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If you are called to the school immediately following an incident, you and your child might both be feeling a lot of intense emotions. Let your child know that they can expect a conversation about what happened after you’ve both calmed down. Depending on what time of day the suspension occurred, you may want to go home and prepare dinner before you talk, or you might want to stop somewhere and eat lunch. Focusing on an activity will help you to be calm and it will give your child time to reflect. Offering your child the opportunity to explain themselves will send the message that you care about them. Keep in mind that children and teenagers will usually bend a story somewhat to portray themselves in the best light, so you may need to take their story with a grain of salt. If your child’s story is very different from the school’s, try to find other students or teachers who witnessed the event to find out what really happened. Sometimes when children and teenagers act out, it’s a symptom of another issue. Your child may be experiencing bullying, or they may be having health, vision, or hearing problems, struggles with their mental health, or even issues with drugs or alcohol. Try asking, “I know you got upset when you were told to sit down in class, but it seems like something else might be bothering you. Can we talk about it?” Once you understand all of the sides of the situation, talk to your child about what they did that they shouldn’t have. Ask questions like “Do you think what you did was okay?” Some things will be obvious, like being suspended for skipping school, but other situations might be more of a grey area, like pushing another student who was acting like a bully. Use the suspension as a teachable moment. Help your child come up with ideas for how they could have reacted differently when they felt upset or angry. Ask your child to walk back through the steps leading up to the incident. When they get to the part where they misbehaved, stop and ask, “Can you describe exactly how you were feeling right then? How could you have expressed that instead of what you did?”
Wait until you and your child are both calm. Ask your child to tell their side of the story. Ask your child if they are having other problems you don’t know about. Help your child understand why what they did was wrong. Talk to your child about how they could have handled things differently.