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Understand that even if you were an outstanding undergraduate (as most graduate students were), you will face an entirely different set of challenges in graduate school. The specific nature of your coursework, research, teaching, and laboratory obligations will vary tremendously depending on your field, your school, and your department, and so will your potential paychecks and funding packages, so do some research and figure out what, exactly, you’re signing up for.  Many department websites will answer your basic questions about particular programs, so start there to get a sense of what your obligations as a graduate student might be. Consider contacting current students as well. Most programs have a Director of Graduate Studies who can put you in touch with students in your program. You can then send an email or two to ask more specific questions. Current students may have insights about the standard workload and funding packages, and – unlike the website – they may be forthcoming about the potential downsides of pursuing a degree in their department. Graduate school is not something to do just because you can’t think of anything else to do with your life. No one should sink years of time, money, and energy into a graduate degree without being crystal clear about his or her goals and what is required to achieve them. This goes double for people with families. Know your reasons for pursuing a graduate degree, and do some extra research about what your opportunities will look like after graduate school – don’t just assume that your M.A. or Ph.D. will get you a wonderful job. Many people in the academic world are reluctant to admit this, but the job market for academics is abysmal right now, especially in the humanities and social sciences. If you are pursuing a graduate degree in one of these fields, think twice: even if you go to a top program and do well, you may find yourself, five to ten years down the road, with an impressive Ph.D., considerable debt, and no job. For graduate students with a family, this might be especially troubling. Do your research, and go in with your eyes open (if at all). If you are married or in a committed relationship, it is imperative to discuss the upcoming challenges with your spouse or partner. For most people with families, beginning a graduate program will entail some combination of relocating, quitting jobs, creating a new budget, making new child-care arrangements, and re-evaluating the division of household labor. These are major, life-changing developments, so work to discuss them openly and honestly. If your partner is not an academic, he or she may not fully understand what your new commitments will look like. Once you’ve done the research yourself, make sure you pass along your knowledge and clear up potential misunderstandings – let your partner know, for example, if you think you’ll need to work on weekends or travel for research. If your children are old enough to understand, you’ll need to discuss your plans openly with them as well. Remember that your decision to attend graduate school will change their lives, too: they will likely need to adjust to new schools or child-care facilities, changes in their schedules, and less time with you. Be up front with them, in a way that’s appropriate to their ages and maturity levels, and explain why you’re taking this path. Whatever your financial circumstances, graduate school is an expense to be considered carefully. Ideally, you should avoid going to graduate school, especially in the humanities and social sciences, unless you are fully funded by your program of choice – “fully funded” generally meaning that you receive a tuition waiver and a modest monthly stipend, often in exchange for teaching or laboratory duties. But people with families should be extra cautious, especially since “full funding” will probably not include money for expenses like child care.  Research child-care costs ahead of time. If you’ve been a stay-at-home parent and plan to pay for child care for the first time, you may have no idea how expensive these services can be. If you’re quitting a “real world” job to attend graduate school, you may not realize how insufficient your stipend will be once you subtract the costs of child care from it. Either way, you need to know what you’re getting into. Be sure you look into any tax credits or deductions associated with child care costs.  Factor in changes to your partner’s income, too. If you’re married or in a committed relationship, your partner’s income also needs to be assessed. Are you moving to attend graduate school? If so, your partner will probably have to find a new job – how will you pay the bills in the meantime? Will your decision to attend graduate school affect your partner’s work schedule or potential for overtime hours? If so, you need to consider that as well. You may be tempted to get as much financial aid as possible from the government, but though this decision might be appealing right now, it’s probably unwise in the long term. Ph.D. programs, especially, take a very long time; the debt will add up, and then, in the end, you’ll face the horrible academic job market. How will you pay it back?
Do your homework. Clarify your goals. Discuss your plans with your partner. Prepare your children. Think about money. Approach loans cautiously.