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Don't be in a hurry to start dating once you have lost your spouse. You have spent many years with this person, and whether your relationship was happy or not, you should fully grieve before moving on. Remember, there is no right or wrong way to grieve, and there is no exact time when grieving ends. If you are unable to discuss your spouse without an extreme emotional display, you may need to wait longer before getting back in the dating game. In the meantime, take good care of yourself by eating well, getting physical activity, and avoiding behaviors that jeopardize health, such as drinking or using drugs. Join a grief support group or see a counselor. Yes, you will have to move on and live a life without your loved one. But, you don’t necessarily have to “get over” the loss. “Getting over” a death implies that you will somehow return to normal at some point. Considering how closely interconnected your life was with your spouse’s, returning to normal is impossible. What you want to strive for is acceptance. Learn how to integrate the loss into a new identity in which you plan for a future without your beloved. It can help to fill your social calendar with new and exciting activities, such as checking out books from the library, getting a part-time job if you are retired, taking up a new hobby, participating in group fitness classes, or adopting a pet. The object of dating is not to replace your spouse. You may long for someone just like your previous love, but having such a desire will only lead to disappointment. Think about what qualities you would like to find in a new partner. Be realistic – having a laundry list of desired traits will make it hard for you to find a match. For example, consider some things you would like to do, such as traveling, and look for a partner who shares that same passion. It’s common for widow(er)s to feel a sense of guilt for wanting get back out on the market. You believe it is a betrayal of your spouse to smile at a new man or enjoy coffee with a new woman. You must release these feelings and recognize that you are, indeed, single. Your spouse would want you to enjoy the remainder of your life as you see fit.
Take your time. Don’t believe you have to let go. Figure out what you want. Release guilt.