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If little things are bothering you and you shove them down, they are just going to turn into an explosion at a bad time. If you deal with them as they happen, it won't be as big of a deal. If you find yourself starting a discussion while angry or getting angry while in the middle of a discussion, you may need to spend some time calming down. You know what calms you down. Maybe you need to take a short walk, listen to some music, or take a relaxing shower. You can also try counting to ten or taking a few deep breathes. Whatever you need to do, take a few minutes to calm down before continuing the discussion. Look for warning signs. If you find yourself feeling like you absolutely must win an argument, it's time to take a break. At that point, you're likely to say something you regret or keep the argument going long past the point that it's wise to do so. When you're angry, you're just thinking about how you've been wronged. However, as soon as you start forcing yourself to think about what the other person is going through, you start to pull yourself out of that mindset. Being empathetic can help drain your anger. It's important to respect what your partner is feeling, as he or she has a right to feel and express his or her emotions, whatever they are. Whether or not you think your partner is right about the problem, you should still validate what the person is feeling. Listening to what the other person has to say can help you develop empathy for what he or she is feeling. Don't just let the words pass over you. Actually think about what the person is saying, and maybe try to understand what is behind the words, as well.  One way to show you are listening is to try to summarize what the other person is saying. For example, you can say, "What I hear you saying is you get frustrated when you do more than your share of the housework." Another way to show you're listening is to ask relevant follow-up questions to make sure you understand what the other person is saying. You also have a right to discuss what you're feeling and thinking. The key is to keep a calm head. It's also important to be clear about what you're thinking and feeling. You can't expect your partner to read your mind when it comes to your thoughts and emotions.  Keep to talking about what you think about the problem, rather than placing blame. In other words, start with "I" instead of "You." For instance, you could say "I get anxious when the house isn't clean. Can we work on making a schedule for house cleaning so we can stay on top of it?" instead of "You never clean house with me!" The key to any relationship is learning to compromise. You can't just expect to win every argument, as relationships involve give and take. Compromising is about finding common ground and both of you giving a little on the issue.   Discuss your needs and wants.  If you can decide on what both you need, you can give a little in the "wants" section. Basically, you need to decide what areas are least and most important to you and learn to give in the areas that aren't as important. If you hate cleaning the bathroom but your spouse wants you to help out around the house more, maybe you can divide chores into ones you find more tolerable and ones he or she finds more tolerable. When you're arguing, it's tempting to name-call or make unfair remarks that drag up the past. You know how to push your partner's buttons because you know him or her so well. However, all that will serve to do is make everyone angrier, and may even damage the relationship irrevocably. Keep to the task at hand.
Stop bottling it up. Keep emotions at bay. Think about what the other person is going through. Listen attentively. Discuss your point of view calmly and clearly. Find ways to compromise. Skip the past.