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An ectopic pregnancy is a physically and emotionally taxing experience. There are several reasons why you might feel angry, worried, or sad. You should know that these feelings are natural, and there is nothing “wrong” with you. There is no “right” or “wrong” way to feel.  Your body’s hormonal balance has been in flux. This can lead to depressive symptoms. It can also cause symptoms such as palpitations, agitation, and dizziness.  Even though your body cannot carry an ectopic pregnancy to term, it can be devastating to learn that your pregnancy must be terminated. You may be worried about your health and your ability to have another pregnancy. You may blame yourself or feel guilty. You should know that ectopic pregnancies are not your fault.  Recovering from a major surgery can put further strain on your emotions. Your hospital or community clinic may be able to refer you to counselors with special training in pregnancy-related issues. Losing a pregnancy and having major surgery are both experiences that you may find helpful to discuss with a mental health professional.  You may also wish to involve your partner in counseling. Some people may have difficulty expressing their feelings, and going to counseling together may help both of you work through this difficult time.  It is a common myth that men do not grieve the loss of a pregnancy. However, research suggests this is not true. Men may express their grief differently than women, but they may also experience anger or depression after their partners lose a pregnancy. There is nothing that says you have to talk if you don’t want to. However, you may find that it helps to get support from those close to you. Find friends or family members that aren't afraid to acknowledge your loss and provide the support you need to work through this difficult time. One of the most important elements that helps recovery is not feeling alone. You may find that a support group where you can talk with others who have had similar experiences will help you process your feelings.  In the United States, RESOLVE, the National Infertility Association, has support groups across the country. You can find a listing at their website.  SHARE Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support also has local support groups in the US. You can find a support group in your area on their website.  In the UK, the Ectopic Pregnancy Trust and the Miscarriage Association both offer resources and counseling for women who have lost pregnancies.  You may find that online support forums also provide a space for you to talk about your feelings. The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust maintains online forums overseen by medical professionals where you can discuss your experience and share your feelings. Some women find that doing something special for themselves helps them deal with the difficult days after an ectopic pregnancy. A trip to the spa or similar outing may alleviate the sadness and provide welcome pampering. You may just wish to sit on the couch and watch your favorite movies. Give yourself the love you need. Do not feel guilty about treating yourself with kindness. Ectopic pregnancy can be physically and emotionally exhausting, and you need time to recover. Exercise after recovery is complete can be an effective way to minimize sadness and regain lost energy. Physical activity releases feel-good hormones called endorphins into the body, which are a natural mood-booster. Ask your doctor when you can begin an exercise regimen. Do not do anything high-impact or vigorous without consulting with your doctor. Your doctor will tell you when your body is physically ready and advise you about potential risk for another ectopic pregnancy. Some risk factors include smoking, endometriosis, pelvic inflammatory disease and a previous ectopic pregnancy. Those at risk will be closely monitored during a subsequent pregnancy, in order to catch potential problems and treat them early. Consider seeing a reproductive endocrinologist, who is an ob/gyn with subspecialty training in fertility treatment. You will need evaluation of the fallopian tubes, for example, and this kind of doctor is the best person to provide that. You can find a board certified REI at www.srei.org.
Understand that your feelings are natural. Ask your doctor about counseling. Talk with friends or family. Find a support group. Treat yourself with kindness. Get exercise once it is safe to do so. Talk to your doctor before trying to get pregnant again after ectopic pregnancy.