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Even if you’ve raised 15 children successfully and feel like you know everything there is to know about parenting, you’re going to have to seal your lips unless you’re asked for advice. Your child and his or her spouse may have some different ideas about how to raise children, and they may not want to hear every little thing you have to say about the subject. Of course, they may call upon your expertise, but you shouldn’t assume that you’re going to tell them how to do every last thing, from how to change a diaper to how to help their child grow into a responsible adult. If you give the parents too much advice, they may pull back from you, leading to a more tense relationship between you and your grandchild. To succeed as a grandparent, you should accept the fact that you are the grandparent, not the parent in the child’s life. Your role is to spend time with your grandchild, give advice and help to the parents when it’s needed, and to be there for the new addition to your family. The sooner you accept that you are not the grandchild’s mother, the sooner you can be on to enjoying your own unique relationship. You shouldn’t focus on disciplining your grandchild and teaching him or her how to be an adult. Focus more on giving love, care, and support. You may think that you should drop everything as soon as your grandson or granddaughter arrives, but the best thing you can do is to maintain your own life while helping out the parents of the grandchild as much as you can. You want to continue having your own friends, your own social commitments, and your own hobbies if you want to succeed as a grandparent. If you drop absolutely everything to be with your grandchild, then you will be putting too much pressure on the parents. Find a way to fit spending time with your grandchildren into your schedule without making your schedule entirely revolve around your grandchildren and the whims of their parents. Of course, there may be times when they need some last-minute help, but you shouldn’t leave your schedule wide open just in case that happens. One thing you can definitely do when there’s a new addition to your family, or even when your grandchild gets older, is to help the parents out around the house when you can. You can wash dishes, pick up groceries, occasionally cook meals, or run small errands for the father or the mother when you have time. Though you shouldn’t have to turn into their housekeeper when they have a child, helping out around the house in little ways when you have the time can make a big difference. This can be especially helpful when your grandchild is just born and the parents are overwhelmed by their parenting duties. Sometimes, the thing that your child’s parents will need the most is some time alone together. While being around during family activities, celebrations, or trips can give them a helping hand, you can also find some time to be alone with your grandchild or grandchildren so that their parents can have some time to go out to dinner together or just to relax without their usual responsibilities for a little while. This can help relieve stress and to keep the parents’ relationship strong. Give mom and dad at least one or two date nights a month. They may deny that they really need this time together, but you should stress that it’s important for them to spend time together away from their child.
Don’t give advice unless it is solicited. Accept your role in your grandchild’s life. Maintain your own life. Help the parents out around the house. Give your grandchild’s parents time to bond.