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Notice the warning signs. Avoid escalating the conflict. Be assertive. Stand firm.
Your husband may start being subtly passive aggressive without him even noticing it. The trick is to pick up on the behaviors before things spiral out of control. You may notice him slipping in his responsibilities ever so slightly, procrastinating more than usual, or finding excuses for things. When you notice these signs, you can disengage from the conflict before more overt passive aggression comes forth. While your first reaction may be to nag him or explode on him for his behavior, resist the urge to do so. You may turn into a parent role, which won’t go well for you or your husband. It’s unlikely you want to parent your husband, and it’s unlikely he wants to be placed in the child role in your marriage. If you feel yourself about to react, stop yourself and take a moment. Think about the way you feel and what thoughts are going through your head. Take a deep breath before saying anything. Don’t play his game. If you start in on the passive aggressiveness, then you will cycle the behavior until both of you are utterly unhappy. Instead, approach him in saying, “We have a problem that we need to work through.” If he is chronically late, say, “We have a difficulty getting out of the house in time when we have places to be. What do you think would be helpful in ensuring we get places on time?” Maybe his lines used to work in guilting you or accepting blame, but put an end to it. Don’t let these tactics work on you any longer. If he says, “I’m not mad” but clearly is, make a request for him to be honest with you and share how he is feeling. If he says, “I was only joking”, make sure you communicate that those kind of jokes are disrespectful and not appreciated. If he says, “Why are you so mad?” Communicate clearly that his behavior is upsetting. “When you don’t communicate with me, it’s really frustrating. I’d like to know what’s going on that feels challenging to you.”