Trying to change someone else’s actions usually ends in frustration, because you cannot control another person’s behavior. However, you can change your own behavior.  For example, if a friend is having trouble with alcohol, you can avoid drinking alcohol around her. Offer other options for socializing, such as going to the movies instead of the bar. Remember that you are not responsible for the person’s behavior, or its consequences. For example, if the person’s substance abuse is interfering with their ability to hold down a job, it is not your responsibility to pick up the slack. Doing so may actually enable the other person to continue abusing the substance. You do not have to make excuses for the other person, or cover up their substance use. You do not have to give the other person money to buy substances. Boundaries are meant to protect both of you. They can help protect you from feeling abused, manipulated, or endangered. They can help the person you love know what is and what isn’t acceptable behavior.  Consider what behaviors you are willing to be flexible with, and which are “hard lines.” For example, the person may be hostile or rude to you, especially when s/he is using the substance. This is unacceptable behavior, but depending on your relationship, you may be willing to tolerate some level of it. However, physical abuse or prolonged psychological abuse cause substantial damage. This is particularly true if young children are involved in the environment. As hard as it may seem, setting hard boundaries that absolutely prohibit this type of behavior is important to protect you and the other people affected by the user’s behavior. There is a fine line between keeping yourself healthy and safe, and confronting your own prejudices and assumptions regarding substance use. It is important that the person with the substance issue know that you will not be bullied or manipulated into supporting their addiction. However, it’s also important that the person knows you are a source of the support they need, rather than the behaviors they might want from you.  Enforce consequences, especially for hard line boundaries. These could be very small, such as not rescheduling plans to accommodate the other person. Or, they could be more significant, such as leaving the house or setting up a separate bank account.  There is a difference between being flexible and putting yourself in danger. If you believe that you are in danger from the person using drugs or alcohol, call for help and leave the situation. 911, emergency services, and numerous hotlines are available. Alcohol and drugs can cause violent and unpredictable behaviors even in those who don’t have a history of such actions. Caring for or even interacting with someone who is having problems with drugs or alcohol can be emotionally, mentally, and physically taxing. You may find it helpful to find your own sources of support, such as a support group or counseling.  Nar-Anon and Al-Anon are support networks for family and friends of those struggling with drugs or alcohol. Nar-Anon offers support meetings for family and friends of drug abusers. Al-Anon offers support meetings for family and friends of alcohol abusers.  You may also find meeting with a therapist helpful, particularly if you have feelings of guilt or responsibility for the other person. In some cases, the person may choose drugs or alcohol over you, and a therapist can help you work through that. It’s important to take care of your body, as well as your emotions. Caring for others is a very stressful experience, and can put you at increased risk of becoming ill. Taking proper care of yourself also sets a good example of self-care for your loved one.  Get enough sleep. Try to avoid stimulants in the evening. Don’t use screens for a few hours before going to bed. Establish a regular “routine” for before bed.  Eat well. Eat plenty of fruits, vegetables, and high-fiber complex carbohydrates. Stress can wreak havoc on your immune system, and the antioxidants in fruits and vegetables can help boost your body’s ability to fight off illness. Complex carbohydrates, like sweet potatoes, brown rice, and legumes, may cause your brain to produce serotonin, a relaxing hormone.  Exercise. Exercise will not only keep you fit, it can reduce the effect of stress. Exercises that focus on your breath and mindfulness, such as Yoga and Tai Chi, may be particularly helpful.   Reduce stress. You may find  meditation helpful. Listening to quiet, slow music may relax you. Breathing exercises, such as deep breathing, can help you feel calm and can even reduce your blood pressure. Caring for and supporting someone struggling with drugs or alcohol abuse can be exhausting. Don’t stretch yourself too thin, or put yourself in dangerous situations. If you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t be able to care for the other person either. There is no shame in respecting your own limitations and caring for yourself.  People using alcohol and/or drugs may blame you for their problems. They may attempt to manipulate you by threatening to use or self-harm if you do not give them what you want. You will need to remind yourself that you are not responsible for anyone’s actions but your own.  Alcohol and drugs can cause people to be in denial about the severity of their issues. They may lie to you about their behavior. They may steal or even use threats or violence to get more of the substance. Detaching from this situation may be your best option.

Summary: Determine what you can change. Set boundaries. Stand firm with your boundaries. Get some support for yourself. Practice self-care. Admit your limits.


Hop in the shower and shampoo your hair as you normally would. Soap up your hair and gently massage the shampoo into your scalp. Then rinse the shampoo out completely. After you finish shampooing, towel-dry your hair thoroughly. 3 and let it sit for 10-30 minutes. Pour a nickel-sized amount of the Olaplex No. 3 solution into your hands and massage it into your scalp, just as you would with regular shampoo. Be sure to comb the serum through all of your hair, saturating all of the strands as you go. Let it sit for the required amount of time.  Leave the Olaplex No. 3 in your hair for at least 10-30 minutes. If your hair has recently been dyed or otherwise damaged, consider leaving it in for an hour or two. You may want to put on a shower cap to keep the serum from touching your clothes or other items in your home while you wait out the clock. After the allotted amount of time, hop back in the shower and rinse out the Olaplex No. 3 treatment with warm water. Then, shampoo and condition your hair as you normally would. Once you get out of the shower, your hair should be silky smooth, healthy, and ready to be styled! For the best results, you should keep applying Olaplex to your hair every 10 days after you're initial treatment at the salon. Reapplying the Olaplex No. 3 solution will help keep your hair smooth and healthy.
Summary: Shampoo and towel-dry your hair normally. Apply Olaplex No. Rinse the treatment out and shampoo your hair. Repeat the treatment once every 10 days.