Write down all of your major goals that you feel you have achieved and want to achieve. In turn, write down the events in your life that have already happened and that have shaped or affected you. When life brings problems or misfortunes it shapes our belief system and makes us think differently, but it also makes us us. These things you list are organically you, not a simple reflection of society.  This isn't an exercise in wallowing. It's about clarification and identification of issues. These issues might be keeping you from reaching your present potential and letting your true self blossom. Spend a little time clarifying the past in your timeline. A timeline is an incredibly objective method for marking down past occurrences in your life that you consider to be major. You can look at them as formation blocks and as changing experiences along your timeline without imbuing them with too much emotion (as would occur within a diary account). As if writing a résumé, keep it simple, real, and condensed to the major effects or lessons learned from each past incident. When analyzing negative past experiences, focus on what you learned from them. Everyone has these blips in their timeline, but exaggerating or ignoring them won't help you. Instead, recognize that these experiences shaped you. For most people (it's more common than you may think) life is pretty easy to go through while on autopilot; we practically get handed a road map for how reality "works." Go to school, get a job, get married, think this, that, and the other, and boom — hope you had a good time. And that's all well and good — it gets the job done certainly — but it doesn't allow room for you. So sit down with yourself. At the end of the timeline, come up with a few beliefs of yours that aren't based on logic, but are based on what you've been told. We all have them. Now, what do you actually think?  Society has a very covert way of handing us the "misfits", condemning the "losers", idolizing the "beautiful", alienating the "strange." But here's a heads up: These describing words have no basis in reality. How do you feel about the world around you? Think about what you believe to be good and bad — not what anyone else has told you. Feel free to think more concretely. Do you actually agree with your parents' political or religious affiliations? Is having a career really the most important thing to you? Do thick, black glasses really make you feel "cooler?" If the answer is no, great! There's absolutely zero problems with not molding yourself to pre-existing norms. Now all you have to do is unlearn and then relearn. Only this time, relearn based on your gut. Confidence and reliance are at the heart of finding yourself. If you don't have a solid sense of self-worth, you'll listen to what others have to say all the time and to be swayed by their insistence on what is appropriate. Learn to believe in yourself and trust your own feelings. Then, you'll come up with a structure to base your new sense of self on. Remember, be patient with yourself and confident in your abilities. Everything will come with time.  If you have been victimized in the past, confront these issues. They're not going to go away on their own. They might be coloring your approach to daily life, causing you to live up to other people's expectations instead of your own. Start trusting your own judgment and decision-making processes, mistakes and all. We all make mistakes, but through mistakes we find ourselves growing, learning, and reaching our real selves. Start taking responsibility for budgeting, household matters, and planning about the future. People who lack a sense of self tend to disregard the "details" of life with a carefree attitude, believing that things will all sort themselves out. But things don't always sort themselves out. Taking responsibility pulls you back from the precipice and lets you be self-reliant and self-determined, no longer carried along by the waves of fate. Develop your own moral conduct and practice sticking to it. Start by overcoming bad habits.  Stop smoking, over-eating, and abusive drinking. These are examples of lapses or habits that will prevent you from functioning at your peak. They also let you "off the hook" by sidestepping the analysis of why you use these crutches instead of finding better ways to brighten your life. This step may take some major rehabilitation for some individuals but putting it into the too-hard basket won't make it go away. Remember, you can't drive your life forward if you are always gazing through your rear-view mirror! You may find that having all your other affairs in order will help expedite the process to grabbing a firm hold on your identity. So clean your room. Do your homework. Resolve that fight with that friend. Getting everything else out of the way will clear up the path to "me" time. We all have excuses for why we're not growing in the direction we want to be growing — it could be money, school, a job, a relationship, you name it, someone's used it. If you're a busy bee, take strides to clear your schedule so you can sit down and tackle this thing head on. If it's always priority #2, it'll never get done.

Summary: Create your own life timeline. Distinguish your thoughts from the thoughts of others. Start relying on yourself. Prepare to begin again with a clean slate. Organize your world.


Friendships can blossom with a series of one-on-one interactions. It can be fun to go out in a big group now and again; this can also be a way to meet people and make friends. However, try to have one-on-one time with people you really click with. This can help a strong friendship develop.  If you meet someone you click with in a big group, reach out to them. Invite them out to dinner or for a drink. The two of you can spend some time chatting and getting to know one another more in depth. Keeping the first one-on-one encounter brief can help keep the potential friend interested and feeling positive about the future of the friendship. Push beyond small talk. Bonds tend to form when people feel vulnerable. As you start to get close to someone, confess some deeper information. Talk about your secrets, insecurities, dreams, and more. Sharing sensitive information with someone can strengthen a bond.  Laugh at yourself! Find something you did that day or something about yourself that you can poke fun at — this is generally endearing to people. However, make sure not to share sensitive information with someone until you're sure you can trust them. If you want to build a strong friendship, communication is important. Make an effort to talk to your friend as often as possible.  If you met your friend at a club or meeting, chat that friend up each time you get a chance. Sit next to your new friend in meetings so you can talk before and after meetings. Text when you can. It's easy to have strong, interesting conversations via text. Friendship builds over time, and small gestures can go a long way towards keeping a friendship strong. Pick up your friend's favorite treat if they've had a bad day. Buy your friend a drink at the bar. Send your friend a text if you see something that reminds you of them while you're out on the town. Slowly, you will begin to form a stronger bond. Propose a road trip. The two of you can go out of town for the day to a spa or out for a hike. A road trip, even a short one, can give you time to bond. New experiences help foster strong friendships. If there's something the two of you have always wanted to do, try it together. For example, take a trip to a mountain range you've always wanted to hike together. Be patient. It takes around six to eight meaningful interactions before you will really feel like you're friends with someone. You cannot force friendship to take place overnight. Allow your friendship to develop at its own pace.
Summary: Strive for one-on-one time. Don't be afraid to get personal. Communicate regularly. Do little things to keep the friendship strong. Take trips together. Give it time.