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Children will model their behavior on what they see from the adults in their lives. If you make promises you don’t keep, or don’t show up when you say you will, children learn that this is acceptable.  If you promise a child a reward or something they’re looking forward to, be sure to follow through. Don’t assume children will forget promises you’ve made. Something that might seem small to you can be a big deal to them. For example, if you said, “we can go see that movie when it comes out next month,” the child may remember that and be very much looking forward to it, even if it’s unimportant to you. Stick to your new system of communication and discipline. This will show the child that even if you treated them differently before, the new rules are here to stay. It may take a while for them to get on board, but stick with it. It’s not fair to surprise a child by saying, “this room needs to be clean in five minutes.” Give the child time to understand the expectations, and to adjust their behavior.  Very young children might not be able to fully understand units of time (such as, “in an hour” or tomorrow). However, you can still use these to make your expectations clear and help them learn. For example, you can say, “I need you to clean your room sometime today so that we can go to the park tomorrow,” or, “School starts in an hour, so you don’t have enough time to watch TV.” If there are going to be negative consequences, the child definitely needs enough time to feel like they had a fair chance. For example, you can say, “You have half an hour to get dressed, or you won’t be able to play with the hamster before school.” Half an hour is plenty of time for a child to get dressed, even if they take a few minutes to hem and haw about it. Empty threats are  one of the fastest ways to get a child to ignore your authority. If you state that there will be consequences for actions (whether positive or negative) be honest and follow through.  It may be tempting to exaggerate or even lie sometimes, by saying things like, “Your face is going to freeze like that,” or, “Sugar will make your teeth fall out,” or, “If you’re not ready to go, I’m going to leave without you.” However, avoid doing this. You can explain the actual consequences of actions, which are still substantial. For example, you can say, “Making faces like that around other people isn’t polite,” or, “Eating a lot of sugar isn’t healthy or good for your teeth,” or, “If you aren’t ready, we’re going to be late, and will miss part of the party.” If you promise to reward good behavior, do it. Otherwise, the child will learn that their efforts won’t be acknowledged. Especially if you’re dealing with your own child, it can be painful to watch them feel upset or uncomfortable. The child might express frustration, or might make you feel guilty or bad for their suffering. However, if you’re using your best judgement and doing what is best for the child, maintain your position and accept that learning to accept discomfort is part of their maturing.  If the child throws a tantrum or says things like, “I hate you,” or, “You’re a bad mom/dad/babysitter,” remain calm. Let them get these things out of their system and eventually calm down. You can talk to them about their unkind words later. The child may express extreme discomfort when they’re not allowed to play with a certain toy, see a certain movie, or stay up extra late. However, remember that they will live through this, and will learn the important lesson of restraint and consequences. The limits you’ve set are healthy for them, not harmful. If a child listens the first time, or demonstrates good behavior, praise them. It’s also good to reward good behavior when you can. The reward may be something you had already promised, or it can be a surprise.  Remember to praise all of your child's good efforts. This includes talking to you, listening to you, doing what you've asked them to do, and any other positive behaviors you'd like to enforce. This shows the child that you recognize their effort and encourages the child to keep making good behavior choices. If you didn’t promise a reward, a surprise reward can be very instructive to the child. For example, you can say, “Wow, since you cleaned your room so fast, we have some extra time. Do you want to go play in the park or get an ice cream down the street?” Praise from an adult they respect can be a great reward for a child. You can say things like, “Thank you so much for doing your chores! You listened so well, and you did a great job. Your room is so clean, it’s amazing!”
Demonstrate that you’re reliable. Explain your expectations with fair warning. Be honest about consequences. Allow the child to feel discomfort. Praise good behavior.