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Before you decide to confront your neighbors about their noise levels, you should try your best to assess their situation, particularly if this noise problem is a new issue. Consider the following sorts of questions, the answers to which might affect whether you decide to talk to them or how you decide to talk to them:  Do they have a new baby? If they do, they are surely aware that their infant is wailing and are trying to calm him or her. Indeed, they are most likely more stressed out about the baby's crying than you are. Consider giving it a little bit of time to let the new parents and baby settle into a routine before you decide to talk to them. Do they work nights? If so, there may be no way around them making noise while getting ready for work (showering, going down the stairs, starting their car, etc.) or coming home from their shift. Of course, if they are excessively loud (blasting music while they shower, for example), you may want to talk to them. On the other hand, if the noises they are making are what you would reasonably expect from anyone getting ready for their day, you won't have much of a case. Is their pet a new adoption who hasn't yet had time to adapt to its new home? If so, your neighbors and their pet may just be going through an adjustment period. You may want to consider waiting for a while to see if they manage to get their new pet settled and find strategies for dealing with its noise. You are aiming for the best possible outcome, where your neighbor is receptive and sympathetic to your complaint. Thus, choosing the appropriate time and place to talk things over with them is important.  Ideally, you will be able to talk to your neighbor when they are not being noisy or disruptive, especially if the problem occurs in the middle of the night (when no one is at their best) or if you are angry while the noise is going on. Try to pick a time when you are rested and calm, and also when you have reason to believe that your neighbor is similarly rested and won't feel ambushed. Of course, if the noise is unbearable, you may not be able to wait, in which case we give you advice on how to confront them at these times in subsequent steps. In order to avoid putting your neighbor on the defensive, you should try not to surprise them at an inopportune time or place. It's best to avoid confrontations when it's clear that your neighbor is not prepared for a discussion, and it's even better if you can alert them to your need to talk and arrange for a time that works for both of you.  For example, it's not a good time to confront when your neighbor when she has just gotten home a twelve hour shift, or when she is clearly struggling to get all her kids off to school. Rather than demanding that she give you her attention right then and there, you can try something like the following, after you see that she's got everyone buckled in: “Hey Kathy, I see that you're busy right now, but are you free for a short chat later this afternoon? I'd like to talk about some noise issues that I'm sure we'll be able to work out together.” There may come a time when you have to become more assertive if your neighbors do nothing to reduce their noise, but you don't want to be hostile when you confront them initially. Your neighbors are far more likely to be receptive if you approach them politely and calmly.  Instead of banging on their door angrily, or having the first words out of your mouth be “Your d*%$ kids have been keeping me up all night!”, try easing into the conversation by asking them how everything has been going for them lately. If there is any way for you to compliment them or generally find a way to demonstrate your friendliness and willingness to work with them, then do so. For example, you may be there to talk to them about how their new dog barks while they are out of the house. So long as you aren't allergic and the dog is otherwise well-behaved, give the pup a good pet and compliment the owners on how beautiful she is. You can then lead into your issue: “Spot is gorgeous and clearly attached to you already. I think that may be related to why I'm here: you may not know it, but when you're out of the house, Spot barks and cries almost continually. I think this may be because she's dealing with separation anxiety. I was hoping we could come up with a plan to address that today.” If you can find ways to make your neighbor be sympathetic towards you, it is more likely that they will take your complaints seriously and commit to reducing their noise levels for your benefit.  Once you've explained to your neighbor what activity or behavior of theirs is disturbing you, make sure that you clearly explain how it is negatively affecting you. Demonstrate to them that your problem isn't with them, but that it is with the noise and how it is interfering with your life. For example, if their music is keeping you up at night, try the following: “Chris, you clearly have excellent taste in music—I'd like to get that playlist from you if I can—but the walls between our apartment are pretty thin, and I've been having a really hard time getting to sleep because of it. I've got to get up early for work, so this is becoming an issue.” Rather than just demanding that your neighbors shut up or stop making noise altogether, it will help if you are prepared with a plan. Be sure to let your neighbor know how you would like the situation to be resolved. Try to offer a reasonable plan that acknowledges your neighbor's right to live their own life in their own home.  For example, if your issue is that your neighbor's dog has been barking while they are out, you can suggest that they crate the dog at certain times or place it in a different room in the house when they are out.  You could also suggest that they shut their blinds and curtains and leave the television or radio on when they are out (which can reduce the dog's distractions and thus hopefully its barking). If your neighbor's music has been keeping you up, rather than just demanding that they turn it off, you could try the following suggestion: “Given that I try to be asleep by 10pm would you be willing to turn the music off or switch to using headphones by then?”
Learn what you can about your neighbors. Choose the right time to talk to your neighbor. Avoid ambushing your neighbor. Be polite, respectful and friendly (if possible). Let your neighbor know how you are being affected. Suggest a plan.