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Don’t go into the relationship expecting immediate commitment. Instead, take your time getting to know your partner and bonding with her. Dating after spousal loss is an intimidating process, so your significant other may have reservations about taking this step in the first place. Many people date with the intention of creating a long-term relationship, widows included. Be sure to talk with your partner about what you both are looking for in a relationship. If you both want a committed, stable relationship, feel free to proceed with each other. However, if you find you want different outcomes, it may be better to part ways. To start this conversation, you could ask: “Can we talk about where we see this relationship going?” or “Can we talk about whether we're interested in having a committed relationship?” Your partner’s status as a widow does not have to define your relationship, despite its understandable impact. You can strengthen your relationship with your significant other by trying new things together. This won’t erase your partner’s memories of her deceased spouse; instead it will help her to look forward to a future with you. The two of you could go out to your favorite restaurant or pick up a new hobby together. Even small moments, such as cooking a meal together or sharing a joke, can go a long way in strengthening your bond. Dating a widow may present new and unexpected challenges for the relationship. You may start to feel uneasy hearing about your significant other’s late partner and measure yourself against them. Your partner may worry about losing you just as she lost her spouse before you. Communicate with each other about your feelings, so you can work through them together. One helpful way to start this conversation would be: “I feel uncomfortable when you compare my new haircut to how Phil wore his hair. It's important to me that you see me for myself.” Be sure to place emphasis on how a specific behavior makes you feel; this gets to the heart of the issue. Let them adjust to you at their own pace. Children may feel easily threatened by the idea of a new stepparent. They may gain the impression that you are trying to take over their late parent’s role.  Introduce yourself to them, but don’t try to join in on family activities right away. Your partner’s children will need to gradually get used to your presence. Follow your partner’s lead. She knows her children best. Talk with her about how to comfortably get to know her children and try to learn about their personalities and interests. It may be best to start off by coming over for dinner one night, or accompanying your partner and her children to one of their extracurricular activities. Participating in more casual activities will help to ease some of the tension.
Take the relationship slowly at the beginning. Ask your significant other what her expectations are for the relationship. Build new memories and traditions with your partner. Speak honestly with your significant other about each other's insecurities. Get to know your partner’s children if you decide to commit to each other.