Q: Assertiveness is about getting your needs met in appropriate and respectful ways. The more assertive you can be, the more likely you will get what you want.   Be direct. Approach your friend calmly and tactfully. Listen to her point of view, and then explain how you feel. Use “I statements,” such as, “I felt angry when I heard you were talking bad about me to other people.” Make sure you emphasize how you feel instead of what the other person did; you should always state your feelings first in order to reduce the likelihood that the other person will react emotionally or take it personally. Focus on positive aspects of the relationship. You could say something like, "Your friendship means a lot to me and I don't want this to come between us.” Maintain positive eye contact. Don’t stare without looking away every once in a while, and don’t avoid eye contact. Maintain eye-contact that is comfortable, look away every once in a while, then regain eye-contact. Aggressive communication is based on, “I’m okay, you’re not okay” thinking. It assumes that you are right and the other person is wrong. Examples of aggressive communication include: raising your voice or yelling, threatening, putting down the other person (e.g., “You’re stupid”), and pointing your fingers. Avoid engaging in hurtful behaviors such as name-calling, put-downs, or blaming. For example, don’t say things like, "I can't believe you did that. I hate you. You’re stupid.” Instead, say something assertive like, "I felt really angry when I heard that you were talking about me behind my back. I know that it may have been taken out of context, but can you give me your side of what happened? I'd like to understand where you're coming from." Some people back down and beg for forgiveness at the first sign of a fight, even when they are not the only one responsible for the issue. However, passive behaviors like avoiding confrontation are associated with more negativity within friendships.  Don’t avoid the problem, this can result in unresolved conflict.  Don’t apologize for everything, only your part in the problem. In other words, do not take the entire blame. There are always two people in a conflict, and in most case both people exhibit behaviors that contribute to the issue. Look at your friend and maintain eye-contact instead of staring at the floor or fidgeting. Do not simply accommodate the other person’s will or wishes. Your needs are just as important. Passive-aggression is associated with showing your aggression in a passive way. Instead of telling someone how you feel, you tell the person through your actions. These passive forms of aggression can be confusing and hurtful.  Some examples of passive-aggressive communication are sarcasm, talking behind the person’s back (speaking negatively about her to others), spreading rumors, or getting other people to dislike your friend.
A: Practice being assertive. Reduce aggressiveness. Limit passive communication. Avoid engaging in passive-aggressive behaviors.

Q: The sheet of cardboard can be larger than these dimensions, but not smaller. If it is larger, use a ruler and pencil to draw a 60 by 30 cm (24 by 12 in) rectangle on it. Along one of the long edges of this 60 x 30 rectangle, stick a pushpin at the halfway point (so it's 30 cm (12 in) from each end). You can also use a piece of rigid foam board instead of cardboard. Tie one end of a piece of string to the pushpin, and the other end to a pencil placed at the midpoint of the opposite long edge of the cardboard. Keep the string pulled tight and move the pencil back and forth over the cardboard sheet. The string will guide it to make a half-circle shape. Wind the string around the pencil until the distance between the pencil and pushpin is reduced to 2 cm (0.79 in). Trace a second, much smaller half-circle onto the board. This smaller circle will become the cut-out for your nose. Use sturdy scissors or a utility knife to cut along both the larger and smaller half-circles. It doesn't have to be perfect, but take your time to ensure a smooth curve to your rainbow-shaped board. If this is part of a child's science project, an adult should supervise this task or do it themselves. Scissors and especially utility knives can be very dangerous. Pick a spot roughly halfway between where the pushpin and pencil were when you started tracing. Use double-sided tape or glue to attach the bottom of a disposable plastic cup to what will be the underside of your board. You'll hold the cup with both hands to keep the board in position while taking the test. Stick the pushpin you used earlier back into the cardboard, this time just short of the spot where you originally placed the pencil to start tracing. This will serve as your focal point while you take the test. The pushpin might stick all the way through the cardboard, so be careful not to prick your finger on it while testing! Each strip should be 10 by 2 cm (3.94 by 0.79 in). Use rigid construction paper, or use markers to color strips of a rigid white paper (like index cards). You can use a different combination of easy-to-distinguish colors, but red, yellow, and green are the ideal combination. Take 3 of the strips (one of each color) and trim off two of the corners on one of the short sides of each. This will create a triangular shape at one end of each of them. When your friend uses one of these triangular strips during the test, make sure they hold it with the pointed end up. Use the handle (the attached cup) to hold the board just below eye level. The bridge of your nose should remain in contact with the small cardboard cutout. Keep the board steady and level in front of you during the test. Focus your eyes on the pushpin that's stuck in the cardboard, and don't look away from that spot. While you do this, have a friend hold up one of the colored strips at one of the far ends of the board—that is, at either “end of the rainbow.”  Your friend needs to remain as still as possible during the test. It may be easiest for them to sit or stand directly across from you, past the pushpin. But keep your focus on the pushpin, not them. The paper strip should be beyond your field of vision when at the starting point. If you can detect it being there, make sure you're staring straight ahead and that your partner is holding the paper strip in the corner of the board. Have your friend slowly slide the paper strip along the curved edge of the board. As soon as you're able to detect movement in your peripheral vision, let your friend know by saying “OK” or something similar. They should pause for a moment, then continue sliding the paper strip.  If you want to keep a record of your results, have your friend quickly mark this point on the underside of the board with a pencil before proceeding further. Because of how peripheral vision functions—relying more on the rods in your eyes that are sensitive to movement, rather than the color-sensitive cones—you should notice that something is moving before you can make out its shape or color. As your friend continues to move the paper strip into your field of vision, indicate when you can see more details. For instance, say “red” and then “triangle” when you see that they are using the red strip of paper with the triangular top. If desired, they can mark these spots with pencil on the underside of the board as well. You can do the test as many times as you like, but consider doing it 3 times on each side to test your left and right peripheral vision. For a more accurate test regarding your perception of color and shape, have your friend use one strip of each color on each side, in random order. For instance: red triangle to your right; yellow rectangle to your left; yellow triangle to your right; green triangle to your left; red rectangle to your right; green rectangle to your left. For example, you can reduce the light level in the room, give your eyes a few minutes to adjust, and repeat the test to see how your results compare. Or, you can write random letters or numbers on the strips and tell your friend as soon as you can read them.
A:
Prepare a 60 by 30 cm (24 by 12 in) piece of cardboard for use. Draw a large half-circle within the 60 by 30 cm (24 by 12 in) rectangle. Draw a smaller half-circle with a 2 cm (0.79 in) radius. Cut your cardboard into the shape of a rainbow. Tape a cup to the underside of the board to serve as a handle. Insert a pushpin into the apex of the rainbow shape. Cut 6 rectangular strips from red, yellow, and green construction paper. Use scissors to give half of the colored strips a pointed end. Hold the board to your face with your nose in the small cutout. Stare at the pushpin while a partner holds up a colored paper strip. Tell your helper when you first notice movement. Continue the test until you detect color and shape as well. Repeat the test on the other side and with the other strips. Change the conditions of the test slightly, if desired.