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In order to move beyond the conflict, you and your friend need to discuss the issue. Ask your friend to meet with you—invite your friend to coffee, dinner, or a walk on the beach. Your proactiveness will show that you care about repairing the relationship. Insist that the conversation takes place face-to-face—if you and your friend can see each other’s facial expressions and body language, there is less room for misinterpretations.  If your friend is not ready to meet, don’t push the issue. Give them a few more days to cool off and then ask again.  Decline any offers to talk about your fight over the phone or social media platforms. When you and your friend meet, both of you may be experiencing very raw emotions. Your demeanor will set the tone for the entire discussion. Don’t let your negative emotions take control over of the situation—yelling, aggression, and defensive behavior will only derail the reconciliation.  When you feel yourself getting mad, stop talking and take several deep breaths. Count to ten or repeat a mantra, like “I am calm, cool, and collected."  If you feel yourself getting too heated, excuse yourself for a moment and return when you feel calm.  Think about why you're feeling this way. Was it a simple misunderstanding? How much control do you have over this? Use this time to gather and organize your thoughts—identify the source of your anger so that you can clearly articulate what you are upset about. When you meet with your friend, do not make excuses or place the blame on them. Instead, accept responsibility for your role in the conflict. Focus on expressing yourself calmly and rationally.  Use “I statements” to identify and take ownership of your feelings.  Be as specific as possible. “I felt angry when you left me at the party.” Avoid the words “ought” and “should,” as well as the phrases, “I feel like___” and “I feel that__.” These transform I-statements into You-statements. Avoid yelling. After you have expressed yourself, allow your friend to share their emotions with you. It may be hard for you to hear what they say, but try not to interrupt. It is important that they feel heard and valued. Sit quietly and actively listen to what they are saying.  When your friend is talking, put away all distractions, such as your phone or computer. Maintain eye contact with your friend. Lean forwards and tilt your head slightly to demonstrate that you are engaged. Mirror your friend’s body language. After actively listening to your friend, set aside your point of view and desire to be right and empathize with them. Explaining the conflict from your friend’s perspective assure them that you were in fact listening. It also demonstrates that you are prepared to accept responsibility for your actions and prepared to move forward.  ”I can see how my actions made you feel ____.” ”I didn’t realize I hurt you by ____.” Avoid the word “but.” This word indicates that you did not actually see the issue from your friend’s perspective. Instead, replace “but” with “and.”
Find a time to meet with your friend. Remain calm throughout the discussion. Explain your feelings and actions. Allow your friend to openly share their feelings. Acknowledge that you heard and understand your friend’s perspective.