Your wife may start pointing out your flaws or sharing concerns about your relationship. This may be because she’s genuinely unhappy, or she could be trying to look for a reason to justify her affair. Either way, it’s important for you to take notice and talk to her about it. Ask her what’s bothering her and discuss ways you can improve your relationship going forward. For example, your wife might say things like, “I’m sick and tired of coming home to a dump,” “You never listen to me,” or “We never have fun together anymore.” Ask her follow up questions like, “How can we work together to keep things clean?” “What can I do to show you I’m listening?” or “How does date night this Saturday sound?” This way you can address her concerns to hopefully improve your relationship. Your wife may desire more sex, less sex, or different sex. Consider if she starts offering you sex more often but doesn’t seem to be engaging with you. Similarly, notice if the heat suddenly leaves your relationship and she starts turning down sex. Additionally, pay attention to a sudden interest in role playing or sex games.  Your wife may want more sex if she feels bad about cheating or is having an emotional affair that leaves her wanting sexual fulfillment. She may want less sex if a new lover is meeting her needs. Your wife may want different sex if she’s wanting to pretend she’s with a new person. Your wife may stop sharing the details of her life with you, which is a sign that something is wrong. If she’s not coming to talk to you about her daily activities, her problems, her emotions, or things she’s excited about, then she may be sharing these things with someone else. Talk to her to find out what’s going on. For example, let’s say your wife seems to be shutting you out. Go to her and say, “Hey, I’ve noticed you’ve been really quiet lately. I’d really like to talk to you about how you’ve been feeling.” If your wife is having an affair, she’ll need to keep secrets from you. This requires her to keep her phone, bag, computer, and bills away from you. If she’s suddenly hiding things from you or getting defensive when you ask questions, then she could be hiding an affair. For example, you might notice that all of her electronic devices have new passwords. Additionally, she may start hiding her credit card or phone bills, and she may even get a new, secret credit card. She could be calling or texting a new partner. Notice if she seems to be texting someone more often, especially if she won’t tell you who it is. Additionally, take note if she often leaves the room when taking a call.  Watch her reaction to calls and texts. For instance, if she smiles really big or gets really excited, she may be texting a new partner. If you share a phone plan, review your bill to see if anything looks off. For instance, she might be calling or texting the same person daily.

Summary: Pay attention if your wife starts to complain about you or your relationship. Watch for changes in her desire for sex. Notice if you share less emotional intimacy. Notice if your wife suddenly wants more privacy. Pay attention if she’s spending more time on her phone.


If you feel comfortable, talk to them in person. However, you can also contact them online or via text message. Tell them “hello” and ask how they’ve been doing. You might say, “Hey! How’s school going?” or “Hi! It’s been a long time since we’ve talked. I was wondering how you’ve been.” They’re probably going to be surprised that you’re reaching out to them since you've been enemies in the past. That means they may feel nervous about meeting up with you. Pick a place where neither of you have strong ties so that you can both feel like equals.  For example, you might ask them to meet with you at a local coffee house that just opened. However, it might be best to avoid asking them to meet you at your lunch table or at your home. Say, “Want to grab a cup of coffee at Good Beans?” or “I’m going to feed the ducks at the park. Wanna come?” At first, they might be suspicious about why you’re reaching out to them. Think about how you’d feel if they suddenly started talking to you. Let them know that you want to make up. Additionally, show them you’re interested in a real friendship by telling them why you’re reaching out. You could say, “I know things have been rocky between us, but I don’t like that. I’d much rather us be friends,” or “We’ve had some conflicts in the past, but I think we have a lot in common. Maybe we could try being friends.” While you and your enemy may have differences, you likely have some things in common. Talk to them to learn more about them. Then, find common interests that unite you. For example, you might both enjoy playing soccer, you may both like being creative, or you might both like the same TV show. Having mutual friends will help you and your enemy become better friends. Reach out to their friend group and invite them to do a group activity. You can do this before or after you reach out to your enemy to open the lines of communication. For instance, you might host a game night at your home, or you could make plans to see a movie as a group.

Summary: Make the first move to open the lines of communication. Invite them to meet you in a neutral location. Give them a reason to see you as a friend. Look for common ground that you can use to build a friendship. Make friends with your enemy’s friend group.


You will always be who you are. This is possibly the hardest part of practicing self-acceptance. Embrace your good points. Look at the list of good qualities you developed in the steps above. What are some of the things you love about yourself? Are you especially creative? Do you have a great sense of humor? Learn to focus on your best qualities and you'll realize there's lots to like! For example, are you an introvert by nature? Do you have a Type-A personality? These are key aspects of your personality that are difficult to alter. But more importantly, why should you want to change your very being? It's your core being! Instead of trying to change yourself, embrace all aspects of your personality, even those you might think at first are undesirable qualities.  Get some perspective. Introverts, by way of example, are great at developing new ideas and making plans. Moreover, introverts often make especially good friends for themselves because they can find fulfillment and strength from within. They also often demonstrate a high level of curiosity so their minds are always running and working and, as a result, they're rarely bored.  The more we understand, accept, and then embrace who we are, the easier it will be to experiment with this process and accept our own unique nature and abilities. You value honesty in your friends so you should value it in yourself. Don't be afraid to be open and straightforward about the things you are good at. This is not arrogance; it's honesty. For example, maybe you've been told many times that you are a good listener. Instead of downplaying your good qualities and achievements, take ownership of and value them. Everyone makes mistakes. This is part of being human. If we hope to be friends with anyone, including with ourselves, it is necessary to be able to move on from the mistakes of the past. No one needs to carry the burden of regret with him into his future interactions.  Try taking a small change in perspective. Instead of viewing each mistake as a catastrophe and punishing yourself, view mistakes as opportunities for learning and personal growth. For instance, you might think that because you’ve cheated on a romantic partner in the past that you are an inherently bad person and undeserving of happiness. However, research has shown that in some cases cheating on a partner can serve as a positively transformative experience and does not necessarily indicate a dysfunctional pattern. Instead of condemning yourself, ask what you have learned can take away from negative and bad experiences for your own self-improvement.
Summary: Realize that you are you. Realize that there are things about yourself that you cannot change. Be honest with yourself. Admit your humanity.