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Try to pick a time when they are in a good mood. If you start a conversation like this when they are already angry, it will not go well for you. If necessary, ask your to schedule a time. It is important to be open and honest. Tell you parents clearly what you want to talk to them about by making an observation about their behavior that bothers you. For example: "Mom and Dad, I've noticed you make disparaging comments whenever I talk about my college plans." You need to provide examples of their behavior that hurts your feelings so that your parents can’t dismiss your observations right off the bat. You can refer to the list you made of instances when they behaved negatively toward you if you find it helpful. Say: "For example, you told me I shouldn't join the science club because you think I'm bad at Biology." It is important not to make this conversation all about placing the blame on your parents. You need to take responsibility for your part, but also tell them about your feelings. Explain why you're hurt because your parents may not be aware of how their behavior affects you. Discuss your feelings, but don’t get overly emotional.  Use "I feel..." statements. For example: "I feel hurt and devalued when you compare me to Cousin Jimmy. I feel like you're saying my hard efforts are no good." Defend yourself. Say: "I'm confused when you scold me for making a mess. I always pick up after myself, and my room is organized." Ask why the parent is doing the behavior. They may have a misguided idea, and think they're doing the right thing. Ask nicely, and if possible, provide an alternative. Tell your parents how it makes you feel and that you would like for them to try to stop making you feel that way. Give them an alternative solution to their current behavior. For example: "I would like you to stop blaming me for the behavior of my little brother. I'd rather you address his problem with talking back rather than claim that I'm setting a bad example when I'm clearly polite." Sometimes it is hard for people to hear that they are making mistakes or hurting someone else – especially for a parent to hear that from their child. If your parents get upset, make excuses, or become defensive with you when you try to talk to them, be sure to remain calm. Let them say what they want to say, but remind them that this conversation is about how their actions make you feel. It may take your parents a little bit of time to process this new information about how their behavior makes you feel. You’ve been thinking about it for a long time, but it might come as a sudden shock to them. Give them some time to adjust and figure out how to change their behavior on their own. If your parents refuse to acknowledge the problem or change their negative behavior, it might be time to seek outside advice. Ask your parents to attend a counseling session with you or talk to the pastor at your church together. Sometimes having another adult to listen objectively can really help solve the problems.
Sit down with your parents when you have their full attention. Start the conversation with an observation. Give examples of specific exchanges. Talk about your feelings. Ask your parents to stop. Stay calm if your parents get defensive. Be patient. Get outside help.