Summarize the following:
People who are refined have opinions, but they tend to keep them to themselves when they involve other people in a negative light. If you want to be refined, then you should be above gossiping about other people, starting rumors, or asking if your two co-workers or classmates are hooking up. If you have the reputation of being a gossip, then people won’t think of you as refined at all; instead, they’ll see you as an unsophisticated, immature person. To be truly refined, you should be positive if you plan on talking about a person who isn’t in the room.  Instead, practice saying nice things about people “behind their backs.” Say nice things about people who aren’t in the room and it will get back to them. Refined people don’t pick fights with people and don’t make a big deal about it if they disagree with something. They are still comfortable stating their opinions, but they don’t do so to make other people feel bad or to look superior. If you find someone challenging your ideas when you’re having a conversation, then you should be polite about disagreeing, and not resort to name calling. Refined people should be easy to get along with, and are easygoing and tend to go with the flow instead of being prickly or confrontational.  If you’re asked to settle an argument and know the answer — lets say people are debating about whether a quote is attributed to The Bible or Shakespeare — then it’s best to say you’re not sure of the answer even if you do. There’s no need to cause conflict. If someone is trying to tell you your opinions are worthless, do not engage. Take the high road and exit the conversation instead of being determined to prove the person wrong. Refined people are knowledgeable and interesting, but they don’t need to brag to make it known. Even if you’ve memorized every scene in every Goddard film or speak eight foreign languages, you shouldn’t go telling everyone you know. Instead, wait for your areas of interest to come up in conversation so that people can be impressed by how much you know instead of thinking you’re obnoxious for showing off. When you share what you do know, don’t act like an authority but just casually mention the information in a friendly way instead.  You should praise people on their achievements as often as you can instead of harping on your own. If you’ve really accomplished a lot, then people will hear about it. If they mention it, be modest instead of acting like yeah, you know you’re pretty great. If you really want to be refined, then it’s important for you to spend time with like-minded people. Refined people spend time with other people they can talk to about politics, wine, traveling, other cultures, foreign films, cultural events in their areas, and other subjects of interest. They don’t spend time with too many people who can’t contribute much to a conversation or who don’t listen to anything other than Top 40 and watch Judge Judy for a cultural good time. They tend to be friends with people who can stimulate them and encourage them to be even better than they are.  Though it’s not refined to completely ditch someone in your circle because you think that person makes you look bad, you should think about the company you keep. If you think you spend too much time with people who are vulgar, lack class, and who bring you down, then it’s time to reconsider those relationships. People who are refined have interesting opinions about politics, sports, cuisine, wine, and other subjects, but they try to avoid being a bore and talking about them all night long. They also tend to avoid being self-absorbed and talking about themselves incessantly. They’d prefer to talk about other people or about interesting world matters instead. It’s not refined to do 90% of the talking in a conversation, no matter how interesting you may think you are. If you’ve noticed that you’re dominating a conversation, switch gears and ask the people you’re with light questions, from what they’re doing this weekend to what their favorite sports team is. Good manners are a sign of refinement. In order to have good manners, you’ll need to eat with your mouth closed, avoid cursing, wait your turn, hold doors and pull out chairs for people, and generally conduct yourself in an admirable fashion. People with good manners are sensitive to the needs of others and make sure other people, whether they are guests or serving you coffee, are feeling comfortable. Ask people how they are, respect their space, and avoid making a mess if you want to have good manners. Be polite. Always greet people in a friendly fashion, introduce yourself to people you don’t know if they join a conversation, and avoid being unnecessarily rude to people even if you think they deserve it. You don’t have to speak seventeen languages to be cultured, but it does help to know something about other cultures, whether it’s knowing how to correctly pronounce “foie gras” when you order at a French restaurant, or you know that, in certain cultures, it’s polite to remove your shoes when you enter a person’s house. There’s no one way to suddenly become cultured, but you can make an effort to get to know how people live in other parts of the world, to watch foreign films, sample the cuisines of other countries, and most importantly, avoid having the attitude that everything is done the “right way” in your country.  Make a point of attending cultural events in your area, whether there are local theatres or museum openings. Read, read, read. Become knowledgeable on everything from ancient philosophy to contemporary poetry. Refined people tend to be very well-read. Refined people speak with extreme tact and understand that they have to choose their words and timing carefully when it comes to saying something. They don’t overstep their bounds and get too friendly with people they don’t know that well, they deflect negative comments from others, and they are able to be discreet when it’s necessary. They are masters at being gracious and don’t make people feel embarrassed in public.  Have a sense of a person’s sense of humor before you try to make a joke. Avoid mentioning how much money you make or asking about a person’s salary. That is seen as crude and not tactful at all. If someone has something in his teeth, for example, a tactful person would try to tell him privately. Tactful people also know that timing is important. You may be excited to announce that you’re pregnant, but you should see that you should avoid doing this when your friend is gushing about her engagement.

Summary:
Avoid gossiping. Be agreeable. Don’t brag. Keep refined company. Avoid dominating conversations. Have good manners. Be cultured. Be tactful.