Summarize the following:
When one of your guy friends is mad at you, you may be tempted to tell your other friends about it. However, you should avoid talking about it, unless you’re genuinely looking for advice on how to fix the situation. If you’re bad mouthing the guy or saying negative things about him when he’s not around, then it’s likely that he’ll find out and that he’ll be more angry with you than ever. In fact, it’s far better that you say good things about the guy “behind his back” so that he’ll be more inclined to forgive you if it gets back to him. It can be hard for guys to be honest with each other, but if you want to move forward in your friendship, then honesty really is the best policy. Let him know what caused the fight to begin with and what you wish you had done differently. Being honest and open with him in this moment will lead him to respect you more and will make him much more likely to trust you and to want to be friends again. Let him know how you really feel and what you want to gain from the conversation. Don’t play it cool just because you’re afraid of showing your true feelings. Tell the guy that you’ve felt terrible about the fight, that you hate being in conflict with him, and that you really appreciate his friendship and couldn’t imagine your life without it. If you really made a mistake, then it’s time to fess up and tell him what you did and how you feel so you can both move on from it.  Just come out with it. Say, “I’m really sorry that I hurt your feelings. I really regret it.” Don’t give him a half-hearted apology just so you can both move on; show him that you really mean it. If you and your guy friend are tight, then there’s nothing wrong with giving him a hug. If you’ve both genuinely made up and are excited about being friends again, just give him a tight bear hug to let him know how much he really means to you. Guys aren’t as verbal about how much they appreciate their friendships, so if you’re shy when it comes to talking about it, you should tell him how you feel as much as you can and then give him a big hug to cement the deal. If you’ve never hugged him before, you may be nervous about it, but it won’t be a big deal if you just act like it’s perfectly normal. After you’ve reconciled, you can be a little bit extra nice to your guy friend without making it obvious that you’re trying to suck up to him so you’ll be back in his good graces. Do a small favor for him, like picking up coffee, if he needs it, or help him cram for an exam or prepare for a job interview. You can also just make sure to treat him with a bit more care and respect, and avoid offending him or making careless comments. If you can think of something he’s been wanting to do, like going to a certain concert or movie, invite him to come along with you. If you really want to prove that you learned your lesson, then you should be careful, moving forward. Avoid getting into fights with the guy, and more importantly, avoid doing whatever you did to cause the fight to begin with. Pay closer attention to how you act and learn to read the guy’s body language and facial expressions to know when he’s getting upset or uncomfortable, and try to keep this from happening.  If you just keep doing the same old thing and fighting again, then you’ll never have a fulfilling friendship. If you really care about your guy friend, then you should be willing to change your ways.

summary: Don’t gossip about him to other friends. Be honest about what happened. Apologize and make up if you’re both ready. Hug it out. Give him an extra bit of kindness afterwards. Don’t let it happen again.


Summarize the following:
Even if your friends' lives seem perfect in every way, they probably aren't. If you really get to know your friends, you will find out that not everything is as it seems. They might be struggling at school or they might have a really difficult home life, and these things may be causing them to feel insecure.   Don't point out all of your friends' shortcomings to them. If they are the type of people who feel the need to emphasize their superiority, they will not respond well to this kind of criticism. Instead, use this knowledge to help you better cope with your friends' behavior. Your friends may even be envious of you. Some people have a very hard time accepting that they are not the best at everything, which causes them to put successful people down. Snobs thrive off of other people's willingness to accept that they are inferior to them. If you drool over their expensive clothes or praise them excessively for their accomplishments, you're only fueling their feelings of superiority. Instead, try not to show any emotion when they start bragging. Just say, "cool" or "congratulations," and change the subject.  If your friends are genuinely more knowledgeable about a topic than you are, it's fine to be respectful of their knowledge, but if they are acting so superior that they refuse to let you contribute to the conversation, you need to stand up for yourself. Try doing your research so that you are well-informed about the topic. This will put you in a much better position to engage your friends with thoughtful commentary, and maybe even to let them know when they are wrong. If you think your friends might be willing to change their behavior, but need a bit of a wake up call first, you might want to stage an intervention, in which you sit them down and honestly talk to them about how their behavior affects you and the other people around them. You can also suggest ways that they can change. Interventions are typically used for people who are struggling with substance abuse, but they can work well in this kind of situation as well.  Telling narcissistic people that they are arrogant or selfish will only cause them to become defensive, which will likely make their behavior worse. If you are going to confront your friends about their behavior, you need to do it in a nurturing, non-insulting way.  Don't expect too much from this interaction. If your friends truly believe in their superiority, they are unlikely to offer you any recognition or acknowledgement. Even if they don't change, however, you can still be proud of yourself for being a good friend and trying to help them. You can stage an intervention by yourself, but if you have other friends who are also affected by the behavior, a group intervention may be even more effective. While you need to be cautious about insulting your friends' personalities, it is perfectly reasonable to let them know what kinds of behaviors you find unacceptable. Make it clear that if they don't respect the boundaries, you will walk away. If, for example, your friends tease you about your looks, tell them that you are not okay with it and will not tolerate it. The moment they begin to engage in the behavior, you should end the conversation and walk away. Many people who feel the need to put others down do so because they are afraid of being vulnerable and relying on others, not because they are completely lacking in the ability to express empathy. Help your friends feel more comfortable relying on you by praising them whenever they display empathy and by letting them know how special the friendship is to you. It may help your friends let down their walls if you can be a little vulnerable around them. Once they realize that you are not a threat to them, they might be willing to expose their own insecurities. Try having a conversation with them about your fears and encourage them to contribute.
summary: Don't fall for the image. Act unimpressed. Stage an intervention. Set boundaries. Encourage empathy.