Problem: Article: Commitment-phobia isn't a phobia like a fear of snakes or clowns — it is most often a fear based on a lack of trust, which may come from a previous violation of trust.  If you have experienced a betrayal by someone you loved or trusted, you may not have healed.  This betrayal could have come in the form of abuse, an affair, or another devastating violation of your trust, which may have been traumatic.  In addition, you may be afraid of being responsible for another person, or of losing your independence, or afraid of losing the other person, which may all relate to feeling unable to trust. You may feel that you are protecting yourself by not opening up to your partner. But consider your reasons, and whether or not they outweigh the chance to have a rich, fulfilling relationship with someone who loves you. Make sure you and your partner know each other — the good and the bad. It is common to ignore the less positive qualities of a partner, aspects like anger, jealousy, or selfishness, or a need to feel free or powerful. But these aspects are part of who you and/or your partner are, and they may surface from time to time. Make a conscious effort to explore, discuss, and be open to learning about the "shadow" side of you and your partner.  As you learn about these qualities, you and your partner will build trust not on the idea that you will never hurt each other (because, unfortunately, that will happen), but on the understanding of who you and your partner truly are.  Instead of promising to keep your "shadow" side always at bay, promise that you will be aware of and express when you are hurt. Promise to work together to address the situation and use it to strengthen your relationship. If your inability to build trust stems from a trauma, then you should seek the assistance of a mental health professional to address it. A counselor, group therapy, or a program designed to treat trauma can help you work through your experience.
Summary: Know where commitment-phobia originates. Think about what you gain from holding back from your partner. Learn to build trust with your partner. Speak with a mental health professional about your fear.

Problem: Article: Yelling tends to be counterproductive in a conflict or argument, because it stresses the other person out and activates their fight or flight response. They are likely to tune out what you are actually saying and just get upset. This is especially true of kids. Make it a goal to stop yelling completely. It may take time for you to achieve this goal, but don’t give up. If you find yourself yelling or about to yell, remind yourself of the rule and take a moment to calm down. Take note of the sensations happening in your body. This can help you identify when you are getting angry so you can take adaptive steps to deal with it. If you're the type to let things build and build until you explode, change your tactics. Set aside a set window of time to discuss problems. This should be regular and ongoing. For example, rather than blowing up at your spouse when they fail to complete chores for the third time in a week, address the issue during a nightly check-in. You may be getting angry and yelling a lot because your stress levels are too high. Take your anger as a signal that something in your life needs to change. Set aside time every day to do the things you need to do for your physical and emotional health, such as:  Eating 3 healthy and nutritious meals a day. Getting enough sleep (7-9 hours a night). Taking at least a little time to yourself to unwind and do things you enjoy. If you’re having a really hard time with yelling and other angry behaviors, you might benefit from a class that teaches healthy coping techniques. Think about your behaviors and how others react to you. Ask your therapist or doctor to recommend an anger management program if you feel you need one. You might need a class if:  You find yourself getting angry often. Other people tell you that you yell a lot. You feel like other people won’t understand you unless you yell at them.
Summary: Set a rule for yourself not to yell, ever. Learn to spot anger cues. Address issues immediately instead of letting them pile up. Practice self-care to reduce your stress levels. Evaluate if you need anger management or communication classes.

Problem: Article: Place the adzuki beans in a medium saucepan or glass bowl and fill the dish with water. Let the beans soak at room temperature overnight. In many applications, it is not essential to soak adzuki beans. For bean paste, however, you should soak the beans to soften them and to remove water-soluble elements that can cause digestive upset. Drain the beans by pouring the contents of the saucepan through a colander. Rinse several times under running water and add them back to the saucepan along with fresh, cool water.  Rinsing the beans after soaking them will help clean off any dirt or water-soluble fibers still clinging to the outer skins. Make sure that there is at least 1 to 2 inches (2.5 to 5 cm) of water above the beans when you return them to the saucepan. Keep in mind that the beans will roughly double in size by the end of the cooking process, so make sure that the saucepan is big enough to contain them. Transfer the saucepan to the stove and turn the heat on high. Let the beans come to a boil, uncovered. Turn off the heat after the water begins to boil. Cover the saucepan and let the beans sit for 5 minutes on the stove with the heat off. Pour the contents of the saucepan through your colander again to drain off this initial bit of cooking liquid. There is no need to rinse the beans this time. Return the adzuki beans to the saucepan and pour just enough water into the pan to cover the beans. Turn the heat on high and let it reach a boil. After the water reaches a boil, turn the heat down to medium-low and let the beans continue to cook at a simmer. You will need to do this for 60 to 90 minutes.  Keep the beans uncovered as they cook. Periodically use a slotted spoon to push the beans floating on the top underneath the surface of the water. Add water as needed throughout the cooking process. The water will evaporate, and as a result, the water level will decrease as the beans continue to cook. You need to have enough water to cover the beans. On the other hand, adding too much water can cause the beans to move around too violently and break apart. To test the beans for doneness, pick up one bean and squeeze it with your fingers. You should be able to mash it with your fingers very easily. Add the sugar in three separate batches, stirring after each addition. Turn the heat up to high and cook until the beans reach a paste-like consistency.  Stir the beans constantly after adding the sugar. Let the beans continue cooking on high heat even after they reach a boil. Turn off the heat with the paste reaches the right consistency, but do not remove the saucepan from the stove yet. After the sweet adzuki bean paste cools slightly, sprinkle the salt in and give the mixture a final mixing with a wooden or plastic mixing spoon.  The paste should still be warm, but not so warm that it is burning-hot to the touch. The consistency should thicken further and become more solid as the bean paste cools. Pour or spoon the bean paste into a separate container. Cover loosely and let it cool to room temperature on the counter. Do not leave the anko (bean paste) in the pot as it finishes cooling. You can use your finished sweet adzuki bean paste in your favorite Asian desserts and snacks, including mochi, anpan, daifuku, dango, dorayaki, manju, taiyaki, mooncakes, and chalboribbang. Any bean paste that is not used immediately should be kept in an airtight container and placed in a refrigerator for up to a week or a freezer for up to a month.
Summary:
Soak the beans. Rinse and replace the water. Boil the water. Drain and replace the water again. Bring to a boil. Simmer until very tender. Add sugar and mix. Add salt. Transfer to a separate container and finish cooling. Use or store as needed.