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If you get into an argument with your child, don't let your ego get in the way of your relationship regardless of whether you are wrong or right. Try to remind yourself that you are the parent, and letting a fight drag on simply because you want to win is not good for your child or your relationship with them.   Develop your conflict resolution skills. If you struggle with what to do when a problem arises between you and your child, then work on your conflict resolution skills. Developing ways to calm down, analyze the situation, and communicate effectively with your child will help to ensure that you do not behave like a toxic parent. Your child will likely forget about who won or lost a certain fight, but they will probably remember how your actions during that fight made them feel about you and themselves. Thus, it is important to be as mature as possible. Don't ignore your child or make them feel stupid. If you're not sure how to end a fight, try calmly telling your child you need a few minutes to yourself. Take this time to calm down if you need. When you've calmed down, return to your child, and apologize for fighting. You don't even need to bring up what the fight was about or who was right/wrong. If you can't bring yourself to apologize, you can at least say, “I don't like it when we fight. Let's go do something fun together instead.” Give them a hug, and remind them how much you love them. For many parents, this can be difficult to do, especially if you tend to be overcritical of yourself. Many parents criticize their children because they simply want them to be the best they can be without realizing how this makes the child feel about themselves. Thus, it's important to think before you speak when you talk with your child, especially when it comes to talking to them about their performance on something. Instead, act as a guide for your child. Remind yourself that your child is learning how to do things every day, and they need your help, not your judgments.  If you have a hard time grasping this, think about how you feel when someone you love criticizes you. It probably doesn't make you feel good about yourself, even if you know it's not true. Even the most secure people don't enjoy being criticized. If your child is doing something that you think should be done differently, avoid saying something like, “That's such a dumb way to do that. Why would you think that's a good idea?” Instead, say something more positive such as, “You're doing great, can I show you how I normally do it? Then you can do it whichever way you prefer.” Remember that just because you do something a certain way doesn't mean it is the best way. Even if it is the best way, it's good to let your child have autonomy and figure some things out for themselves. One habit of many toxic parents is that they demand the attention of their children, especially when they are upset about something. Remind yourself, that, in your relationship with your child, you are not the center of attention, and your child probably doesn't have the maturity or coping skills to make you the center of their attention. Even if they do, it is not fair to expect your child to act as your caretaker. This doesn't mean that you can't be honest with your child about emotions you might be having. For example, if you are feeling sad and your child asks you what's wrong, you can tell them that you're feeling sad because something happened that you didn't want to happen. If it is appropriate, you can also tell them the reason you're sad. However, you should also remind your child that you'll be OK, you just need a bit of time to feel sad. You can do this rather than expect them to comfort you. Parenting is tough, so it is important to remember that making mistakes does not make you a toxic parent. Raising children can be very difficult, and occasionally, you might lose your cool. It is important to tell your child that you're sorry, remind them that you love them very much, and explain to them why you lost your temper, but make it clear that it wasn't because you think they are a bad kid. Forgive yourself. When you make a mistake, don't beat yourself up over it. You can reflect on what happened and why you think it happened in order to do better in the future, but it won't help you or your children to let yourself feel like a failure. Abuse is perhaps the worst thing that can happen to a child. The obvious forms of abuse are physical and sexual abuse. Both of these forms of abuse constitute completely unacceptable forms of behavior for a parent. However, a perhaps more common form of abuse is verbal abuse, which toxic parents are often guilty of using. This occurs whenever you say something to your child that harms their sense of self-worth or playing mind games aimed at putting you in control of your child's emotions.  Verbal abuse may not leave physical signs that the abuse happened, but it certainly leaves emotional scars that may afflict your child for the rest of your life. Many parents aren't aware of the research, which makes it clear that spanking is just as harmful to a child's emotional well-being as other forms of physical abuse, such as slapping, punching, pinching, etc.  If you have been spanking your child as a means of punishment, look for other, healthier ways to discipline your child for bad behavior. For example, take away a privilege and explain to them the reason that they have lost that privilege and when they can have it back. When it comes to child sexual abuse, any form of sexual touching between a child and an adult is considered sexual abuse. If you realize that you have been abusing your child either physically, sexually, or verbally, you should recognize that you have a problem and stop immediately. Seeking professional help for your issues is perhaps the best way to deal with anger and control issues.  The first thing you need to do is understand what abuse is. Stop trying to rationalize your behavior. Yes, parenting is tough, but abusing is never a good (or acceptable) way to deal with your frustration no matter how mad you might be. In many cases, abusers often abuse because that's how they were raised. Getting professional help to learn how to better deal with your anger and emotions is often the best way to stop the cycle. One way to avoid abusing a child is to walk away from the situation when you feel that you are too frustrated or angry to deal with the situation rationally. Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it.
Be the bigger person. Avoid constant criticism. Don't demand your child's attention. Remember that mistakes don't mean you're toxic. Understand that any form of abuse is toxic. Change your behavior.