Summarize:

To recognize codependency, you have to know what it looks like. Taking time to educate yourself will not only help you see if your family member fits the description, it will also help you understand their mental state. Only a mental health professional can diagnose codependency, but some telltale symptoms include:  Low self-esteem Constant people-pleasing Little to no boundaries Caretaking as a means of control Painful emotions Codependency is a mental health condition. Like many other mental health problems, it's not something you can cure or eliminate for your family member. They may not even recognize it as a problem, and instead, think that they are getting along just fine with you and your other family members.  Don't expect your family member to see their behavior as codependent if they haven't already come to that conclusion on their own. Trying to force your family member to see your perspective may only make matters worse. Treatment in the form of psychotherapy is available. However, your family member likely won't seek it until they come to their own conclusion that there are no other options. You should not feel like you need to withstand emotional manipulation in any sense. However, it is also important to understand that a codependent person may not know they are manipulating you. In their mind, they are often being supportive and doing the best possible thing for you. Understanding whether a person is or is not intentionally trying to manipulate you can help you figure out how you want to interact with your family member. Do not use this to try and justify their actions in your own mind. Simply remember that a codependent person is not operating in the same frame of mind as you. Their actions are being guided by a mental health problem. In some cases, codependency can be an overcompensating reaction to another person’s behavior. Think honestly about whether you are engaged in any activities or behaviors that may be feeding a family member’s codependency.  For example, codependence is often seen in the parents and spouses of addicts. The codependent person may feel an endless obligation to take care of the addict for fear of what would happen if they don’t. Think honestly about whether you have behaviors and tendencies that might be feeding into a codependent person’s behaviors. If so, you may be part of a codependent relationship. Detachment doesn’t mean that you will never see or speak to your family member. Instead, detachment means separating your family member from their manipulative behaviors. Respond selectively to only those things that are a part of your family member’s life or personality, and not that which is a part of codependency. If, for example, your mother asks for some fashion advice about shoes, this is a normal and healthy interaction. If she comes to your house to replace all of your shoes because she believes you aren’t getting the best arch support, this is a codependent action. You may or may not choose to communicate those boundaries to your family member. You should, however, take some time to set boundaries with which you are comfortable. Consider your personal health and ask yourself what do you need to stay physically and mentally healthy on a daily basis. Build your boundaries around that.  If, for example, it is important for you to have time every evening to wind down and disconnect for the day, make a boundary that says you will not answer calls, texts, or social media after a certain time. If you do choose to let your family member know about your boundaries, state them as fact. You don’t need to rationalize them. You can simply tell your family member, “I’ve decided I don’t want to be on my phone or computer after 7 pm anymore.” Then, stay steady on your new policy, even if they argue or disagree.
Read up on codependent behavior. Understand that you cannot cure your family member of codependency. Look at where the codependent person is coming from. Consider whether you are influencing the codependent behavior. Detach from your family member. Establish personal boundaries.