Influencing their lives is one of the greatest things you can do. It is easy to tune out our children, and a miss an opportunity for meaningful guidance. If you never listen to your children and spend all of your time barking orders at them, they won't feel respected or cared for. Encourage your children to talk. Helping them express themselves early on can help them communicate successfully in the future. Don't ever forget that your child is a living, breathing human being who has needs and wants just like the rest of us. If your child is a picky eater, don't nag him constantly at the dinner table; if he's slow to potty train, don't embarrass him by talking about it in public; if you promised your child you'd take him to the movies if he was good, don't take back your promise because you're too tired. If you respect your child, then it's much more likely that your child will respect you back. It's a myth that loving your child "too much," praising your child "too much," or showering your child with "too much" affection can make your child spoiled rotten. Giving your child love, affection, and attention will positively encourage your child to develop as a human being. Giving your child toys instead of love, or not reprimanding your child for bad behavior is what will lead you to spoil your child. Tell your child how much you love him at least once a day -- but preferably, as often as you can. It will take effort and strength to be there for your child every day, but if you want to encourage your child to develop his own interests and character, you have to create a strong support system for him. This doesn't mean you have to follow your child around every second of the day, but it does mean that you have to be there for all of the little moments, from his first soccer game to family time at the beach.  Once your child starts school, you should know what classes he's taking and the names of his teachers. Go over your child's homework with him and help him with any difficult tasks, but do not do it for him. As your child gets older, you can start pulling back a bit, and encouraging your child to explore his interests without you by his side all the time. You can still be there for your child while encouraging him to explore his own interests. Don't tell your child which lessons to take; let him pick from a variety of options. You can help dress your child, but go clothes shopping together with your child, so he has some say in his appearance. And if your child wants to play with his friends or to play with his toys by himself without you there, let him build his own identity from time to time.  If you encourage independence early on, your child will be much more likely to think for himself as an adult. In as many situations as possible, offer your child plenty of choices. For younger children such as toddlers, you may even start by offering the choice between 2-3 favorable options to help them practice choosing without putting a lot of responsibility on them. As they age, you can work your way up to bigger choices.

Summary: Learn to listen to your children. Treat your child with respect. Know that you can never love your child too much. Be involved in your child's daily life. Encourage independence.


Try convincing yourself of the value of overcoming this fear. Make a list of advantages and disadvantages to spending time alone. Remember to consider the cost of this fear on your relationships, your own passions, and your self-development. For instance, you may decide that you will spend fifteen minutes alone without calling, texting, or messaging anyone, and as long as you need to process those fifteen minutes. This process might take place four times a week.  Make exposure gradual and take into consideration how bad your fear is. This process takes time and should not be rushed. Plan to be alone for short spurts. Little by little, you will want to plan increased amounts of time alone until you don’t feel overcome with panic. Try making an exposure hierarchy in which you rank feared situations on a scale of 0-100 according to how afraid you anticipate being when exposed to it. For example, you may rank spending an hour alone at home at 100, but going to a movie alone a 70. By ranking you can work up to overcoming gradually greater fears only once fear subsides for the less threatening fears. Try exposing yourself to a lower-ranked fear. At first you’ll feel incredibly nervous and anxious, and this is normal. In time, your body will relax. After a few highly uncomfortable attempts, this will be a way to signal to yourself that you are capable of spending time alone. Exposing yourself to your fear will also help you think more deeply about the fears behind the initial panic.  Don't become overly preoccupied with how panicked you feel and how stressed your body becomes. Because you are purposely exposing yourself to something you fear, shallow breathing, increased heart rate, and other physical symptoms of anxiety are normal. The longer the alone time, the greater the anxiety you will feel. But, with exposure, anxiety is expected and will dissipate with time. Gently push your limits until you are happy with how much alone time you can handle. Imagine you are going swimming--dipping your toes in the water can be exciting, but it won't adjust you to the temperature of the water. Another option is FearFighter, a computerized program of self-help methods that treat phobias.It is endorsed by the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE) and proven effective. Because exposure can be so stressful, you may want a reliable way to distract yourself in the moment. Try reciting a few lines of a poem to yourself, doing arithmetic in your head, or whispering encouraging phrases to yourself, like "this feeling will pass, I have handled it before". Remember, the less often you use your crutch, the more intensive the exposure sessions will be. During and after your exposure sessions, record your level of fear on a scale from 0 to 10. 0 is fully relaxed and 10 is as fearful as you can imagine being. Doing this will show you how desensitized you have become to being alone and how much fear you were safely able to handle.  Note trends in the sessions when anxiety seems especially high or low. Do you see any other factors that affect your fear, like the weather, or who you spent time with earlier in the day? You can also use the journal to write encouraging thoughts, difficulties, and anything else that "comes up" related to the fear. This will help you know yourself and your underlying patterns better.
Summary: Prepare to face your fear. Define specific goals. Expose yourself to the fear. Develop a mind-soothing crutch. Track progress in a journal.