, volunteer in your local community, and advocate for the underdogs of society.  Commit to a family community service project, like serving at a soup kitchen over the holidays. Modeling compassion and empathy for others increases the likelihood that your children will be assets to society. Be a standup mom who understands you’re not perfect and is willing to acknowledge your shortcomings. Admitting your own wrongdoing  shows your kids that there’s nothing to be ashamed of about mistakes—as long as they fess up and try to make amends. For instance, if you accidentally compare one kid to another, acknowledge that is was wrong by saying, “Jeff, I want to apologize to you. I compared you to your brother yesterday and I shouldn’t have. Each of you is special with your own qualities. Will you forgive me?”

Summary: Do your best to practice what you preach. Model healthy relationships. Be an upstanding citizen in the world. Admit when you’re wrong, and apologize.


Ask yourself what traits your ideal self has that you don’t possess now. These are the qualities you will work on developing to replace your negative traits. For instance, your ideal self might be more outgoing, punctual, and tidy than you are right now. Ask yourself why you admire certain people. Chances are good that they have some personality traits you could cultivate in yourself.  Consider people you look up to in real life as well as public figures like athletes and celebrities. Try reading autobiographies or watching videos about inspirational people on Youtube. This can help you to identify traits that these people possess that you admire and would like to have yourself. Many traits that are often considered negative actually have some positives built into them. Look for ways to preserve the positive part of the trait while minimizing the negative part. For instance, many shy people are good listeners, and many aggressive people make natural leaders. If you try to change multiple personality traits at once, you won’t be able to focus on any of them. Instead, select just one or two of the most important qualities you want to work on, and leave the others for later. Choose a goal that will make your later goals easier to achieve. For instance, if one of your objectives is to stop being lazy and develop a good work ethic, it would make sense to tackle that one first over getting promoted at your job.
Summary: Visualize your ideal self. Find people who inspire you. Ask yourself whether you can turn negatives into positives. Choose just one or two traits to focus on at first.