Q: When your loved one is raging about something or is upset and despondent, you should focus on the emotions he or she is trying to convey. When your loved one does this, he or she often is seeking validation and comfort for the pain he or she is feeling. This may be hard if your loved one is saying hurtful things. However, try to look past the words and see the underlying pain and other emotions being expressed. For example, if your loved one is shouting at you, then you could acknowledge her anger by saying something like, “I can tell that you are really angry right now.” For your relationship with your loved one to work, you need to listen to him or her. When your loved one is talking, push any judgment you have aside and actively listen and take in what your loved one is saying. Turn off TVs, phones, or computers and focus on your loved one. To let your loved one know you are listening, offer a periodic sound of acknowledgement or comment, such as "yes" or "uh huh." By using these types of statements, you will be letting your loved one know that you are hearing him or her. It does not mean that you are agreeing with everything your loved one says. Your loved one with BPD will have highs and lows as part of the disorder. This means that your loved one will sometimes be elated and overly enthusiastic. Just like you shouldn't get too emotionally involved when your loved one is belligerent, the same goes for when he or she is elated. Your loved one will act on impulse and emotions, often saying over the top things and suggesting things that are not feasible or possible. When this happens, detach yourself from the situation and try not to get swept up in the excitement. For example, your loved one may talk about how much he or she loves you. You loved one may also suggest you take a trip that is not feasible for either of you. Don't focus on the BPD in every conversation that you have with your loved one. Your loved one's life isn't defined by the BPD, so don't let your relationship be either. Talk about lighter topics that are of interest to both of you. For example, try talking to your loved one about his or her interests, a movie you recently saw, or plans for upcoming holidays. When you are with your loved one and his or her mood swings to anger or depression, try distracting him or her with an activity. Put on a movie you both want to see, go for a walk, make a cup of tea, play with a pet, or any other sort of soothing activity that takes your loved one out of the moment. Doing something soothing and enjoyable will get your loved one's mind off of the emotions and focused on something more productive and healthy. If you notice your loved one's behavior seems self-destructive, don't ignore it. Let your loved one know you are concerned. Even if your loved one tells you to mind your own business, keep a watch on him or her for warning signs. If you are worried about warning signs, talk to you loved one's therapist or doctor. If you see suicidal behavior, get help for your loved one immediately. The warning signs include:  Reckless behavior A change in behavior or normal activities Refusal to eat Any signs of self-harm, such as scratches
A: Acknowledge your loved one's pain. Listen to your loved one. Detach yourself from the situation. Talk about other things. Try to distract your loved one. Watch for destructive behavior.

Q: Being intellectually capable is important in life, but being emotionally intelligent is just as essential. Having high emotional intelligence can lead to better relationships and job opportunities. There are four core elements to emotional intelligence that help you lead a balanced life. Read this over and decide where you might have room for improvement, then take steps to practice your skills in that area:  Self awareness:  The ability to recognize your own emotions for what they are and understand their origins. Self-awareness means knowing your strengths and limitations. Self management: The ability to delay gratification, balance your needs with those of others, take initiative and to pull back on impulsivity. Self-management means being able to cope with change and to stay committed. Social awareness: The ability to be attuned to other people's emotions and concerns, as well as being able to notice and adapt to social cues. Being socially aware means being able to see the power dynamics at play within any group or in an organizational context. Relationship management: The ability to get along well with others, manage conflict, inspire and influence people and to communicate clearly. Stress is a catchall word for feeling overwhelmed by a variety of different emotions. Life is filled with difficult situations from relationship breakdowns to job loss. In between, there are myriad stress triggers that can make any daily issue seem much more challenging than it probably is. If you’re stressed a lot, it’s difficult to behave in the way you want to. Having a good plan for relieving stress improves all aspects of your EQ.  Figure out what triggers your stress, and what helps relieve it. Make a list of effective forms of stress relief, like hanging out with a friend or taking a walk in the woods, and put it to good use. Get help if you need it. If your stress feels too overwhelming to deal with alone, seek the help of a therapist or psychologist who can give you tools to cope (and help you raise your EQ in the process). When you're optimistic, it's easier to see the beauty in life and everyday objects and spread that feeling to those around you. Optimism results in emotional well being and greater opportunities – people want to be around an optimistic person and this draws them to you, with all the possibilities that more connections bring you.  Negativity encourages people to focus only on what can go wrong rather than building resilience. People with high EQ tend to know how to use fun and humor to make themselves and others feel safer and happier. Use laughter to get through tough times.
A: See where you have room for improvement. Lower your stress level by raising your EQ. Be more light-hearted at home and at work.

Q: If you want to file a charge against a federal employer, you need to contact an EEO counselor at the agency you applied with or worked for. You must contact the EEO counselor within 45 days from the day the discrimination occurred. The EEO counselor will offer alternative dispute resolution programs, but if you cannot settle the dispute, you will need to file a formal complaint. You will file a formal complaint with the help of your EEO counselor. Once you do, the agency will decide whether to investigate the claim or dismiss it. If the agency investigates the claim, they have 180 days to do so. When the investigation is completed, the agency will issue a notice allowing you to request a hearing in front of the EEOC or ask the agency to issue a decision concluding whether discrimination occurred. If you ask the agency to issue a decision and they find that no discrimination took place, or if you disagree with a part of the decision, you can appeal to the EEOC or to federal court. If you want a hearing, you must request one within 30 days of receiving the investigation findings. At the hearing, you will plead your case in front of an administrative law judge. The judge will make a finding and order relief if discrimination is found. The judge's findings and order will then be sent to the agency and they will decide whether to uphold the decision or not. The agency will have 40 days to make their final decision. If the agency declines to follow the administrative law judge's decision, you will be able to appeal to the EEOC. You must do this within 30 days of receiving the agency's decision. The EEOC will review all the materials and make a determination. If you do not agree with the EEOC's determination, you can ask for a reconsideration. Your request will only be accepted if you can show there was a mistake of fact or law. This request must happen within 30 days of receiving the appeal decision. If a reconsideration is granted, the decision that comes out of it is considered the final agency action.
A:
Contact an EEO counselor. File a formal complaint. Ask the agency to issue a decision. Request a hearing. File an appeal. Request reconsideration.