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Instead of agonizing over what you can’t change, figure out what is in your control and what you can change. Make a list of problems in your life and pinpoint which things you can control and which ones you can’t. For example, if you’re dealing with family drama, you might say, “I can’t control how my sister behaves. I can set healthy boundaries and say ‘no’ when she makes unreasonable demands.” Sometimes things will happen to you that are out of your control. Since you can't change or fix these things, let them go. It’s okay to acknowledge these things and feel frustrated by them. Remind yourself that it’s not helpful to dwell on things you can’t fix, however, and then go do something productive to take your mind off of it.  Things in our past are beyond our control. Learn from past mistakes, but try not to fixate on them. You can't successfully move forward if you keep looking backward. You can't change other people, only yourself. Don't obsess over what other people do. Talk to people if they hurt you, but if you have done everything you can, let it go. You can only control yourself. Are they honesty, compassion, love, acceptance, dedication, or hard work? Whatever they are, figure them out and write them down. Then look at your life. Are you living up to your core values? Are the people in your life living up to them? Knowing what you value can help you be a better person and help you surround yourself with better people. It’s impossible to avoid all forms of stress—you probably have a variety of responsibilities in your life, like paying your bills, caring for family, working, or going to school. You can, however, change certain aspects of your responsibilities so they don't always feel like such a burden.  Are there better days for you to perform certain responsibilities? Can you buy groceries on a Thursday night instead of spending your Saturday in the grocery store? Find ways to adjust your life so you get everything done but still have time for yourself. Does your job make you happy? If not, decide how you feel about that. Do you want a different career or a promotion? Or are you happy with your job despite not being passionate for your work because it has flexible hours or great pay? You don't have to be passionate about everything in life. Instead, decide if you are okay with the aspects of your life and accept what role they play. There is so much pressure on us to juggle everything, and to do it perfectly. You are only 1 human being, and there are only 24 hours in a day. You can't possibly do everything, so don’t feel like a failure if you have to let things slide sometimes. Do what you can, and let the rest go.  Prioritize your time and commitments. This is especially important if you are busy and pressed for time. Decide what has to be done, what things can slide, and what needs your attention. Make a to-do list. This can help you not forget anything. It will also give you a sense of accomplishment once you finally cross things off the list. Just remember, don't be discouraged if you don't finish everything. Instead, focus on what you have finished. Setbacks, tragedies, and stressful periods are bound to happen in your life from time to time. Once you start moving forward again, you may expect to be the exact same person you were before. This isn't always the case. Every experience you have changes you in some way. Don't get upset because you are different than you were 1, 5, or 10 years ago. Instead, embrace the new you as you move forward and put your life back on track. Not all changes are permanent. For example, if you are going through a depressive period, this doesn’t mean you’ll never feel happy again. You may just need to look for new ways to find meaning and fulfillment in your life. Think about how many times you say "I'm not" in a day. What have you convinced yourself that you can't do? Societal pressures may shape your thinking, so that you start to believe you’re not young enough, wealthy enough, or smart enough to do the things you want to do. Stop thinking like that. Instead of thinking "I can't do that" or "I'm not that kind of person," look at the things you want to do realistically and objectively, and think about ways you could work towards achieving them.  For example, if you've ever thought "I'm not a runner," ask yourself why. Is it because you physically can't run due to an injury, because you're not a marathon runner with an 8 minute mile stride, or because you've never tried? Instead of just accepting that thought, think about realistic goals you can set to get you on the path to running. If you have an injury, consider signing up for physical therapy. If you’re out of shape, you might start with a couch-to-5k program. Even if your best pace is a 13-minute mile, you're still running!  Try new things. Do something that scares you and that you think you can't do. Sometimes you will fail or feel like an idiot. But sometimes you will succeed, improve your life, and even make friends. Sometimes, the best way to get your life together is to put yourself first. That may mean cutting off contact with people who have a negative influence on your life instead of keeping them around out of obligation. It may mean making a decision people don't agree with, because it's best for you. Most of all, it means staying true to what is best for you.  Of course you don't want to hurt the people you love, but if you are doing what's right for you, they should understand and support you. The people you love shouldn't bring you down. If they do, talk to them. Learn to say no. You don't always have to do everything for everyone else. Sometimes, you don't have time to commit to something or don't have the energy to do something. That's okay. Saying no doesn't make you a bad person. Don't move on or put yourself out there before you are ready. There is no timeline for when you should be healed. Some people heal faster than others. There's nothing wrong with that. However, you may need to push yourself out of your rut. Start small. Call up a friend. Go to a community event. Go somewhere you've never been. See how you feel when you do it. If it's too much, take some more time. If you feel okay, then maybe you're ready to get out there more. One reason people are unhappy is that they put their entire worth on the outside. They think money will make them happy, or a prestigious job, or looking their best. There is nothing wrong with wanting a good job, to have enough money, or to look your best, but making your entire existence about this is unhealthy and damaging.  Focus instead on internal factors. Don't compare yourself others. Be the best you that you can be. Enjoy what your financial circumstances allow you, even if that is just going on day trips instead of month-long voyages to the Caribbean. Live your life according to your core values. Be a good, honest, loyal, hardworking person. Value your individual work and what you offer the world above being the best at everything.  Instead of focusing on your image, choose to do things that build on your individual strengths. For example, if you’re trying to decide on a career path, choose something that you find interesting instead of whatever seems most prestigious.
Identify the things in your life that you can change. Let go of what you can't change. Assess your core values. Identify stressors in your life and work on minimizing them. Acknowledge that you can't do it all. Accept that your abilities and values may change. Change "I'm not" to "I am”. Put yourself first. Give yourself time to heal if you’ve suffered a setback. Stop basing your worth on external factors.