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To begin your journey into the world of cliques, figure out the members of your child’s clique.  Ask your child, “Who is in your group of friends?”  Like any good detective, you should try to get as much information as possible. Other questions you might have include:  Is there a clique leader? How long have you been participating in the clique? What do you and your clique do together? Cliques can seem downright awful. The word might conjure images of icy queen bees and power struggles. However,  keep in mind that it’s normal and natural for children to show preferences for friends or certain types of people. Cliques can help your child develop a sense of self-worth and self-confidence.  In a clique of friends, your child may feel protected and accepted for who they are. Understand that your child wants to feel accepted, and a clique can provide that for them. If your child only spends time with their clique, their ability to make new friends might suffer. That means they won’t be exposed to a diversity of people, plus they may feel more pressure to engage in cliquish behavior.  To help your child branch out and make some new, fun friends, encourage them to sign up for a couple of extracurriculars. Think sports, theater, music, and clubs. Community-sponsored athletic programs are a fun and economical option. Chat with your local community activity board or recreational department for more information about children’s programs in your area. Cliques – for good or bad – tend to impose conformity on their members. The members might act the same, dress the same, and engage in the same activities. Your child is a unique individual who’s probably pretty awesome just as they are. In order to help your child maintain their sense of self, provide positive feedback to your child on a regular basis.  For instance, you could say to your child:  “I like you just the way you are.” ”It’s okay for you to do things differently than other people do.”  ”I like when you are kind and polite to others.” Whether your child is the clique leader or not, you should help them find a voice in the clique. This is even more important if you suspect that a dictator-esque clique leader might be leading them astray.  For example, give your child a confidence boost by telling them, “Your friends in the clique will admire you for having the courage to do the right thing and treat others kindly.” Help your child empathize with others by reminding them of the time before they were surrounded by a clique, or encouraging them to do volunteer work. Even doing kind things for friends and family members can foster compassion! It can be something simple, like whipping up a snack for a younger sibling. This can help your child relate to kids who aren’t in a clique, and hopefully, treat them a little more kindly. Sometimes, the stereotype of the clique as a hotbed for snide remarks and sabotage isn’t far off. Bullying behavior is often a part of life in a clique, with members egging on each other’s bullying. Decide what consequences you think would be appropriate as punishment for bullying behaviors.  Stay on the lookout for this behavior, which may include:  verbal threats or name-calling physical attacks (kicking, pushing, hitting) taunting (making faces or obscene gestures) starting rumors Conformity is part of human nature. If the other kids in the clique are engaging in negative behavior, your kid is more likely to engage in that behavior, too. Removing your child from the clique environment can get them away from kids who might be having a negative influence on them. Although this subject is touchy, do your best to discourage them from spending time with the clique.  Of course, hopefully you will never have to take this step. Make sure to have discussions about what makes someone a good person and a good friend. This can help your child to decide for themselves when they meet people. However, if your child’s clique is landing them in trouble again and again, it might be time to talk about finding new friends. There are lots of ways to approach this subject. For instance, you could say, “I’d feel more comfortable if you didn’t spend time with that group of friends.” Get third parties involved, too, such as faith leaders, school guidance counselors, or trusted family friends. Tell them about your child’s clique and loop them into your anti-clique efforts. There’s strength in numbers! If your child is unresponsive, as kids often are when it comes to parental suggestions, take a more authoritative stance.  Say, “I forbid you from spending time with that group of friends” or inform them that you will be revoking certain privileges until they stop spending time with the clique.
Find out more about the clique. Don’t automatically reject your child being in a clique. Help your child extend their peer group. Support your child’s individuality. Encourage your child to use their leadership skills for good. Keep an eye out for bullying. Discourage your child from participating if necessary.