Summarize the following:
You will not be able to get your full feelings out if you're yelling and screaming. Remember that people mirror behavior in a conversation -- the louder and angrier you get, the meaner your parents will get in response. If you cool off and act calm, they will too. If things are really heated, try and have the conversation an hour or so after the inciting incident -- don't deal with it while the "wounds" are still fresh.  “I need some time to cool down. I am going on a walk around the block/go to my room/etc. Can we talk in 10 minutes?" Close your eyes and count to ten, taking a deep breath each time. It only takes a few seconds for your brain to calm down from the initial rush of anger. Listen to music that soothes you. Put on the music, close your eyes, and concentrate on your breathing to calm down. This doesn't mean that you just give up when they attack you, it just means that you offer them an olive branch. More likely than not, your parents are mean or angry because they think you made a mistake or disrespected them. Even if you didn't do anything wrong, apologize for the misunderstanding and offer to make things better. If you offer this first branch of peace, however small, you'll deflate their mean energy in an instant. All it starts with is an apology.  "I'm sorry I forgot to call, that was my fault." "I shouldn't have broken my promise, I'm sorry." "I didn't mean to yell, I just feel like we misunderstood each other." This might be the hardest part of the entire situation, but it is also one of the most critical. Sometimes a mean parent just needs to vent, and you, as their child, are always around to listen. While it can be difficult to listen without jumping in, 90% of the time a parent will run out of things to say if you just let them keep talking. Let them get it all out and, when they're done, offer your side of the story.  Try to calmly remind your parents not to interrupt you when you're talking. If you can keep silent while they talk it will be much easier to ask them to stay silent when you want to speak. “I want to hear about what happened from your side.” Once you're able to understand their perspective, you'll be able to work together to make the situation better. If you can tell them in a cooperative and calm way what they said, it could help your parents trust that you understand them. This is especially true if you can show your parents how what they are saying connects to the bigger picture. Most importantly, it lets you take control of the conversation, re-framing their concerns in a personal light.  "I can see now that you were worried I had gotten hurt when I didn't call." "I know that you're worried I might not have enough time to finish my homework." "I realize that you're only upset because you love me and want the best for me." Most fights, anger, and meanness comes from parents who don't understand your side of the story. Instead of shouting, "you don't know me at all!" take some time to tell them where you are coming from. Lay out your side of the story in calm, rational steps -- it will be much harder for them to counter with anger if you're being reasonable. So stand up for yourself and let them know that there is an explanation.  "I didn't know it looked like that. What I was actually doing..." "I just want to share my side of the story first." "I see where you're coming from, but from my perspective..." Don't wait for your parents to hand down judgment on you. Be proactive and make suggestions, working together to find ways to avoid future fights. You want to show that you are a part of the conversation, and you care about making things right. Even if you think your parents are totally to blame, this is a great way to get them on your side. Remember to keep things nice, deflating any meanness before it starts. For example:  If you forgot to call them or stay in touch, offer to give up your phone for a week if you forget next time. If they want you to do more chores around the house, come up with a list of chores you're willing to help out with, and when you can accomplish them each week. If they are intervening with your personal life, ask if you can have your friend or new girl/boyfriend over for dinner or a movie so that they can meet them. In almost every situation a parent is not being intentionally mean. Instead, they are just trying to protect their child. Your parents love you, and their anger most likely comes from fear -- fear that you went missing, that you don't respect them or their wishes, that you aren't trying in school, etc. Once you acknowledge why a parent is being mean, it is much easier to calm them back down and make them happy again. Are your parents really being mean, or did they just make a decision you disagreed with? Similarly, are you being mean, or do your parents just disagree with your decisions? Think about this before losing your cool.
Take a moment to calm down before talking to your parents. Recognize and admit any wrongdoing to turn the conversation off of you. Listen to them without interruption. Repeat back to them the main ideas of their argument. Walk them through your point of view. Come up with solutions together to ensure this fight doesn't happen again. Recognize that your parent's "meanness" is just a way to show they care.