Be yourself, improve yourself where you can, and accept aspects of yourself that you can’t change. Don’t try to change who you are just to please others.  Make a list of all the things that you like about yourself and another of things you’d like to improve. You can ask friends and family to help you build your list, since they may think of things you might not. Think of specific steps you can take to improve, for example: “Sometimes I overreact and snap at other people. Every time someone makes a statement, I should pause before responding and think about what to say before saying it.” Keep this list somewhere you will see it often, such as on your mirror or closet door. Read over it at least once every day. Accept things about yourself that you can’t change. For example, you might wish you were taller, but that's not something you can change. Instead of focusing on why you wish you were tall, try to think of little things that are nice about being shorter, like the fact that you’ll bump your head less. Try to think of things about yourself that other people would likely envy and want to replicate. Try not to focus on failing, embarrassment, or on what other people will think if you do something wrong. If you find yourself reliving embarrassing moments, consciously redirect yourself to something you have accomplished instead. Break down goals into small pieces, and visualize yourself succeeding at each step.  For example, if you want to be more confident when having conversations, break the goal into small parts: maintain eye contact, listen to the other person, nod when they make a point, ask them questions, and offer honest responses based on your own experiences. If an outcome doesn’t turn out according to plan, try to learn from it instead of getting embarrassed. Write down what you would do differently next time to help solidify what you have learned. Remember that everything is a learning process and that no one is great at everything, especially on the first attempt. Try not to assume that everyone is judging every little thing you do. Before getting lost in a cycle of self-doubt, remind yourself that anyone worth your time has more to worry about than criticizing your every thought and action. Also, remind yourself that mistakes serve a purpose and are a necessary part of growth.   Do your best to notice when you start to overthink or second guess yourself. Tell yourself, “Stop over-analyzing. Calm down and don’t worry.” Self-reflection and learning from your mistakes are good things, provided you focus on positive growth instead of negative overthinking. Keep a balanced perspective and don’t view a negative judgment as a permanent, absolute fact. If you think there’s some truth in their judgment, use it as an opportunity to improve instead of letting it define you. For example, suppose someone says that you have a bad temper. If you’ve barely interacted with them and they don’t know you at all, brush off their judgment. However, if they’re a classmate or coworker who spends a lot of time with you, consider why they think you have a temper. Work on developing strategies for keeping your cool, like counting while slowly breathing when you start feeling angry. How a person expresses an opinion of you can let you know whether you should brush it off or take it to heart. Ask yourself, “Does this person have my best interests in mind? Is this something I can work on to become a better person, or is it just a petty judgment that’s meant to insult me?”  For example, your good friend might say, “You seem to be disconnected lately - you don’t seem like yourself.” That’s a judgment you’d want to take to heart. On the other hand, you’d want to just brush it off if someone you don’t know well says, “You never pay attention - you’re so dumb!” Also, remember that petty judgements are usually meant to make the person feel better about themselves and not to hurt you. Consider if you can find some empathy for the person and their self-esteem issues.

Summary: Accept yourself for who you are. Visualize successful outcomes instead of fearing embarrassment. Avoid second guessing every step you take. Don’t let someone’s negative judgment define who you are. Consider if a person judging you has good intentions.


This works great for vintage or antique items when you are not sure an item is worth the price listed. Go to Google or eBay and see what it would retail for elsewhere. Many stores have weekly "tag sales," where items with a certain color tag go on sale.  Other stores have clearance racks or do periodic sales to clear out inventory.  Some larger volume stores even do bag sales and sales by the pound for items like clothes and linens.  Don't be afraid to haggle. Did you just miss a sale on a large item purchase? Are you making multiple purchases and want to round off the total? Don't be afraid to ask for reasonable accommodation, especially if you are a regular customer. Don't believe the "SOLD" sign. Sometimes the item is already paid for; however, often people say they will come back for something then find something else they like better at a different store.  If you see something you love with a sold sign, talk to an employee and/or manager.  It's possible the item has been sitting like that for days and no one remembered to remove the sign. Ask for a discount. Does the item in question have a few flaws that are worth a discount? Is the store running a sale that day?  If you are buying sale items, often employees can extend the sale to the rest of the items in your purchase. Some stores also have senior discounts. Some types show up in thrift shops looking kind worn out or dated.  Other items are donated regularly and you'd never know they were used or second-hand.  Look particularly for the items below:  Belts: Accessories like belts are one of the first items to get decommissioned from a wardrobe when styles change. An advantage to belts is that, with a little creativity, the buckles can be replaced and a strip of plain leather doesn't really go out of style. Shoes: Decent leather shoes command steep prices in most retail stores, so when you can pick up gently used ones at a thrift store for 90% less, it's a significant savings for your budget.  Plus with a little oil and polish, they can look brand new.   Furniture: Sometimes retail stores will donate last season's merchandise to area thrift stores for tax purposes.  In addition, vintage furniture can be recovered, repainted, or reupholstered with new fabric to look like a chic DIY dream.  Jeans: New branded jeans can run from $50 to upwards of $200 dollars while shopping for next-to-new, second-hand jeans usually means paying $10-25 a pair.  Especially after Christmas, it's easy to find them with tags still intact. The people who work in thrift stores are a wealth of information.  Things to ask about are:  What days do shipments arrive? Employees can tell you what days they get new items in and when things go on sale. Who are they partnered with? They can tell you whether their store has a donation program with a larger retail store where they take possession of clearance items from a prior season. Have you seen a particular item?  If you are a regular customer and make donations, thrift stores will often let you know via phone or email when a specific item you are looking for comes in. Two pairs of eyes is always better than one. Not only is it more fun to thrift with a friend, they can also help provide important feedback and recommendations—and you can do the same for them! It's a win-win situation.
Summary: Use your smartphone. Shop for sales. Look for "best value" items. Talk to thrift store employees. Bring a friend.