Summarize the following:
It’s important to let him know you’d like to have an important discussion, otherwise he may get defensive and upset with the abrupt ambush. This will give him some time to reflect on your relationship and prepare for a thoughtful conversation. By planning to talk, you also have time to calm down, gather your thoughts, and figure out how you will address him. It is crucial to enter the conversation calmly and with a level head. Even if you feel hurt or angry, the conversation will not be productive if you spend it crying and cursing at him. Be blunt, but do not attack him. Don’t minimize how you’ve felt, or sweep any of your feelings under the rug. Your emotions are valid, and you shouldn’t shy away from expressing yourself just because it may be uncomfortable. By laying your feelings out on the table, you allow him to give an explanation, to comfort you, to ‘fess up, or to improve his behavior. Start your sentences with "I" instead of "you" so he doesn't think you are attacking him. Saying something like, "I feel sad when we only spend time together at night" will sound better to your boyfriend than, "You only call at night and I hate it." Even if you are absolutely certain that your fears are warranted and he has been using you, it will give you closure if you let him explain himself. Avoid interrupting him, as this will only increase the tension of the situation. If you disagree with something he is saying, wait until he is finished speaking to address it. By giving him the floor, you can analyze his reaction after you've placed your concerns on the table. Is he remorseful and apologetic, or defensive and rude? Remember, your feelings are valid. Even if your boyfriend believes he has done nothing wrong, don't let him make you feel guilty for feeling the way you do. Once you’ve addressed what has been on your mind and your boyfriend has heard how you’ve been feeling, decide how you’ll proceed. If he doesn’t offer an explanation and apology that provides comfort and optimism about the future of your relationship, perhaps it’s time to end the relationship. If you plan on staying with your boyfriend and are satisfied that he is in it for the right reasons, make sure that you create a plan with him. If your feelings are being hurt and you’ve felt like you’re giving more than you’re getting, you need to figure out how to correct these issues. Otherwise, you’ll end up back in the exact same situation. By recognizing things that make you uneasy, standing your ground, confronting the situation, and moving on, you will gain invaluable information. You recognize what you will and will not accept in these situations, develop your strategies for how to handle conflict, and hone your conflict resolution skills. It is painful to be used, but it gives you the opportunity to demand respect and better treatment in the future.
Plan a time to talk, and approach the situation calmly. Lay out your concerns. Let your boyfriend talk. Decide how you will move forward, either as a couple or alone. Remember what you learned, and use it.