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Some guys bond with people by doing things instead of through talking. He might feel closer to you if you do side by side activities together. Examples of side by side activities would be playing sports, playing a game, or working on a project together. Pay attention to the kinds of activities that he likes to do, and do those activities with him. For example, if he likes to do outdoors activities like shooting, have him teach you how to shoot a gun. Or if there is a game that he likes to play, learn how to play too.  Even if you don’t know how to do the activities that he likes to do, it can mean a lot to him if you try to learn. Enjoy yourself while you are out with him. Laugh aloud at your mistakes, ask lots of questions, and talk to the other people who are doing the activity too. Even if he is a guy who enjoys talking, it might build your relationship in a new way if you do side by side activities together. Some guys do feel connected with girls based on their feelings and talking, and even guys who may not be always excited to talk about their feelings may want to talk to you about the things they care about once they are really comfortable with you. After you have spent quality time getting to know him, you should move on to getting to know him on a deeper level. He will feel closer to you and rely on you more if you know more about what he cares about and the history of his life.  These kinds of conversations are great to have at night. You should ask him questions about important times in his past, the important relationships in his life, and the things he cares about. For example, you can ask him, “Which of your interests means the most to who you are, and why do you care so much about it?” Or ask him, “Who in your family do you think you are the closest with and why?”. These questions can be really simple but listening well will help you have a really meaningful conversation with him. For your conversation, sit across from him or in a position where you can see his face and hear him well. Ask him questions about him and use the following listening skills to have a great conversation with him.  Show him in your body posture that you are listening. Make eye contact, nod your head and react to him with small noises or gestures while he is speaking. Give him the right amount of distance. If you stand too close, you may come off as overly interested and stifling while standing too far away will make you seem distant. Give him space to talk but position yourself so that you can hear and see him well. Restate the main idea of what he is saying. This will let him know that you really understand the point what he is saying. If he is talking about his frustrating day, for example, you can summarize the most important parts of what he has said so far. For example, you could say, “So you are saying that you didn’t understand why your brother was acting up until you saw what was going on with him at school.” Be empathetic to his feelings. Empathy means you can understand the feeling that he experienced even if you do not share a common feeling. For example, you can combine restating his main idea and being empathetic by saying something like, “You must have felt so frustrated to have to retake that test after you studied so hard the first time.” It is important to tell him that you understand the feelings he has and the reasons why he feels the way he does. Don’t forget to put yourself out there, too. If you really like him, you could feel shy talking about yourself, but he will build a better connection with you if you can talk to him about the things that you care about, too. Tell him about the important relationships in your life, the big experiences that you are going through, and the good things that you love in your life. As before, make eye contact with him when you talk, use your gestures to express your feelings, and let your tone of voice express what you mean. He will be better able to connect and care for you when he is able to understand what important stuff that is going on with you. Everyone needs someone to lean on during hard times. If you can be that person for him, you will build a really strong bond that will make him feel close to you. There are lots of things you can do to be there for him in hard times. For example, if you know he has been struggling with his grades and is going to have a difficult conversation with his teacher, send him a text encouraging him before he goes into talk. You can say something like, “Good luck- I know you’ll be able work it out because you always do.” Then after his talk with his teacher ask him how it went, and let him know you are there if he wants to talk.  Sometimes people would rather be distracted when they are going through something hard. In that case, send him funny texts that make him laugh. If he tells you that he is having a hard time with something, ask him if he wants to get together and talk about it. Or you can let him know that you are there for him if he just wants to hang out and chill. If you can be there for him during hard times, this will make your connection deeper and make him more likely to go to you the next time something good or bad happens with him. Guys like it when they feel needed. If something is going on with you that you need help with, let him know, and ask for his help in advance. For example, if you need help painting posters after school for a club, ask him if there is a day he is available to help you. When he gets there make sure that you have something for him to do. Accomplishing tasks together is a great way to bond people together in new ways.
Do side by side activities with him. Get to know about his interests and the important relationships in his life. Find a quiet place for a conversation where you won’t be interrupted. Express yourself back to him. Be there during hard times as a confidant. Ask him for help.