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If your friend has been saying or doing concerning things, let them know that you’ve noticed and that you’re worried about them. Avoid getting upset or emotional when you do this as it may cause them to feel worse. Just tell your friend what you are concerned about in a straightforward manner.  For example, you might say something like, “John, I’ve noticed that you stopped coming to game nights and that you are spending most of your time alone. I’m worried about you.” Some examples of concerning behavior may include withdrawing, acting sad, self-harming, using drugs, gambling, or having unsafe sex. It’s important not to put too much pressure on your friend to talk, but letting them know that you’re there for them if they need you can help to reassure them. Offer to help them in any way that you can. Try saying something like, “I’m here for you if you ever want to talk,” or, “Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.” to your friend if they want to talk with you. Give your friend your undivided attention if they want to talk, such as by putting away your phone and shutting off the TV or your computer. Face them and make eye contact with them. While your friend is talking, pay close attention to what they say and nod to show you are hearing them. You can also rephrase what they say now and then to show you’re paying attention. For example, you might say something like, “It sounds like you’re saying that you haven’t felt happy in a while. Is that right?” with your friend to gain insight into what they’re feeling. Empathy is a way of understanding other people’s feelings by putting yourself into their shoes. Try to imagine how you’d feel if you were going through what your friend has experienced or described. You might feel sad, angry, confused, lonely, or all of these things at once. Be sensitive to your friend’s emotions as you listen and respond to them. For example, if your friend shares with you that they have been feeling depressed since the death of a family pet, imagine how you might feel if your pet died. If you have had an experience that is similar to your friend’s experience, sharing it with them might help them to feel better. However, make sure to share the story in a shortened version so you don’t end up turning the spotlight onto yourself. Remember that the point of sharing the story is to help your friend feel validated and less alone in their experience.  For example, if your friend shares with you that they are having trouble with schoolwork and worried about failing, you might say something like, “I struggled a lot with math last year and I thought I was going to fail. I had to get tutoring after school a few days per week for a while.” Or, if a friend shares with you that they’re feeling depressed and don’t know what to do about it, you might say, “I felt really lost, too, when I went through a depressive episode a couple of years ago. I don’t know if it would help you, but therapy really helped me.” Unsolicited advice is not usually received well, so it’s best to avoid advising your friend about what they should do. Instead, focus on listening to them and only offer advice if they directly ask you for it. And if you do make a suggestion, make sure to maintain a non-judgmental and somewhat uncertain tone. For example, if your friend asks what they should do about a conflict with another friend, you might say something like, “I don’t know if this will help you, but I usually find it’s best to talk to someone when I’m having an issue with them.”
Tell your friend if you’re worried about them. Let your friend know that you are there for them if they need your help. Listen Empathize Tell your friend a story if something similar happened to you. Make suggestions only if your friend asks for your advice.