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Holding back positive, loving emotions prevents us from loving as much as we could and should.  Sometimes in order to love as well as possible, we need to step out of our comfort zones.  For instance, if your partner really feels loved when you hold his or her hand when walking around town, but you think holding hands is childish, try to change this belief and behavior within yourself.  Showing that you love someone in new ways can deepen the relationship and allow you to be more loving. If you make the relationship all about you, it will be hard to know how to be more loving of your partner.  Ask your partner each day after work or school how they’re feeling and how their day has been.  Show your concern and listen to what they have to say.  Ask relevant follow-up questions when they share interesting details with you. Everyone has different ideas about what actions demonstrate love.  Ask your partner about what kinds of behavior they consider loving.  For instance, perhaps your partner thinks holding the door open for him/her is loving, or feels really loved and close to you when you give them back rubs.  Instead of just assuming that fixing your partner’s computer for them will demonstrate that you love them, ask them directly about what actions they consider loving. Many couples like to call each other “honey,” “sweetie,” or some equally cute term of endearment.  You could even use an inside joke to give your partner a silly pet name that only they will understand. Showing support to your partner is obvious and important during times of crisis, such as when his or her parents pass away, or when they crash their car.  However, you can also be more loving toward your partner by demonstrating some simple everyday forms of support.  When you partner wants to try a new sport, for instance, you should not make fun of them or criticize their effort to expand their horizons.  That would not be a loving act.  Instead, encourage them to pursue their interests as long as they remain, safe, healthy, and happy. You can also offer emotional support your partner when your partner is having a bad day.  Sometimes, showing you support your partner is as simple as listening to what they have to say and telling them you’re concerned about their plight.
Give your relationship your best shot. Stay attentive to your partner’s wants and needs. Do little things your partner likes. Use pet names with your partner. Support your partner.