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Identify your privacy issues, and take steps to solve them. If your schedules are packed, look for ways you can cut back on your commitments and prioritize private time with each other. If you have kids and thin walls, trying playing music when you have adult conversations or are intimate with each other. Privacy is hard to come by when you have kids. If possible, try getting a babysitter so you can go on a weekend trip or spend a night at a hotel. Dress well and maintain your personal hygiene to attract your spouse. If necessary, talk to your spouse about their grooming habits.  It might be an awkward conversation, but talk to your spouse about grooming habits. You could say, “I know I’m guilty of wearing clothes that are overdue for a wash. If we both make an effort into looking and smelling our best, we might have better luck in the bedroom.” If you put effort into your hygiene and appearance but your spouse doesn't, be honest with them. Try telling them, “I love you, and I know this is a tough conversation. It bothers me that you wear the same clothes every day, or when you go too long without showering. I think it would help our relationship if you could put a little more effort into personal hygiene.” If you haven’t had sex in a while, therapists recommend sensate focus, which involves touching each other in intimate, but nonsexual, ways. Try taking off your clothes, massaging each other, and softly running your fingertips over each other.  Touch each other, but avoid making contact with your genitals at first. The goal is to get comfortable with being naked with each other and coming into contact with each other. When you both feel comfortable, work up to more sexual forms of contact. Don't worry if it takes more than 1 session of sensate focus. Express that you want to share your sexual desires with each other without fear of judgment. Tell your partner about your fantasies, turn-ons, desires, and new things you want to try. Ask them to share their desires with you.  Try saying, “We love each other and we’re married. We can trust each other with our fantasies and desires. I won’t judge you, and I hope you won’t judge me.” When your partner touches you and it feels good, let them know. If they need instruction, tell them how you want them to touch you, and ask them how they want you to touch them. Keep your expectations realistic. Don’t set goals like having sex every night or even every week, and don’t expect for the experience to be mind-blowing when you’re just starting out. Take things slow, and emphasize that you’re both willing to be patient with each other. From chronic pain conditions to medications that lower sex drive, you or your spouse might be dealing with a physical limitation. Your doctor might be able to help you work through it, so ask them for advice.  For instance, ask if they can recommend an alternative medication with fewer side effects, or if they have tips for management pain. If you or your spouse haven't already been diagnosed with a medical condition, your doctor might identify an underlying issue related that might affect sexual desire. If sex isn’t an option, don’t force it on yourself or your partner. Have patience, work on nonsexual forms of intimacy, and revisit sexuality in the future.
Schedule private time whenever possible. Maintain your hygiene and appearance, and ask the same of your spouse. Start with nonsexual physical contact. Be open about what you find pleasurable. Try not to put too much pressure on each other. Consult a doctor about medical conditions that interfere with sex.