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When you have to live with a toxic parent, it can be really difficult to deal with the emotions that come with that. You might feel very angry about the situation. Having a place to let off steam is a good way to deal with the negative emotions that come along with that. One great way to do this is by journalling, but make sure to keep your journal in a secure location where your parent will not find it. You can do this is a written diary, or you can type a document on the computer if you prefer. In the journal, you can write anything you want.  If you want to, you can use the journal to identify negative patterns that might help you deal with your toxic parent. Write down events that affect you, and think about how you might be able to deal with these types of events in the future. In the journal, try to write down positive things about yourself, too. If your parent is making you feel bad about yourself, it is important to give yourself reminders that you are not a bad person. You might make mistakes, but so does everyone else. Each day, try to write down one thing that you did that was good. It may seem silly, but it can have a huge impact on the way you see yourself. You can also ask friends and family members to add to this list. It can be uplifting to hear positive things about yourself from other people. Just make sure to avoid any family members who your parent may have influenced with a narrative about you because their view of you may be skewed. Toxic people are often very difficult to be around. They seem to have a talent for spreading negativity and often leave everyone feeling bad about themselves. Unfortunately, many toxic people are the way they are because they grew up around toxic people. The way your parent behaves is not your fault. You should be proud of yourself for recognizing that your parent is toxic. This gives you a chance to break the cycle because you understand that your parent’s negativity has nothing to do with you. You should also remember that the only person you can control is yourself. As a child, it isn’t your responsibility to keep your parent happy; however, you are not living in a healthy parent-child relationship. In this case, the only thing you can do is take care of your own behaviors and your reactions. Thus, it might be helpful to write down ways in which you can handle situations in your journal. Write down past reactions, too. How might you have reacted better? This is not an exercise in self-loathing, rather it is a proactive way to try to give yourself a bit more control over the situation. You could try to talk to your toxic parent about your feelings, but it may not do much good, especially if they don’t recognize their own toxicity. The next best thing you can do is to reach out to a trusted adult friend or family member who can help you deal with the situation. Reaching out to a counselor is another good option and you can provide your parent with a “safe” reason for wanting to talk with a therapist. Whoever you choose, talk to them about how your parent makes you feel, and ask if they have any advice. This is also a good idea because another adult may be able to act as a mediator between you and your parent. Having another adult present if you want to talk to your parent can be helpful because the parent is less likely to simply brush you off, saying that you are a kid and that you don’t know anything. Unfortunately, if you are under the age of 18 and living with a toxic parent, you may just have to deal with the situation as best you can. However, if you are living with a parent who is abusive in any way (emotionally, physically, or sexually), you need to leave immediately. There is no justification for abuse, and there is no reason that you should stay. Go to a friend or trusted family members house. If you have nowhere to go, try going to a neighbor’s house. If you are being abused, you should contact the authorities immediately. If you are afraid to call the police, you can also contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline by phone at 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233). You can also go to their website at http://www.thehotline.org/help/ to chat with a representative. This is completely confidential, and they can give you advice on what to do, where to go, and who to call.
Give yourself a safe space to vent. Remember that it isn’t your fault. Reach out to people you trust. Leave if necessary.