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Instead of using nicknames or generic greetings, like “kiddo” or “buddy,” use their name to show you know who they are and that you respect them. Especially avoid clumping them in with their parents by saying things like, “Hi, Becka’s child.” This communicates that you don’t care to take the time to learn their name, which is hurtful.  Similarly, if they always go by a nickname or shortened name, make sure to use their preferred first name. For example, if a child named “Charles” prefers to be called “Charlie,” try to use that when you talk to them. You may also develop your own special nickname with the child over time, depending on how often you spend time with them. Try to be aware of your tone and talk just like how you would to a friend or coworker. You may need to switch out some vocabulary, but in general, you don’t need to simplify your sentences. Talking with a higher register won’t feel natural to you, and kids can tell when you’re behaving strangely. When children are infants or toddlers, baby-talk is practical and normal, but once kids are past the age of 3, it’s a good idea to start talking to them normally to help them develop their own language capabilities, too. Use phrases like “tell me about…,” “what do you think about…,” or “how do you…,” to encourage a conversation rather than an interrogation. You could even ask silly or funny questions. For example, if they have a favorite toy they bring with them everywhere, ask them what its favorite meal is.  Be aware of the age of the child you’re talking to. For younger children, ages 4-8, try asking them about their favorite activities, movies, or books. For children 9-13, ask them about their friends or if they have any hobbies. Make sure you really listen to their answers to your questions! If you don’t understand what they said, it’s okay to ask them to repeat themselves. When you do understand, elaborate on the conversation by summarizing what they told you. For example, if they tell you that they woke up that morning and went on a walk with their mom and dog, you could say, “So on your walk this morning, did you see any other people walking their dogs?” Encourage them to keep talking! Sometimes kids might feel overwhelmed or insecure around adults or uncertain of whether their stories and information are welcome. Saying “tell me more” shows that you are engaged and want to hear what they have to say. This is also great because it doesn’t ask a specific question but instead lets the child lead the conversation in the direction they want it to go. Are they helping their parents make dinner? Or do they feed the family dog every morning? Do they know how to braid hair? Ask them to show you how to do something—this increases their confidence and gets them talking about something without you having to ask a lot of questions.  They may in turn ask you how you do something—this is a great way to build rapport with children! Try to keep your instructions short and to the point, and show them examples when you can. For example, if you are showing them how to fold towels, show them the first step, have them do it themselves, and then show them the next step, and so on. For example, children ages 4-8, could show you how to play a game or do a craft. Older children could teach you about any of their hobbies, video games, or sports. Be willing to talk about weird or gross things, like bugs or fairies or what they think their fish talk about at night, if this is what the child brings up in conversation. Don’t worry about whether or not the things you are talking about are silly or real, just roll with the conversation! Think back to when you were a child and the things you liked to talk about—chances are you were really invested in different worlds of make-believe, and today’s kids are no different. It may sound counterintuitive, but try ignoring them for a while if they seem standoffish. Talk to the parent, if they are around, or scroll on your phone or read a book, but stay in the same area as the child. Try saying something like, “I’d love to talk with you whenever you’re ready. Until then, I’m just going to talk to your mom, okay?” Let them be, and chances are they will come to you on their own. Let the child set their own boundaries for conversations—if they don’t want to talk, don’t continue to ask them questions—just let them be for a little while.
Use their name when you talk to them. Avoid baby talk with children who are no longer infants. Ask open-ended questions rather than “yes” or “no” questions. Say “tell me more” to invite them to open up. Ask them to teach you something. Let the child lead the conversation, and be open to different topics. Don’t try so hard to force a conversation with them.