Generally, any property that you owned before the marriage remains your own separate property and isn't divided. Most property acquired during the marriage is considered joint property, although there are some exceptions.  Any property that one of you received as a gift or inheritance during your marriage is also considered separate property. In most states, if you and your spouse disagree on whether to characterize a particular piece of property as separate or joint property, it is presumed to be joint property if it was acquired during the marriage. The spouse who believes it is separate property must prove that to the judge. With a few exceptions, debts acquired during the marriage are considered joint debts, even if only one spouse's name is on the account. If you acquired the debt before the marriage, however, it is considered your separate debt. With some exceptions, you're typically responsible for that on your own.  For example, if you incurred debt in anticipation of the marriage, or because your spouse agreed to help you pay it back, you may be able to argue that the debt is joint debt. However, if your spouse disagrees you would have to back up your claim with evidence, such as text messages between you and your spouse in which your spouse agreed to help you pay back the debt. If one of you acquired student loan debt while you were married, that debt is typically considered joint debt, even if the other spouse didn't cosign on the loan. Once you've made a list of assets and debts, you have to share this information with your spouse. Your spouse is responsible for making a similar list. Typically, you simply share this information with each other. However, some states also require you to file these forms with the court that is handling your divorce. For example, in California, you must complete these forms within 60 days of filing your petition for divorce. The forms must be accompanied by 2 years' worth of tax returns. If you and your spouse have children, you need to figure out who is going to have primary custody of the kids. Courts in most states consider it in the children's best interests to spend time with both parents, unless one parent is shown to be abusive or incapable of caring for the children.  Most states have worksheets you can use to help determine equitable parenting time and child support that should be paid. These worksheets typically are included in the form packet for couples with children. If you don't believe your spouse should have time with your kids, it's typically a good idea to get an attorney to help you. You will have to prove to the court that your spouse is unfit to care for your kids, and this process can get very heated. In some situations, the court may appoint a guardian ad litem (GAL) to represent your children. The GAL will interview the children, parents, and other adults who spend time with the children, including teachers, coaches, or religious leaders. The GAL also observes the child interacting with parents or other adults. They then write up a report that tells the judge what arrangement they believe is in the best interests of the children. If you and your spouse can't agree on issues related to parenting time or the division of your property, a mediator can help. The clerk of the family court where you filed your petition will have a list of court-approved mediators that you can choose from.  Mediation for divorcing couples is free in many states. In some states, mediation is required by law if you and your spouse can't agree. Because mediation is a non-confrontational environment, it can help you if you and your spouse are at each other's throats or if emotions run high whenever you start discussing divorce-related issues. Once you've come to an agreement, you and your spouse fill out a form to submit to the court that outlines your decisions. Technically, the judge can alter this agreement, although in practice few do.  The settlement agreement form is typically part of your divorce form packet. Your court may have a deadline by which you must submit this form. Any deadline is usually listed in the instructions for your form packet. You can also call the clerk's office and find out. If there are any issues that you and your spouse didn't agree on, mark them clearly on the settlement agreement. These are issues that you want the judge to decide for you.

Summary: Determine what property is separate and what property is joint property. Make a list of you and your spouse's debts. Complete your financial disclosure forms. Talk to your spouse about how you want to split parenting time. Attend mediation if necessary. Write up your settlement agreement.


Estimates point to nearly two million teens and young adults in America who purposely injure themselves in some way. Statistics show that young women are more likely to self-injure than young men. So, know that if you are a young person who has been hurting yourself, you are not alone. There are many others out there who know what you are going through, and you can get help. It might give you hope to visit websites where you can read stories about others who have overcome the urge to self-harm. Self-injury basically means causing harm to oneself on purpose. A common example of self-injury is cutting using a knife, razor, or other sharp object. Other methods may include biting, pinching, burning, hitting, pulling out hair, or picking at wounds. Extreme cases may even result in broken bones. People who self-injure often do so in secret. Your friends or family members may be unaware of the signs because self-injurers often wear long sleeves and pants and focus the injuries on hidden areas like the limbs and torso. Oftentimes, self-injury is a release for emotional pain. You may not have role models for dealing with feelings like anger, sadness, disappointment, or frustration, or you may have been raised to hide these emotions. The harmful behavior serves as an outlet. In some cases, teens might hurt themselves because they feel numb; they just want to feel something. However, self-harm is generally followed by shame or guilt that leads to more self-injurious behavior, a dangerous and endless cycle. Try to pay attention to when you have the urge to harm yourself. What happened before you started cutting, scratching, etc.? What did you feel in your body? What thoughts went through your head? Identifying these triggers can shed insight on how to overcome self-harm when you do seek help. Research has connect self-jury to psychiatric disorders like eating disorders, borderline personality disorder, depression, anxiety, substance abuse disorder, and developmental disabilities, to name a few. You may be struggling with one of these conditions and the self-harm is merely a symptom of a larger problem. However, some adolescents engage in self-harm who do not meet the criteria for any mental disorder.
Summary: Accept that you are not alone. Recognize what self-harm is. Look for triggers. Know that self-injury can be a symptom of a bigger issue.