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No person is ever perfect, but as the U.S. author John Steinbeck once said “Now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good.” Remind yourself that even Olympic gold medalists get points off on their scores (but still win).  That Albert Einstein made (but learned from) his mistakes and imperfect solutions.  Never let “perfect” undermine your self-esteem and become the enemy of all the excellent, worthwhile (but unfortunately imperfect) things you are capable of.  Striving for absolute “perfection” can be counterproductive, because it can diminish an accomplishment or task completion just because it is not flawless success.   Perfectionism is also closely linked to depression, troubled relationships, and decreased life satisfaction. If you are unsure whether something you wish to do will upset your parents, ask first. If you are hesitant to ask, it is probably a good sign that it will upset your parents.  When asking, always ensure you've thought through the possible outcomes of what you are asking to do and anticipate the concerns your parents will have. Don't get upset.  Although your parents may seem resistant to your suggestion, remember to stay cool-headed and present facts and examples that illustrate why you should do something and why you are capable of handling any outcomes. Especially if you are still living at home, if your parents say "no," always honor their wishes, even if it is not what you would prefer. When you have promised parents you will do something, but wait until you have to be told again (and again), it can create negative tensions.  Set expectations early.  Say “Mom, I have [x, y and z] to finish before I’ll have time, but as soon as I am free, I will take care of this,” then complete all tasks before having to be asked additional times. Anticipate needs and fill them. Do you know what days garbage runs on? Are guest expected over the weekend?  Take out the garbage, clean your room and other rooms in the house, all without being asked. You may not initially agree with what your parents are saying, but remind yourself that they have your best interests at heart.  They have seen more of life than you have and may have insights that you are too young to have access to. Trust that they are looking out for you and don’t back talk. Back talk creates arguments and can be counterproductive to establishing yourself as respectful and trustworthy. Demonstrate respect for yourself by caring for your body’s needs and maintaining a healthy appearance. Your parents love you and it reassures them to see you healthy and well-cared for.  Keep up with hygiene and cleanliness. Try to take a bath or shower daily.  At the very least, wipe off sweat and grime with a soapy wash cloth.  Wash hair every 1-3 days.  Wear clean clothes and comb your hair. Iron clothes that need ironing.  Wear a belt with pants, especially loose ones. Style hair to keep it out of your face. Eat regular, healthy meals. Three meals a day is traditionally recommended; however, nutritionists have indicated that 5-6 smaller meals spread over the day can actually be healthier for us and maintain a more even blood sugar.  Regardless of which meal plan you choose, make sure you are eating enough to be healthy.  Go to bed at a reasonable hour. Teens between the ages of 14 to 17 need 8-10 hours of sleep a night.  Anyone over the age of 18 needs at somewhere between 7-9 hours. Although we often want to show our parents how successful and capable we are, there are times when we may need help to reach our desired goals.  Don’t be too proud or egotistical to accept help from your parents, even in the form of advice. When you do take help, be humble and show gratitude for the contributions your parents make. When we are young, the world is ours and we can let our ambitions guide what happens.  But think about how difficult it can be for parents to adjust to rapid changes that we take for granted.  When you get married, get a job, move to a new place, it can remind them of their own mortality, or make them lonely for the days when you were just down the hall. Help parents adjust to your own evolution.  Take time to talk with them and let them ask questions.  Help them understand, but don’t be angry if they can’t always do it.  Remind them that acceptance and trust are just as powerful as understanding. Being true to you means that you are confident, happy, learning, and growing.  Nothing makes a parent more content than seeing their child coming into their own and being successful. When you are true to you, you are actualizing the person your parents raised you to be. Sometimes, however, being true to you will initially create tension with parents.  For example, if you parents want you to attend church with them, but you are not religious, let them know that you wish not to go. If you still have to attend their church, consider how you can still be true to your values during the experience. Resources like the Skeptics Bible offer some great conversation starters to get people thinking about the contradictions and inconsistencies within religious scriptures.  Are you worried about coming out to your parents? While your sexuality is an important part of who you are and should be celebrated, if you are living at home with your parents, you may not want to share this part of yourself at that time. If you are living away from home and worried about talking to your parents about your sexual orientation, consider speaking to a therapist about the best "coming out" options for your circumstances. Parents want more than anything from their daughter is that she grows up to have a safe and happy life.  Part of having that life, however, is that your parents want to be a part of it and offer assistance that will help secure that happiness.  They also want to share in your relationships, help raise possible grandchildren, and enjoy watching their family grow. Take the advantages, kindness, support, and generosity you’ve been shown by your parents and offer it to others.  That could be your own children, your spouse, friends, and other family members.  Volunteer to be a “Big Sister,” who offers support and life guidance to at-risk young women.  When you use what you’ve been given you help others, you show respect and gratitude for the upbringing your parents gave you.
Be realistic. Always ask first. Honor your responsibilities. Be respectful. Take care of yourself. Take help. Be patient with your parents. Be true to you. Have a happy life. Pay it forward.