Summarize the following:
If it is possible, open a dialogue with your aggressor to try to learn his point of view. Ask him questions like, “Is there something specific I did to offend you?” or, “What can I do to make things right between us?" Do not be condescending or argumentative; instead, be understanding and empathetic. It may be difficult to face your adversary, so you could try texting or emailing. However, written words may have a different tone than your true intent, and may be taken the wrong way. Show compassion towards your adversary directly and indirectly. She might be going through a difficult time in her life or lack the skills to deal with certain situations appropriately. Recognize that your adversary is human and has feelings. Try to open your heart to your enemy and put yourself in her shoes to get an idea how she might be feeling. When you choose to forgive someone, recognize that this does not mean your adversary forgives you. You have no control over the actions and feelings of your adversary. Yet, this does not control your decision to forgive. Give up the feeling of control by surrendering yourself and trusting that things will work out. Surrender the grasp you think you have on your adversary to help yourself forgive him. Forgiveness and reconciliation differ greatly because reconciliation requires both parties to work together, whereas forgiveness only requires yourself. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean letting her off the hook, it simply means that you accept what happened and you are willing to move on. To “forgive and forget” may not be the best strategy. It is good to remember what your adversary has done to you so that you can learn from the experience and recognize it if it happens again.
Talk to the person. Be compassionate. Recognize that you are not in control of your adversary. Understand that forgiveness is up to you.