Summarize:

. Relationships rarely end suddenly and with no forewarning, even if you missed it at the time. Try to remember anything your ex has said or done that might have indicated they were unhappy. This might be things like:  Complaining that you are away too much, or don't pay attention to them enough Doubting you when you tell them something, such as where you were, or why you did something. Saying that they feel like you never give them time alone (healthy relationships need to give each person room to breathe and be on their own sometimes) Saying that they wanted something you aren't giving them Complaining that you never help out around the house Crying is a natural part of working through difficult emotions, but even if you're angry, it's important to stay calm. Yelling at the other person isn't likely to make them want to get back together with you. If you're having difficulty keeping your cool, here are some good things to try:  Take a break. You can simply tell the other person something like "My emotions are taking over, can we take a break so that I can calm down and say what I actually mean?" Sleep on it. Before starting a conversation with your ex, take 24 hours to make sure that you actually want to say what you're planing to tell them. Consider how they might react, and consider how  you would react if they told you something similar. Take deep, calming breaths or visualize yourself in a relaxing place.  Write a letter(or email), then wait a day before sending it. It can be really helpful to write things down because then you have time to think about what you said before the other person hears it, and you can't accidentally change or forget what you planned to say at the last minute. If you don't know what you did wrong, and can't figure it out, then ask. Even if you do know something you did that upset your partner, ask if there's anything else you can do to make things better. Some examples are:  "Can you help me understand why you were angry?" "What can I do to make our relationship stronger." "Is there anything you want me to do more of?" "What are the things that really bother you about how I act?" "Is there anything you need from me that I'm not doing?" If you have figured out what you think the source of the break-up was, tell your ex that you're really sorry about what happened. Even if you don't know what went wrong, apologize for something like 'whatever I did'. Take full responsibility for the mistake, and explain why you haven't done anything about it before. Some good things to say might be:  "I'm really sorry I didn't notice that you wanted ___________" "I don't know why you left me, but I'm really sorry for whatever I did. Can you help me figure out what it was so that I can fix it?" "I know I really screwed up when I did___________, but losing you has helped me see how much more important you are than _________. I'm really sorry I ______ and I will never be tempted to do it again." "I know I haven't been as good about ________ as you asked me to me, but I didn't realize it was this important to you, and I'm really sorry I misunderstood what it meant to you. I promise to make it my first priority from now on." "I know I'm away a lot right now for ___________, and I hate it too, but this is a temporary problem, and once I finish it things will be better for both of us. It's just as hard for me as it is for you and I'm really sorry it has to be this way. Is there anything I can do to help you get through this tough patch with me?" After you apologize, it's important to make good with more than words. Whatever problem you found from thinking back and asking about, now's the time to fix it. If you still don't understand exactly what you need to do, more questions are always a good way to straighten this out. Some examples are:  If they complained that you weren't around enough, make more time for the relationship. Try going out for dinner together, or cooking a meal together at home regularly one night a week (or more often!) Give up other things you do to show that you care more about the relationship and your partner. If they said that they didn't feel appreciated enough, try saying thank you (and meaning it!) more often, and picking up any tasks you can to make their life easier. If you cheated on them, make sure that they have no reason to question where you are all the time. You need to show that they can trust you. Come home when you say you will, and when you are out with a friend, offer to let them talk to the friend to prove that you are with who you say you are. If they have complained that you never do anything, get out and have hobbies! Some other ideas are to take some classes and gain some skills (whether they can make you money or not) This is especially effective if both of you have issues with the other one that led to the break-up. Discuss what the problems are (making a list can help) and then agree to a compromise that has you both making equal sacrifices for the health of the relationship. Remember to take into consideration that some things may be more important to one person than the other, and compensate according to how much it matters to you, or how difficult it is for you. For example, if being on time is really important for one of you, and the other one doesn't care about being late (and often is), then a fair compromise could be that when you're getting ready to go somewhere together, the person who doesn't mind being late allows the person who wants to be on time help arrange their schedule so that they can be on time.
Think back Don't get angry. Ask questions. Apologize and admit responsibility. Change what they complained about. Try to find a compromise.