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Assertiveness is about getting your needs met in appropriate and respectful ways. The more assertive you can be, the more likely you will get what you want.   Be direct. Approach your friend calmly and tactfully. Listen to her point of view, and then explain how you feel. Use “I statements,” such as, “I felt angry when I heard you were talking bad about me to other people.” Make sure you emphasize how you feel instead of what the other person did; you should always state your feelings first in order to reduce the likelihood that the other person will react emotionally or take it personally. Focus on positive aspects of the relationship. You could say something like, "Your friendship means a lot to me and I don't want this to come between us.” Maintain positive eye contact. Don’t stare without looking away every once in a while, and don’t avoid eye contact. Maintain eye-contact that is comfortable, look away every once in a while, then regain eye-contact. Aggressive communication is based on, “I’m okay, you’re not okay” thinking. It assumes that you are right and the other person is wrong. Examples of aggressive communication include: raising your voice or yelling, threatening, putting down the other person (e.g., “You’re stupid”), and pointing your fingers. Avoid engaging in hurtful behaviors such as name-calling, put-downs, or blaming. For example, don’t say things like, "I can't believe you did that. I hate you. You’re stupid.” Instead, say something assertive like, "I felt really angry when I heard that you were talking about me behind my back. I know that it may have been taken out of context, but can you give me your side of what happened? I'd like to understand where you're coming from." Some people back down and beg for forgiveness at the first sign of a fight, even when they are not the only one responsible for the issue. However, passive behaviors like avoiding confrontation are associated with more negativity within friendships.  Don’t avoid the problem, this can result in unresolved conflict.  Don’t apologize for everything, only your part in the problem. In other words, do not take the entire blame. There are always two people in a conflict, and in most case both people exhibit behaviors that contribute to the issue. Look at your friend and maintain eye-contact instead of staring at the floor or fidgeting. Do not simply accommodate the other person’s will or wishes. Your needs are just as important. Passive-aggression is associated with showing your aggression in a passive way. Instead of telling someone how you feel, you tell the person through your actions. These passive forms of aggression can be confusing and hurtful.  Some examples of passive-aggressive communication are sarcasm, talking behind the person’s back (speaking negatively about her to others), spreading rumors, or getting other people to dislike your friend.
Practice being assertive. Reduce aggressiveness. Limit passive communication. Avoid engaging in passive-aggressive behaviors.