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Even if you are in couples counseling, it can be valuable to have counseling alone. Take a moment to focus on you. What is it that you need? What are your goals for this relationship, for your life? Evaluate how your decisions regarding this relationship will affect the rest of your life.  Counseling can help you learn to express the anger, sadness, and/or hurt you are feeling.  Learn to frame the situations in ways that you and your partner can understand what happened and what you are going through. You can learn to be patient and begin to rebuild trust. Although you might feel that you need to fix your relationship as soon as possible, it is okay to take some time out. You need to process your thoughts and figure out your action plan. Your partner should understand this especially if he or she is hoping for reconciliation.  Consider indulging in a spa day or a weekend trip with the boys. Refresh your mind. If you have children, ask if friends can babysit them so you can focus on yourself for a bit. When you are dealing with a relationship crisis, it is crucial to lean on people who you trust. You might be uncomfortable discussing the affair with your larger social group. That is fine. Instead, seek support from close friends and family.  Remaining social and connected can lower your stress levels and reduce blood pressure, heart rate, and stress hormones.  Having the support of loved ones can help you feel that you have some control over your life and actions when the current situation may cause you to feel helpless and out of control. Although it might seem peculiar to plunge into a new sport or musical activity, you might need to do so. By filling your time with a new experience, you will be less likely to ruminate on your partner's cheating. Instead, you will have to use your physical and mental energy to master your new subject. You also are likely to meet some new people who will know you as you without your partner. Avoid binge eating or using excessive alcohol or drugs. Try to maintain a balanced diet with fresh fruits, vegetables, whole grains, poultry, and fish. Aim to incorporate serotonin-rich “happy” foods into your diet like turkey, nuts, cheese, yogurt, and bananas. You might feel tempted to rehash every detail of your relationship in your head. This is unhealthy. Your partner chose to cheat. He or she is responsible – not you. Let go of the past and the things that are done. Try to live in the present and also enjoy what is going well around you. If you find yourself dwelling on your present situation, try the following:  Take a walk and try to engage your senses (sight, touch, hearing, smell). Think about what you see and what you hear. Listen for the birds or the sound of laughter. Feel the crunch of leaves underfoot. Remind yourself of how strong you are, and that you’ve handle hard times in the past and you have the skills to handle hard times in the present and future. Set aside time to worry. Give yourself twenty minutes to think about all your concerns. Then, shut your worry box and move on with your day.
Seek counseling. Give yourself time to heal. Spend time with loved ones. Start a new activity. Stay healthy. Avoid rumination.