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Sharing more of your emotions with your partner and encouraging your partner to do the same with you will help strengthen your bond. Make it a habit to confide in each other every day. Some opening questions for confiding in your partner include:  “Remember when we used to go walking and talking around the neighborhood, walking the dogs together? Let’s do that tonight… How about it?” “What happened yesterday between us didn’t go so well, and I want to try another way — can we start over, and this time I will take some deep breaths and listen more patiently.  I also want to say what works better for me and find out what you are hoping for.” In order to move forward in your relationship, you will both need to learn how to understand each other’s needs. The best way to uncover what your partner needs, and let them know what you need, is to talk about it. If you are not sure what your spouse wants or needs, the best way to find out is to ask questions and listen. If you still are not sure, ask more questions. For example, you could say something like, “I think that what you need from me is ________. Is that what you mean?” Showing appreciation through sincere compliments is an important part of a healthy relationship. Make sure that you and your partner are aware of the importance of complimenting each other and that you both know how to do it well. Good compliments should not only be sincere and specific, they should also be phrased as an “I” statement rather than as a “you” statement. For example, if your partner cleans the kitchen, don’t say “You did a nice job of cleaning the kitchen.” Instead, say "I appreciate that you cleaned the kitchen.” Using I instead of you lets your partner know how you feel, not just that you noticed. If you decide that you are ready to move forward in your relationship with your partner, you should ask your partner to promise you that they will not follow the same pattern of behavior that led to the affair. Ask your partner to articulate or even write out what that behavior includes and commit to change. Since there is a possibility that your partner may cheat again, you should work together to establish consequences for another affair. These consequences may include things like divorce or other repercussions. You may want to get these consequences in writing and work with a lawyer to make them legally binding. If things don’t improve despite all of your best efforts and the help of marriage counseling, you may have to accept that the relationship cannot be repaired. Signs that the relationship may be beyond repair include:  Constant fighting Inability to connect with your partner Inability to empathize with or receive empathy from your partner Hurt and anger that does not subside with time Inability to forgive your partner
Encourage your partner to be more open with you. Be considerate of each other’s needs. Appreciate each other. Ask your partner to commit to change. Establish consequences to deal with the possibility of another affair. Know when to end the relationship.