If not, then don't end things. You need to mentally consider this as a break-up. Don't try and let someone down easy as an excuse to "keep your options open." Either you break up or you don't. Playing games with someone's emotions isn't fair or gentle.  If you hope that you can get them to break up with you, then don't try and let them down gently. You can't expect them to do the work for you -- you need to end things yourself. If they don't pick up on the hints or being gentle doesn't work, you need to be ready to step in and end the relationship firmly. Your goals when splitting away from someone are important. If you don't want to see someone again, then you should just end the relationship quickly and kindly. If you're just trying to slow thing down a bit, a gentle let down is more appropriate.  A gentle let down can give someone the impression that you may want to rekindle things later in life. If you don't want this, end it quickly. If you're being gentle because you are worried about your safety, just end things quickly. Don't worry about being gentle. If you're worried about their reaction, bring a trusted friend along. If you've had some disagreements lately and just need some space, you should let them down gently, allowing you to resume friendship when the dust has settled. All relationships have ups and downs, and it is easy to forget about the good times when you're in the bad. If you're trying to let her down because you've hit a rough patch, ask yourself if you really dislike her or just dislike your current state.  Don't rush into this decision. Wait 2-3 weeks to see if your feelings change. Try writing a list of pros and cons to help clarify your decision. Use this to see if there are things you can adjust rather than simply ending the relationship. Many people like the "gentle let down" because it lets you change your mind later on. If you do keep changing your mind, however, you are likely in a short lull, not some relationship crisis. If you keep having the same old fights every day, then you should consider ending it once and for all. While your gentle intentions are noble, and you still care for their feelings, ask yourself if you're really making things better with a protracted split. Sometimes you just need to rip the Band-Aid off. If you know that they're emotionally invested in your relationship and don't want things to end, you're not going to be gentle no matter what you do. Don't prolong this more than necessary. If he seems distant as well, and you just don't feel the spark anymore, you should go ahead and let him down nice and gently. If you've realized that this isn't fair, or isn't the best way to end things, you should weigh your other options. Consider:  Ending a manipulative or abusive relationship.  Ending a Friendship. Breaking up. Rekindling the relationship.
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One-sentence summary -- Are you sure that you want to end the relationship? Are you trying to break contact completely, or just return to friendship? Is your relationship in a lull, or fatally flawed? Would a quick, clean break up be better for everyone? What can you do instead of a gentle let down?


One way to keep your reactions under control is to steer clear of situations and people who provoke strong reactions from you. You may not be able to avoid certain people and situations, but you can find ways to limit your exposure or make these experiences more pleasant.  For example, if you tend to react in an overdramatic way if you are running late for work, then try to leave 10 minutes earlier than you usually do. Or, if you have a friend who makes you crazy, then try to limit your contact with him or her. If you bump into the friend, then you can just say something like, “Hi! I wish I could stay and chat, but I am in a hurry. Have a good day!” Before you do or say anything, you might find it helpful to take a moment to yourself and process your emotions a bit. For example, you could go into another room and do some deep breathing to calm yourself down, listen to a soothing song, or just examine how you are feeling. To excuse yourself, try saying something like, “I have to run to the bathroom. Just give me a few minutes and we can keep talking.” If you receive some disappointing news, you may have some string negative emotions coming up. If you want to make sure that you do not overreact to the situation, then you may need to allow yourself to feel these feelings and think about what they mean. For example, if you have just learned that you are failing a class, then you might notice a knot in your stomach or trembling hands. Take a moment to consider why you are feeling this way. For example, you might be fearful about what your parents might say or disappointed in yourself. One reason that some people overreact to certain situations is because they have negative thoughts that go unchallenged. For example, if you learned that you are failing a class, then you might think to yourself, “I am a failure!” However, this thought is not an accurate reflection of the situation. It is a dramatic reaction. When you notice yourself overdramatizing a situation like this, take a moment to identify and challenge the thought. For example, you might reframe the thought “I am a failure!” to something like, “I thought I was passing the class, but I am not. However, I am still doing well in my other classes, so this is just a temporary setback.” After you have challenged any negative thoughts, you can begin to look for solutions to your problem. For example, instead of punching a locker or sobbing openly in the hallway, you might decide to schedule an appointment with your teacher to ask if there is anything you can do to bring up your grade. Even if the action you take does not lead to a positive outcome, keep looking for solutions! For example, if your teacher says that there is nothing you can do, then start making plans to improve your grades for the following semester or school year. To ensure that your reactions are appropriate, it is also important to reflect on how you handled the situation. You can ask yourself some questions to determine whether you handled the situation well. If you answer yes to any of these questions, then you may still need to work on some things:  Is there anything that you regret about your response or that you wish you could change? Did you lash out at anyone who was trying to comfort you or help you? Do you feel the need to apologize for anything you said or did? Did you feel like you were out of control at any point? Did you make any unfair assumptions about anyone? Did you feel the need to withdraw from others to deal with the situation?
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One-sentence summary --
Identify your triggers and avoid them. Take a moment to yourself. Tune in to your emotions. Challenge negative thoughts that arise. Take a more reasonable action. Reflect on how you handled the situation.