Q: This may sound crazy, but it's actually a great rule of thumb when you're trying to speak kindly and mind your manners. You probably wouldn't curse someone out in front of your grandmother, even if you really, really want to. This is great when you absolutely have to be nice to someone but don't even know how to start. Whether or not you agree with them, they have got to feel heard. People often lash out at others because they feel like that is the only way they will be heard or taken seriously. Maintain eye contact and nod to convey that you're taking in their words.  Say things like, “I understand what you're saying.” This does NOT mean that you agree with it, but that you are taking in everything. Do not interrupt. Do not speak over them. Just let them say what they need to say. Tell them that you can see that they're angry or upset, and simply ask what you can do to alleviate their stress. Just offering this can help the situation immensely.  If you cannot do what they ask of you, try to find a compromise. Make effort to end the tense situation by being helpful. By asking them what they need, they also may realize that there isn't anything you can do personally. This might help them realize that they're taking their anger out on the wrong person. It's great to keep calm and speak kindly to them, but you can take it one step further to alleviate any tension or friction that may exist in the relationship. The most important thing is to be genuine and gracious, and a random act of kindness or a spontaneous favor can go a long way.  If you're dealing with a grumpy coworker, pick up an extra coffee for them in the morning. Not only will they appreciate the gesture, but the caffeine may improve their mood as well! Deliver sweet treats or flowers to a callous neighbor. It's a lovely favor that is outside of your comfort zone, and it will show them that you want a friendly relationship. Give them a handwritten note. Let them know what you appreciate about them or simply wish them a great day. Handwritten notes are less common nowadays, and they show the person that you've put in time and effort to brighten their day. The easiest way to be genuine is to be transparent with the other person. If you're doing them favor or giving them a gift because you want to improve your relationship, just say that! Clarify that your kindness is wholeheartedly sincere, and eliminate any suspicion of sarcasm or ulterior motives.
A: Speak to that person as if your grandma was listening. Listen to the person. Ask them specific questions. Do tangible acts of kindness for the mean person. Be genuine.

Q: A therapist, counselor, rabbi, minister or another professional will have had experience in helping people cope with unhappy experiences of love. It can be helpful to talk to someone who doesn’t have a personal investment in the situation, who can talk to you without being concerned about taking sides. Self-pity can be due to a long history of bad relationships, starting from childhood. You may need to work through these issues to start improving your relationships. You should not attempt to do this on your own. Seek help from a mental health professional who can guide you through this process.  You may want to check with the therapist to see if examining your past relationships is something that he or she can help you to do. Some therapists prefer to focus on the present rather than digging up problems from your past. Keep in mind that this process can be quite painful and it will take time to complete. You can trust a professional not to share your personal information with others. Seeing a professional can be expensive, but often insurance coverage can help defray the costs. There are also clinics which offer counseling services for free or lower-cost for low income people. . When you've been involved in an unhappy love situation, you might conclude that no one wants you. However, this is a result of rejection and/or being in a bad relationship. Instead, take this opportunity to remind yourself of your positive qualities.  Practicing self-love will aid the healing process of a broken heart, as it affirms your self-worth and self-esteem. If you find yourself engaging in negative self-talk, check yourself. Are these words that you would say to a loved one? If not, consider what you might say to someone whom you loved. There are lots of good reasons to share your feelings with another person. Talking about your frustration will help you see your relationship in a new way, which may offer solutions you hadn’t thought about before.  Talking with a trusted friend is a great way to release pent-up feelings, and will help you feel better. You’ll likely find out that your friend has had similar experiences, which will help if you’re feeling alone. Low self-esteem is an unrealistically negative evaluation of yourself. People with low self-esteem are more likely to find themselves in unhappy love situations. As you develop your ability to care about yourself, you’ll be less likely to feel sorry for yourself.  Perhaps this is a good time to try new activities, join self-help groups, or volunteer to help someone less fortunate than yourself. Paying attention to your own feelings can help you develop self-esteem. When you don’t respect your own feelings, you’re left to believe whatever other people tell you you should feel. Moving your body is an excellent way to stop feeling sorry for yourself. When you force yourself to exercise and get your heart pumping, you’ll start to feel better about yourself. The endorphins that come from exercise will kick in, elevating your mood.   Remember the old expression, “Move a muscle, change a thought.” Exercise helps everything about your life: you’ll sleep better, you’ll become healthier and more fit, and you’ll feel less stressed. When you notice your internal dialogue (or self-talk) repeating negativity, find a way to see things in a new light. For example, if you find yourself telling yourself, “You’re so stupid!” remind yourself that, “That’s okay, it was just a little mistake.” If it was a big mistake, remind yourself that you’ll learn from the experience. You can say, “It’s human to make mistakes. I love myself anyway, and I don’t have to be perfect.”  Being understanding towards yourself when you make a mistake will help you heal as you cope with unreturned feelings of love. When you’re in love with the wrong person, it’s especially important to practice kindness to yourself. This means prioritizing what you want, feel and think. People who fall in love with the wrong person often have spent more time relying on what other people want for them, rather than on what they want for themselves. If you’re trying to cope with an unhappy experience of love, restore your balance by paying attention to yourself.  Consider what really makes you feel happy. When do you feel most “like yourself”? Do more of these things.  When you find yourself doing things that make you feel awkward, silly, or unimportant, it’s okay to try to minimize these things in your life.
A:
Consider talking to a professional. Learn to love yourself Talk to someone you trust. Start to build your self-esteem. Get active. Practice kindness to yourself. Live intentionally.