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Talking for a long time can seem like a lecture to your teen, so try not to make lengthy comments or offer extensive advice to your teen. Instead, try to keep your comments short and to the point. For example, if your teen wants to know why they can’t have a later curfew, you might say something like, “I know that you enjoy spending time with your friends, but 10pm is the curfew that we agreed on because you have obligations in the morning, and because I worry about you driving late at night. We can discuss a later curfew in a few months, but right now I think we should stick with the curfew that we agreed on.” Finding ways to help your teen see themselves as part of a team may also help to improve communication. You can create a team narrative by telling stories about an injustice or major obstacle that someone in your family overcame, such as coming back from a job loss or standing up to someone. You can also use projects to get your teen to engage with the family. For example, you can involve your teen in redecorating the family room, putting together a scrapbook, or planning a family vacation. While it is not a good idea to follow your teen’s every move on social media, you may be able to use social media to connect with your teen now and then. For example, you might share a news story that you know would be interesting to your teen on your teen’s Facebook wall, or respond to an Instagram photo that your teen posted. Find out what social media outlets your teen uses most often and look for occasional opportunities to engage with your teen through these outlets.  Don’t involve yourself in online conversations that your teen is having with her friends. Don’t use social media as a way to spy on your teen. Teens are in transition from childhood to adulthood and they require more privacy than they once did. When you talk with your teen, avoid prying into your teen’s personal life, especially if your teen seems reluctant to share something.  For example, if your teen goes on a date, don’t request a play-by-play description of the evening. You might simply say something like, “They seemed like a nice person. I hope you had a fun evening.”
Keep comments brief. Create a team narrative. Use technology to engage your teen. Respect your teen’s privacy.