There is no quick fix for feeling used, and you may experience a period of time where you feel sad, angry, and hurt. Don’t try to suppress those emotions just because they feel bad. Instead, let yourself work through your pain and embrace your emotions.  You might not feel like going out or talking to friends during this time, and that’s okay. Let yourself cry if you need to. It might make you feel better, especially if you were used by a romantic partner or a close friend. If you’ve been used, you might want to jump right back into a relationship or friendship to make yourself feel better. Try to give yourself time to heal emotionally and don’t rush into anything new while you are still feeling down. Keep talking to your existing friends and save new relationships for when you feel better. Everyone needs different amounts of time to heal, and there is no set timeline for how long you will need. If you have been used in a relationship or a friendship, you may not be able to recover from what the other person has done to you. If you don’t think that you can forgive the person, it will only bring you more pain to keep in contact with them. Don’t text, call, or talk to them if you can avoid it. If you go to school or work with this person, seeing them may be unavoidable. Keep your interactions short and civil. Talk with your friends and family about how you are feeling. It can feel easier to push them away when you are hurt, but try to rely on them to help you feel better. Even if you don’t want to talk about your feelings, try to let them distract you from your pain for a little bit.  Some friends or family members can be too prying when they try to comfort you. If you don’t feel comfortable sharing about what happened, simply don’t talk about it. Approach your friends or family by saying, “I’m going through a rough time right now. Could we spend some time together this week to take my mind off of things?” You might feel like you allowed yourself to be used or that you are to blame for someone using you. This is not the case. Someone using you is entirely the other person’s fault and you shouldn’t blame yourself. Push down those negative thoughts until they are gone. If you have been used a lot throughout your life, it can be even easier to think that you are to blame. Remember: someone taking advantage of you shows a flaw in their own character, not yours. After you cut ties with someone, it is easy to think of only the positive traits in their personality and in your relationship with them. Try to focus on what was wrong and why removing them from your life is actually a good thing. Remember that they used you and that it hurt. You may be romanticizing someone if you only remember the good times that you two had and reject the bad or painful memories.
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One-sentence summary -- Allow yourself to feel hurt. Give yourself time to recover. Cut off the person who used you if you need to. Lean on your friends and family for support. Avoid blaming yourself. Recognize if you are romanticizing the person who used you.


You don't have to love everyone, but you should be curious or fascinated by people in some way. Charming people walk into a room full of people ready to spend time talking to others; they don't stand against the wall waiting for the moment when they can escape. What interests you about other people? If you're empathetic, maybe you're interested in how people feel. Maybe you're interested in what makes people tick, or what knowledge they hold. Use your interest as the basis for getting to know people.  Learn how to ask questions based on your interests while being polite and others will feel they are interesting. Follow up with more questions to continue showing your interest; the person you're talking to should never feel that you're trying to cut the conversation short. when you meet them for the first time. This takes an enormous amount of effort for most people, but it's completely worth doing if you want to be charming. When introducing yourself, repeating the person's name will help you to remember it. For example: "Hi, Jack, I'm Wendy."  Follow through with small talk and use the person's name during your conversation. Repeat it once more when you say goodbye.  Repeating someone's name is not just about helping you to remember that person. The more often you say someone's name, the more that person will feel that you like them and the greater the chance they'll warm up to you. If someone else walks up while you're having a conversation, introduce the two people by name. This simply means talking to a stranger or a newly met acquaintance in a very friendly manner, as if the person is a long lost friend or relative. This helps break down an initial awkwardness and speeds up the warm-up process when meeting new people. Soon, people feel more welcomed and comfortable around you. Kindness, coupled with respect, makes others feel as if they are loved and cared for. This is a powerful tool during interaction. If you're in a sporty crowd, talk about last night's game or the meteoric rise of a new team. If you're with a group of hobbyists, ask about their hobbies and make pertinent remarks related to fishing, knitting, mountain climbing, movies, and so on.  Nobody expects you to be an expert. Sometimes you can build rapport just by asking questions, and not caring if you seem naive. There are people who like talking about and explaining their interests, and will like you for listening. It is your level of interest and willingness to engage in topics that makes you an interesting person to be around.  Exercise an open mind. Let others do the explaining. If someone mistakenly thinks you know more about the topic, be genuine and simply say that your knowledge is limited but that you're hoping to learn more about it. Being quiet about yourself makes you seem standoffish. Sharing as much about yourself as you ask others to share is a way to build trust with other people. They'll feel special because you wanted to talk about your life with them, and before you know it you'll have new friends.
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One-sentence summary --
Be genuinely interested in people. Remember people's names Assume rapport. Talk about topics that interest the people you're with. Share information about yourself.