Summarize the following:
While you and your partner are trying to work things out at home, you can also work things out in a safe environment where couples can speak freely about their relationship.  The therapist can encourage both parties to evaluate strengths and weaknesses of the relationship. If patterns emerge, such as patterns of infidelity or emotional abuse, the therapist can address them. If you feel you’re to blame for the affair, the therapist can help you to work through those problems. You may have feelings of inadequacy, or betrayal or anger and the therapist can help you  to deal with them. The partner who had the affair may need to work through feeling of regret, or may even need to know why they felt it necessary to have an affair. Here,too, the therapist can help. The partner who cheated may need to work on communicating dissatisfaction with the relationship so that the temptation of infidelity (or an excuse for it) can be avoided. Be specific. The more specific you are, the more tangible will be the changes that you both make to help your relationship go forward.  Do you need certain times each week, an hour or so, in which you discuss problems that have cropped up between you? Do you need more physical attention, more affection? Do you need more romance? Do you need something simple, like going to bed at the same time each night? Keep in mind that you’re “resetting the clock.” This is a chance to start over, using your prior experiences to inform the way you define and maintain your relationship. Why did your partner think your relationship wasn’t working?  This will probably be difficult since your partner was the one who had the affair.  You may not be feeling in an especially generous and giving mood. Remind yourself that you’re addressing an underlying problem by finding out just what your partner thinks can be improved. You're working to avoid another affair. As time passes, the discussions about the details of the affair will become less frequent. They should.  You don’t want the affair to be what your relationship is about. When you find it's no longer urgent for you to talk about the affair, set aside specific times for discussing it so that the affair won’t overwhelm the relationship. Enjoy each other’s company by revisiting the types of things that you used to do together that you enjoyed.  Put fun and friendship back into your relationship by revisiting activities that once made you feel close. Add new activities so that your relationship will feel authentic and not contrived. Movies, long drives, nature walks, dinner out, visiting friends . . . what were the things you did together that made you feel closer? Make a date night once a week a regular routine. Talk about the present rather than the past when you’re on your date, so that you can go forward and reinvigorate your relationship.  Don’t let the affair define your relationship.  You'll always be aware that your partner was unfaithful to you.  But lack of trust can't be the basis for a healthy rebuilt relationship. Most affairs are preceded by problems with communicating. Misunderstandings occur and feelings get hurt. Avoid these problems by communicating routinely.  Share your daily experiences. It’s not necessary to give a blow-by-blow account.  But keep in touch with each other’s lives and thoughts by communicating. Listen to your partner.  Show you care about their experiences, thoughts, feelings. It takes time. There are stages you’ll go through, from the initial crisis, to a loss of belief in your relationship, to slowly coming to trust your partner again.  It could take six months to rebuild trust in the relationship.  It could take two years. It's up to you to decide how much time and effort to put in. Think about the time spent as an investment in a relationship that will, hopefully, last many many years.

summary: Consider getting professional help. Tell your partner what your needs are. Ask your partner how you can make the relationship better. Restore your relationship by working together. Communicate consistently with your partner. Be patient with the rebuilding process.


Summarize the following:
Compliments are jarring for people with low self-esteem because they clash with deeply held personal beliefs. If you feel that you’re unattractive and stupid, a compliment about your looks or intelligence will automatically seem insincere. Recognize that this thinking is flawed, first of all.  Try to give your peers the benefit of the doubt. Resist the urge to assume that a compliment is ignorant, malicious, or angling for something. Reverse your way of thinking. Instead of questioning why someone would ever give you a compliment, try to think of why they would want to trick, taunt, or manipulate you. There usually isn’t a good reason. Consider who is giving the compliment if you know them. If you know this person to be a sincere, good natured person, then it is unlikely that they have malicious intent with their compliment. Your initial reaction on hearing a compliment might be something along the lines of “This is a joke, right?” or “Is this guy serious?” The problem with low self-esteem is that you yourself don’t believe the compliment. To accept one, then, you need to outwardly suppress this reaction.  Avoid denying the compliment by saying something like “That’s not really true,” “No, I’m not,” or “You’d know better if you knew me.” People may interpret this sort of reaction as a personal rejection.  Try also to avoid hedging comments that downplay the compliment, like saying, “It’s nothing” or “It’s really not a big deal.” Expressing your disbelief too openly may be rude, as well: “Yeah right.” Let the compliment stand and settle in. You don’t have to say anything. If you absolutely can’t stay silent, say something neutral or in question form as, for instance, “Oh, do you really think so?” Part of letting a compliment stand is to confront and quiet your inner-critic, at least for the moment. You may notice that voice in your head whenever you get a compliment, undermining what’s been said. The thing is, your inner critic is too harsh, generalizes, and can be illogical. Challenge this voice.  Try to acknowledge your strengths. For instance, try to replace “Sam complimented me on my presentation. Why? It was terrible!” with “Sam liked my presentation. I don’t feel great about it, but maybe I got some things right!” Notice when your inner critic makes illogical leaps, such as “Alex complimented my shirt and smiled – she must be laughing at me behind my back.” Think instead, “OK, Alex smiled. People usually smile when they’re being friendly. Maybe she meant it.”

summary: Assume that the compliment is sincere. Resist the urge to hedge or deny. Challenge your inner critic.


Summarize the following:
Avoid cleaning your roof in direct sunlight. Keep in mind that metal and light-colored paint will reflect sunlight and create glare, which may drastically reduce your vision. If the layout of your roof requires you to climb onto it, do so when it’s dry out to reduce the risk of slipping. Of course, once you start washing your roof, it will get wet and pose a risk. However, it’s still a smart idea to reduce that risk as much as possible. Before you haul all of your gear up, set up your ladder. Climb onto the roof and judge your ability to reach all of its parts. If you feel that certain parts are too precarious for you to safely reach, err on the side of caution and do not attempt to clean it. Keep in mind that your power washer or hose will extend your reach considerably. If any out-of-reach areas look like they need scrubbing afterward, hire a professional to do so. Do not attempt to wash your roof alone. Whether you need to mount the roof itself or can do the job from a ladder, play it safe. Ask someone to spot you so they can:  Assist you in bringing gear up and down. Alert you to any hazards that you may not be aware of. Call for help in the event of an accident. Protect yourself from a fall. Wear a safety harness. Attach a safety line between that and a sturdy feature of your roof (like a chimney). If none are available, use either a:  Bolt-strap anchor for corrugated roofs. Ridge clamp for standing-seam roofs.
summary: Wait for dry weather and overcast skies. Clean only those areas that are easily reached. Have a partner. Secure yourself.