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While it is perfectly normal for someone to occasionally become angry, and even raise their voice, frequent outbursts of sudden, explosive anger are not normal, especially when that anger manifests in violent or abusive behavior. It is important for you to understand that their rage, and the violence it brings with it, is not in their control.   Explosive episodes, as opposed to normal expressions of anger, are characterized by being:  Abrupt, seeming to come out of nowhere. Much more extreme in intensity than is warranted by the event or situation triggering it. Violent and aggressive, either physically (e.g. screaming, invading personal space, or hitting objects, oneself, or other people) or emotionally (e.g. name-calling, threatening, or use of hurtful, insulting language). Irrational, and seemingly impossible to calm with words. Remember: your loved one's issues with anger are not your fault. Violence and abuse is never acceptable, and you have every right to take steps to avoid being harmed. While you can certainly help a loved one dealing with impulsive aggression by supporting them and learning about their condition, it is crucial that they seek the additional, outside help of a trained mental health professional.  Encourage them to consult an expert, and remind them that no one should have to deal with a serious medical issue like IED without the help of a doctor. Having a neighbor, friend, or family member close by who understands your loved one's rage issues, and the danger it poses to you, can be of great benefit to you should you ever need help. Let the person know that you'll be relying on them, and make sure they understand your plan of action, and what they may need to do in the event of a violent episode.    Be honest with whomever you tell, and resist the urge to sugar-coat your description of the explosive episodes in an effort to save face. A trustworthy confidant will not judge you, and will understand that IED and its effects are complex. If you are responsible for children, coordinate with trusted friends or family to establish a plan for them, should you need help getting them to safety while you deal with an explosive episode. If you are experiencing domestic violence, contact a domestic violence hot line, a women's shelter, or emergency services right away. Decide where you will go should you need to escape an explosive episode. Remember that episodes can occur at any time, even very late at night, so the place you choose should be accessible to you at all times. If there are children or others living with you, discuss the plan with them, and consider practicing getting safely out of your home with them, so that you are all prepared should the need arise.  It is a good idea to prepare a bag of essential items to take with you should you need to escape. Pack any important papers or documents you may wish to have with you, as well as extra clothes, house and car keys, money, and any medications you may need. Someone undergoing an episode of explosive anger will be unable to respond rationally to the situation they are in, and will behave unpredictably, and even violently. The best course of action for your safety is to remove yourself from the situation as quickly as possible. You should already have prepared a plan, and decided where you will go for safety. Don't worry about explaining yourself to your loved one: you'll have time to do that when they are calm.  Removing yourself not only protects you from immediate danger, it also ensures that you won't be tempted to argue with, or retaliate against, your loved one. Retaliation can be a natural response, but can often lead to an escalation of the episode, resulting in increased danger for everyone involved. If you or anyone else is in immediate danger, or you are unable to escape a violent episode, contact the police immediately. If someone is hurt, go to the emergency room and explain your situation: the doctors and nurses there will treat your injuries, and help you find resources to keep you out of harms way. If you are frightened of being harmed by your loved one, and need a place to go, contact a domestic violence hotline, or a local women's shelter or crisis center. If you are in the U.S., you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. The NDVH can connect you with local resources such as counselors, shelters and support groups.
Recognize when you are in danger. Encourage your loved one to seek help. Tell someone you can trust about your situation. Take precautions, and make a plan of action for emergencies. Remove yourself from explosive episodes. Contact emergency services for help.