Summarize the following:
A macro expression is when we make a face that goes along with a certain feeling and it lasts anywhere between .5 and 4 seconds, and usually involves the entire face.  These types of expressions are made when we are alone, or with close family or friends. They last longer than “microexpressions” because we are comfortable in our surroundings and don’t feel the need to conceal our emotions. Macroexpressions are relatively easy to see if you know what to look for in a person. A microexpression is a shortened version of an emotional facial expression. They go on and off the face in a fraction of a second, sometimes 1/30 of a second. They happen so fast that if you blink you can miss them.  Microexpressions are usually the sign of concealed emotions. Sometimes the emotions are not necessarily being concealed, they are just rapidly processed. Research suggests that micro expressions happen because facial expressions cannot be completely voluntarily controlled, even if the person is trying to control their emotions. There are two neural pathways in the brain that mediates facial expressions, and they enter into a type of “tug of war” over the face when someone is in an intensely emotional situation but is trying to conceal their feelings. Being able to read facial expressions benefits people in many different professions, especially those who work with the public, such as health professionals, teachers, researchers, and business people, as well as anyone interested in improving their personal relationships. When having a conversation with someone, see if you can first establish a baseline in their face. The baseline is their normal facial muscle activity when feeling little or no emotion. Then, throughout the course of the conversation, look for macro- or microexpressions and see how well these fit with what the person is saying.

summary: Watch for a macro expression. Notice a microexpression. Start looking for these expressions in others.


Summarize the following:
Sometimes people seem flaky because they have a condition like depression, anxiety, or ADHD. Similarly, they may have trouble staying organized or might live a very busy or chaotic life. While their behavior may be unfair to you, they aren’t doing it to be hurtful. Try to be understanding about the deeper reasons for their behavior. Don’t try to diagnose someone with a mental health condition. Just understand that it’s possible that the person has an underlying reason for acting the way they do. You deserve to feel respected and shouldn’t have to carry someone else’s weight. When your flaky person does something that hurts you, tell them what they did and how it made you feel. Then, ask them if they can work on improving this behavior going forward.  Let’s say your partner is flaky and often forgets to do the dishes. You might say, “When the dishes are still dirty in the morning, I feel really stressed and worry that they’ll attract bugs. Then, I end up doing them for you. What changes can we make to help you remember to do them?” Similarly, let’s say your friend is always late when they’re meeting up with you. Say, “I feel unimportant when you don’t show up on time. What can we do to help you arrive on time?” You probably wish they’d stop being flaky, but it’s a very difficult behavior to overcome. Chances are, they’d prefer if you were more flexible with them. To help both of you get what you want, compromise by acknowledging that they are flaky when you make plans. Here are some ways to do that:  Create padding in your schedule so they can be late. Plan an activity that you can do while you wait for them. Let them pick places and activities. Don’t base plans around them. Avoid agreeing to rides with them. Include other people in your plans so you can still go if they flake. Generally, flaky people know how to have fun. They’re often spontaneous and impulsive, so they can help you have new adventures. Take advantage of these traits by letting them help you have a great time. For instance, invite them to do karaoke or visit a new bar. Cleaning up someone’s mess can be super frustrating. You might even feel resentful about having to help a flaky partner or coworker. However, it’s not your responsibility to take care of their problems. If they neglect to do something, leave it for them to fix.  As an example, let’s say your roommate left their clothes in the hallway. Don’t pick them up! Leave the clothes there until they come get them. Similarly, your coworker might have done only half of a report. Send them an email with your boss copied on it that says something like, “This is the report that I have received from you. Half of the data is missing. Is this your final version?” This alerts your boss to the issue so you get credit for any extra work you do. Most people who are flaky will eventually become more responsible. However, they might take longer than other people their age. Remember that everyone is different, and it’s okay for someone to be strong in some areas and weak in others. Be patient with them as they learn to be more organized and self-controlled.  If your partner is flaky, this might mean running a more relaxed household with fewer chores. Similarly, you might decide to wait on commitments like marriage and children. If your coworker is flaky, you might avoid giving them tasks that require a lot of organization. The best way to help your flaky person improve their behavior is to reward them when they do something well. When they arrive on time, keep plans, or remember something important, tell them that you really appreciate their effort. This may encourage them to do these things more often. Say something like, “Thank you so much for coming to my birthday party tonight. I saw that you were early, and that makes me feel so good!”

summary: Show compassion because they might have a deeper issue. Talk to the person about specific behaviors that bother you. Work around their flakiness so it’s less of a problem. Invite them to do something fun if you’re spending time together. Let them experience the consequences of ignoring their responsibilities. Give them time to grow into their responsibility, if possible. Show appreciation when they follow through on something.


Summarize the following:
Ending a friendship can be as difficult as ending a romantic relationship. Don’t take the decision lightly. Before you decide to end a friendship, consider if there are any alternatives.You may just need to limit the time you spend with this person.  Even if a friendship is difficult, it may be worth preserving if you have many mutual friends, or if you work together. Otherwise, ending the friendship could cause ongoing tension that you can’t get away from. You can try taking some space away from this friend to see how your social life feels without that relationship. You can tell your friend you plan to take some time away from them, or simply do so without mentioning it. Breaking up is a delicate business. Prepare yourself by knowing exactly what you plan to say. You can even write out a script for yourself to practice from.  If you do write out a script, don’t bring it with you to the conversation. If an in-person conversation feels too scary, you can write a thoughtful letter or e-mail to your friend explaining your position. You can decide whether to ask for some space temporarily, or to let them know that the friendship is over. Your friend will likely feel saddened and rejected by this turn of events. Don’t make it worse by blaming them for  your decision. Emphasize that this is something that you need to do for your own well-being.  Use “I” statements to avoid blame. You can say, “I really need to feel comfortable having multiple friendships, so this is a decision I need to make.” You can also express your feelings about the decision. You can say, “I feel sad that we can’t be as close as we used to be, but I don’t think spending so much time together is healthy for me.” Remember that this is someone you’ve been close to. You don’t want to hurt their feelings needlessly. Besides, if they’ve been acting jealous, chances are that they’re already feeling insecure.  You can say something like, “This is a really difficult thing for me to do, but I know that our relationship isn’t a healthy one.” If you’re asked for an explanation or examples, offer them. It may be helpful for your friend to hear concrete reasons that the friendship needs to change.
summary: Consider if you definitely want to end the friendship. Practice what you will say to your friend. Emphasize your responsibility for the decision. Be honest, but gentle.