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You don’t need to pretend like your loved one isn’t dying, or even act like things are looking up when they’re not. The person you’re with will appreciate the fact that you’re being honest and open and won’t want you to act like nothing is wrong. That said, you should still treat your loved one with kindness and make sure to be sensitive to his or her needs. You may be at a loss for words, but when you’re in doubt, make sure you say something that makes your loved one feel better, as much as that is possible. Some people and cultures are uncomfortable talking about dying. If your loved one feels that way, avoid discussing death. Another thing you can do when you talk to your loved one is to ask how you can make the day easier. This can mean running some simple errands, making a phone call or two, or even getting a snack for the person. Maybe your loved one wants a hand massage or just to hear a funny joke; don’t be afraid to ask about what you can do to ease the pain. Your loved one may feel like asking you to help out even more would be a burden, so you can take the initiative and ask yourself. If the person really doesn’t want help, accept it and move on. Your loved one may want to start talking about an old memory or may have a story or an idea to share. You should encourage him or her to talk, even if the subject matter is painful or serious. Just be there for them and let them know that you care about what they have to say. If they’re not thinking clearly or losing their train of thought, then you can be there to help out. Encourage the person by making eye contact and asking the right questions after he or she speaks. If the person is really making him or herself agitated by talking, you can talk about slowing down a bit or taking a break. But in general, talking is the person’s right, so allow them to take the lead. While you should be honest and open with the person who is dying, you can also hold back when it’s necessary. Sometimes being too honest will only lead the dying person to feel your pain and to feel a loss of control because he or she can’t do anything to stop it. If your mother asks you if you and your brother are still feuding, for example, it may be best to say that you’re patching things up even if you’re only just working on it; in these cases, offering a bit of relief may be better than the brutal truth. When you look back on these white lies, you won’t regret telling them. However, you may regret being too honest when the moment would have been better if a white lie was given. You may think that everything has to be solemn when a person is dying, but your loved one may have other plans. Maybe he or she just wants to spend the final days laughing, talking about college football, or telling hilarious old stories. If you’re trying to make everything serious, then the dying person may wish you could change the topic to brighten the mood once in a while. It's okay to make jokes, tell the story of a funny thing that happened to you that morning, or ask if your loved one is in the mood for comedy. Lightening the mood can bring some joy to the tense situation. The sense of hearing is often the last sense to go when people pass away. You may feel like there’s no sense of talking to the person if he or she is in a coma or just resting, but your loved one may very well hear the words you’re saying. Just the sound of your voice will bring peace and comfort. Say what’s on your mind, even if you're unsure if it will be heard. Your words alone will make a difference, even if the person you’re talking to doesn’t respond right away or may not be able to hear you. If your loved one is reaching the very end, he or she may suffer from a hallucination due to medication or disorientation. If this is the case, then there are two things you can do. If the person is seeing something unpleasant and is afraid or pained by it, you can gently try to coax that person into reality by saying it’s not really there; but if the person is seeing something pleasant and seems happy about the vision, then there’s no sense in telling the person that he or she is hallucinating; just let the person be comforted.
Be honest while being kind. Ask how you can help. Encourage them to talk if they want to. Don’t bring up hurtful topics. Take your conversational cues from the other person. Keep talking even if there’s no answer. Know what to say if the person is hallucinating.