Q: If you're still angry with your ex, the last thing you'll want to do is give a little when it comes to the time arrangement, especially if your ex is being uncooperative. However, giving a little can open up space for a better relationship in the future because it shows you're willing to compromise a bit.  Think of it this way. If you're mad at someone and they give you a cookie, you're less likely to be as mad at them because they've been generous to you. It's a silly analogy, but it shows how we think of relationships. When one person gives a little, the other person may be more willing to give a little, too. In addition, your ex may be willing to be more flexible with the time arrangement in the future when you want to keep your kid for a special day. Of course, you can't control your ex's behavior. However, you can control what you do. One way you can help the situation is stop trying to fix your ex, especially if they keep trying to change you. By stepping back, you are signalling you are done with that type of relationship, and in turn, your ex may come to realize that they need to be done with that part of the relationship, too. Making a statement to your ex about what he or she must do can be off-putting. Instead, try re-framing your statements into requests. That way, your ex will at least feel like you are trying to work with them, rather than dictate to them.  For instance, you may be tempted to say, "You should stop taking our kid out for ice cream late at night." Instead, try saying, "Can we talk about Charlie's bedtime? I feel like he does better when we're both on the same page." Even when you'd rather avoid speaking to your ex, it's important to be direct with your ex. Using your child as a mediator only puts stress on the kid. Plus, messages can get mixed up when you send them through a kid. Whatever conflict you have, face it directly.  In addition, talking to your ex yourself shows your child how to deal with difficult situations with grace. You're modeling a behavior that your child can rely on later. It also leaves the burden of parenting on you and your ex, not your kid. Bring up the issue you need to discuss. Say why it's important, and what you want to happen. Once you've brought up the issue, give your ex a chance to react. Then discuss possible solutions until you come up with one you can both live with.  Don't place blame. Rather, discuss what problem is happening. For instance, instead of saying, "You give our kid too much sugar," you could say, "I've noticed Charlie has behavioral problems after eating sugar." Move on to why you think it's important. "At his age, I think too much sugar is detrimental. I'd like to reduce the sugar in his diet." Ask your ex for a reaction. "What do you think?" Whether your ex agrees or disagrees, discuss solutions. You could say, "I understand you disagree, but can we come up with a solution we both can live with? What if we limit his sugar intake to one sugary snack a day?" Go back and forth until you can come up with a compromise. If you can't come up with a compromise, you may need decide to disagree. That is, as long as your ex isn't being abusive, he or she gets to make the decisions when your kid is with him or her.
A: Resolve to be flexible with the time arrangement. Stop trying to change your ex. Re-frame your statements. Be direct. Resolve conflicts with problem solving.

Q: It's good to know how to do things in the typical ways, especially so then you can subvert that thinking. By doing things in a way other people don't expect you'll demonstrate that you can think on your feet. That is one way people seem to judge cleverness.  For example: if your professor gives you an essay assignment, ask them if you could do a creative option. Demonstrate how your option fulfills the requirements while going above and beyond. (If you're taking a class on short stories, ask if you could try your hand at writing a short story of your own using what you've learned in class, and write a follow-up piece examining your own work.) This is also about doing the unexpected. If you always go by the rules or do things exactly as you learned them it doesn't mean you're not smart, it simply means that people aren't going to see you as clever. So, don't rely on your particular intelligence and typical ways of doing things. This step ties into not always going by the book, because a lot times you'll need to think outside the box to do that. To be clever you will need to come up with creative solutions to problems.  Re-conceptualize the problem. One thing that people who use creative solutions do effectively, is to re-imagine a problem. To practice this skill, take an obvious choice (like writing a plain old essay) and re-imagine how else you might approach the essay so that you still get the same information across, but in a different, more engaging way (telling a story orally, creating a collage or painting).  Daydream. It turns out that daydreaming is actually incredibly beneficial to boosting creative problem-solving. The process of daydreaming helps you to form connections and recall information. This is why a lot of your best ideas may come out during the shower or right before you go to bed. If you're having difficulty with something, take a little time out to daydream. Chances are, by relaxing and letting your brain roam free, you'll come up with something creative that works.  Brainstorming is another great way to foster creativity, especially in a group. Present the problem and have people give whatever ideas come into their head without passing judgement on these ideas. Have people add to the ideas as they come. You can do this on your own too, as long as you make sure to keep judgment out of the process. Fear is one of the biggest obstacles to creative thinking, which is one big aspect of cleverness. The more creative and workable your solutions and ideas, the more people will believe in your abilities.  Ask yourself things like: what happens if you lose your job? what if you lose your best customer? what if you fail your class? what if the publisher doesn't buy your book? The answer to any of these questions can either free you up from fear, or it can show where you need to work on your solutions, which in turn will open up opportunities and further ideas. When you're coming up with ideas and potential solutions, don't open them up for criticism until they're more formed. Criticism and the fear of criticism can be a big creativity killer, which can kill your cleverness, too. When you're out of the brainstorming stage and better able to evaluate the ideas, that's when you get feedback and take criticism. Having problems and opportunities that are ill-defined and super vague can make it incredibly difficult to come up with punchy or creative solutions and ideas. Even if issues and things you need to deal with come to you without parameters, set some for yourself.  Setting "imaginary" or "pretend" parameters can foster your ideas. For example, if you're working on a project for work pretend that you're out of money, how do you accomplish your task without it? Pretend you can't follow the rules, written or unwritten, how would you do things different? Pretend there's a fast time limit on coming up with your solution (say a 5 minute time limit)? What can you come up with in that short period of time? For example, Dr. Seuss wrote Green Eggs and Ham because of a challenge from his editor to come up with a full book in under 50 different words. That restriction helped him come up with one of the best known Dr. Seuss books.
A:
Don't always go by the book. Think outside the box. Consider the worst that could happen. Set parameters.