INPUT ARTICLE: Article: When we want to be in a relationship with someone, it usually means there are things we want from that person, such as care, intimacy, and companionship. Try to figure out what you were wanting, and then see if there are other ways to get the same things. For example, do you have a close friend you can spend more time with? Is there someone else that would actually be a better fit romantically for these needs? Once you've discovered what it is you need, you can address those needs directly. Just because one guy rejects you doesn't mean everyone else will. Avoid over-generalizing and thinking that you're undesirable just because it didn't work out with one person. It's possible he doesn't even dislike you; sometimes guys are just not ready for a relationship or the timing is off. Avoid making assumptions about your self-worth because of a rejection. When a guy rejects you, it says nothing about you. All it does is show that you two weren't compatible. There are other guys who will appreciate what you have to offer. Make a list of these things to remind yourself of your worth and desirability. Here are some potential examples:  Are you a great cook? Are you confident in yourself? Are you financially independent? Are you pursuing an education? Do you already have one? Can you deal with spiders and insects? Some guys are afraid of them! Avoid the temptation of trying to figure out "what you did wrong" or how you aren't "good enough." There are guys who will accept you for who you are, so don't think you need to change in order to be appreciated and loved. If a guy rejects you, he wasn't the one for you. A common mental mistake that people make is called "personalization." This involves thinking that everything someone does is a reaction to you personally. Avoid personalizing the guy's reaction by thinking that it reflects directly on you and your self-worth. Him saying no does not mean anything about your self-worth. It may sound silly, but social rejection activates the same pathways in the brain as physical pain. If you're experiencing a lot of pain over the rejection, take some acetaminophen (Tylenol). It may not completely eliminate the hurt, but studies show that it can help.  There's no replacement for engaging your support network of friends and family, though. Avoid trying to cope with intoxicating drugs or alcohol. This won't help in the long-run.

SUMMARY: Ask yourself what you were hoping to receive. Recognize that each situation and person is unique. Make a list of things you love about yourself. Avoid blaming yourself. Take some pain relieving medication.


INPUT ARTICLE: Article: There’s probably a reason why this person is an enemy. Consider what they did that pushed you away from them and how it made you feel. Then, remind them what happened and how it affected you. You might say, “I know that you made up that embarrassing nickname that everyone calls me. It really hurt my feelings that you did that.” for your actions that hurt them. While you might not be the main aggressor in this situation, you’ve likely made some mistakes in the past. Take responsibility for your actions and tell them that you’re sorry. This will help you both move on. You could say, “I know that I hurt your feelings, and I’m really sorry about that. I hope you can forgive me,” or “I know you’re mad that I dated your ex, and I totally understand that. I’m really sorry for hurting your feelings.” them for the things they did in the past. They may have really hurt you in the past, but hanging onto that pain will prevent you from being friends. Letting go of your pain and anger will help you move on, so forgive them for what happened. Acknowledge how you feel, then make a conscious decision to stop carrying that pain around. You can choose whether or not you want to tell them you forgive them. Telling them you forgive them can go a long way toward forming a friendship. Say, “I appreciate what you said. I forgive you for what happened.” Everyone has good qualities and bad qualities. If you only look at a person’s bad qualities, it’s easy to think of them as an enemy. Try seeing this person in a more positive light by picking out their best qualities. For instance, you might recognize that they’re outspoken, they’re good at listening, and they’re kind to animals. It’s likely that they’re going to do things that irritate you sometimes. It’s easy to assume they’re doing these things on purpose, but they probably aren’t. Instead of getting upset, try to think of positive or neutral reasons why they might make these choices. For instance, let’s say both of you signed up for the same volunteer position and you find out that they talked to the person in charge to increase their chances of getting it. That might make you feel like they went behind your back. However, you could choose to believe that they had no intention to hurt you and just really care about the job.

SUMMARY: Talk to them about how their past actions made you feel. Apologize Forgive Look for the best in them instead of focusing on their faults. Assign positive motives to their actions when you’re feeling upset.


INPUT ARTICLE: Article: In any conflict situation, everyone involved tends to believe the situation is the other party's fault. Consider whether there is anything you could do differently to improve your working relationship.  Do you have an aggressive personality? Sometimes you might come on too strong, and others might react by withdrawing or becoming defensive, even if you meant well. Try toning it down or giving them some space. Do you tend to be critical? Even if it's part of your job, the way a person offers criticism can feel constructive or like a personal attack. Some people with more sensitive personalities may receive all but the most gentle criticism this way. Don't be afraid to take the responsibility for a conflict, and make it right. Use "I statements" to deflect potential defensiveness, like "I may have overstepped my role" or "I am afraid I may have come across too harshly with my criticism." Learning more about their interests, backgrounds, and families can help to relieve some of the conflict by helping you understand their personality, goals, and priorities.  Invite them over to your home for a barbeque, or to a bar or restaurant after work. You can get to know them free of the stress of the workplace, and help them to see you as a three dimensional person with a life outside of work. Remember that negative and conflict-ridden people are often under a lot of stress. They may be fighting a medical condition, struggling to pay their bills, or dealing with family issues. Extend the same benefit of the doubt that you would hope someone would extend to you on a bad day. Be considerate of your co-worker's personal boundaries, and don't be offended if they choose not to get close. They may decline invitations or prefer to keep their work relationships strictly professional, and that's ok too. You might not be best friends with all your co-workers, but you can make a special effort to be kind, polite, and easy to work with.  Never engage in behaviors that are considered harassment, such as making suggestive sexual comments or gestures or telling jokes that target race, culture, or gender.  Consider leaving notes of appreciation for your co-workers, or bringing in donuts to the office once a month. When it's reasonable and does not add to your work load, help your co-workers out in little ways: grab their copies off the copy machine, offer to take orders for Starbucks if you're headed there anyway, or refill the soap dispenser. The little things can add up to a much more enjoyable working relationship. Going out of your way to be kind doesn't mean letting others walk all over you or letting others take advantage of your helpfulness. It just means treating everyone the same at work regardless of whether they are your favorite or least favorite person to work with.

SUMMARY:
Look at yourself. Get to know your co-workers as people. Go out of your way to be kind.