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Telling your spouse is vital; if your spouse has no idea how you're feeling, they may put you in situations you'd rather not be in. Find an opportune time to sit down together and talk through the issues in a calm way. Let them know what’s bothering you and what you’d like them to do about it. Your spouse may be better suited to talk to their mother for you.  Don't be surprised if your spouse refuses to "take sides". They love both of you, so taking sides can put them in a difficult situation. Ask your spouse to talk to their mother about things that bother you. She might take the discussion better when it come from their own child. Even if you don’t agree with what she has to say, listen to your mother-in-law. Don’t immediately write off what she has to say. Hear her out (even if you feel  it’s ridiculous) and let her know you’re listening. You don't have to agree to anything.  Respond neutrally by saying, “Okay, I’ll consider that” or, “Thanks for your input.” If she puts you in a difficult position, defer to your spouse. Say, “I don’t want to answer right away. Let me talk to my spouse first.” . Deflecting criticism or other awkward interaction with humor can deflate conflicts and put everyone at ease again. Whether the situation seems tense or she’s making things difficult, a little humor can go a long way. For example, if your mother-in-law is complaining about the weather, reply with "Well, at least it means we don't have to sit indoors complaining about how cold it is!” Are you able to put yourself in her shoes occasionally and see just where some of her so-called interfering or judgmental behavior comes from? She values the person you're married to, so there must be something good inside her!  Keep in mind that whatever your feelings, your mother-in-law remains one of the most important people in your spouse's life. Be sure it's not your own untamed jealousy causing problems. If your relationship with your mother is strained or difficult, consider if that is affecting your relationship with your mother-in-law. Remember that they are different people, and you can have a different relationship with each one.
Come up with solutions with your spouse. Respect her different viewpoints. Use humor Work through your own feelings about your mother-in-law.