Q: There are certain key qualities that are the building blocks of trust: reliability, truth, ethical practices, being sincere, keeping promises, transparency of behaviors, and acting in support of the other person’s interests. Craft all your interactions with these in mind. Do nice things that show  you care. You are being observed. So be deliberate in your actions, and point out when you have demonstrated the aforementioned qualities. Let the other person know that you are living up to expectations.  If the betrayal has to do with lying about where you went, then be truthful and tell the person where you are going. Check in with her via text or call her to let her know you are where you said you would be. You have nothing to hide, unless you do have something to hide. If you do, then stop fooling yourself and the other person. When it comes to human behavior, changing it can be very time consuming. The degree of hurt that was inflicted by you or the other person, can affect the length of time it takes to see improvement. It varies from person to person. Wait it out because it will be worth it.  Patience is a virtue.  And a virtue is behavior that demonstrates a high standard of integrity, honor, decency, morals and respectability. If you feel frustration building inside you, take a moment before you react negatively and tell yourself, “It took me a lifetime to get me to this point; so making a change is going to take time.” Participate in activities that require patience such as, painting, assembling puzzles, or making furniture. You will understand and experience the rewards for being patient. Humans have a tendency to look for patterns in visual objects and behavior. Essentially, when you are earning someone’s trust back, you are diligently creating a pattern for the other person to observe. If she sees a consistent pattern of behaviors that are in line with her needs and wants, then trust builds.  Demonstrate consistent behaviors by showing up on time, responding to texts and phone calls in a respectable and timely fashion, and making good on promises. Avoid demonstrating a pattern of negative behavior. If those behaviors are not congruent with her needs and wants, a pattern of mistrust will build. For example, if you make promises or commitments and don’t follow through, it will deteriorate any progress you have made. Out of respect for everyone involved, don’t play dumb when it comes to taking responsibility for your behavior. During a time of scrutiny, and self-analysis, it is your time to shine and show the world that you are intelligent and in command of your behaviors. Things don’t “just happen.” They happen because you made choices that you might not be proud of, but you did participate. Being smart and learning from your mistakes is part of the human experience. You are human.  You might feel over-observed and reported upon as if you were part of a naturalistic observation experiment gone bad. You might feel under the microscope, but that’s how it’s going to be for a while until it improves. You can find a smart and creative way to stick up for yourself and your values. For example if she says something that questions your character you can say, “I know you are upset and I know I have a lot to do with that; and I hope you know that I didn’t run away from this situation because that’s not who I am. I stayed and took responsibility and I’m trying to make things better.” It might get tiring or challenging in ways you never knew, but showing up and giving 100% of your attention to the cause will move everything in the right direction. People are impressed by those who pay attention to the details, are attentive, openly communicate and follow through on their intentions.  If you and the person attend a party together, stay by her side. This will show her you want to be with her. If your friends approach and ask you to go with them tell them, “I will catch up with you later.” If the person is having trouble with a project at home, go to her and see if you can help. If she needs someone to go with her to visit someone in the hospital, or take her car in to be serviced, offer to go with her. You may feel like you’re putting the work in and things are going well. In the back of your mind you might wonder if everything will work out. This is normal and it shouldn't stop you from being optimistic about your relationship. It is realistic to entertain these doubts as long as you don’t let them drag you down.  If you are feeling down or uncertain tell yourself, “I’m going to focus on the positive. I’m going to do whatever I can to make this work out.” If you feel yourself doubting the future, distract yourself with something positive. For example, find a picture that reminds you of the great time you have with the other person. Once you have been through the experience of earning someone’s trust back, you will understand what it takes. In the event someone in your life betrays you, you will have a new level of compassion and understanding.  You are forever changed by your experience.  For example, a friend crashes your car and doesn’t pay for the damage. When he comes to you months later to apologize for the mistake, give him a second chance. If someone asks for your forgiveness after making a mistake, consider accepting it. Communicate the conditions of you acceptance to ensure the person knows that he needs to earn back your trust. If you need help changing the behaviors that continue to get you in trouble, there are psychologists and psychiatrists available in your local area and can be located through the American Psychological Association    and the American Psychiatric Association.
A: Demonstrate trustworthy behaviors. Be patient. Be consistent. Be smart. Be there. Be guardedly optimistic. Return the favor. Seek professional help.

Q: You are about to take a big risk. However close you may be, and however compatible you are as platonic friends, going from friend to boyfriend or girlfriend is a huge change in any relationship – so huge that it will be changed forever. You should therefore carefully consider whether the risk is worth it. Can you get over a rejection? Are you willing to risk harming your friendship, even ending it, for the chance at love? You, and your friend, might not want that. Try to find out if the feeling is mutual. Does your friend seem to drop verbal or physical hints that she sees you as a potential partner? Does she flirt with you? Or, does she treat you as a sibling or talk about her attraction to others? If the latter, then she may be signalling that she isn't interested in you. You may be perfectly compatible as friends. You may get along famously, spending hours together one-on-one or in larger groups of friends, laughing together, and sharing all of your thoughts. But this does not guarantee you will be compatible as lovers. Do you share the same values? Beliefs? Passions? Will you have good chemistry? If you cannot determine this, can you honestly imagine that the two of you would work as a couple? Are you sure that your feelings are more than just lust or passing fancy? Sometimes major life events push people together and cloud our judgement. Are you on the rebound? Are you lonely? Are you both dealing with personal loss, like a death in the family? If the catalyst is one of these, you may want to wait and see how you feel in one or two months. Make certain that your interest is motivated by legitimate desire, longing, or love. It may be that she doesn't see you as anything more than a friend. You have to be prepared for that possibility. You also have to understand that your relationship won't be quite the same once you've come clean with your feelings. It may be awkward, or it may end entirely. If you have decided to risk your friendship, you have to be able to accept the consequences.
A:
Consider the risks. Look for hints. Think compatibility. Be sure of your motives. Prepare for a rejection.