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Determine if your child has a psychological issue. Rule out any physical pain. Figure out if something is occurring that you don’t know about. Help your child identify their feelings.
A variety of psychological problems in children reveal themselves through anger. Speaking with your pediatrician or therapist may help you understand if this is why your child seems to experience bouts of anger that aren’t appropriate to you. If you get a diagnosis, medication or therapy may be the answer. ADHD, depression, anxiety, autism, and sensory processing issues may cause a child to feel a higher level of anger than those without them do. Learning disorders and trauma and neglect are also potential causes of hostility in children. A natural response to pain in anyone, child or adult, is anger. If your child is in pain and you aren’t aware of it, they may become angry sooner or at a more intense level than what you think is necessary. They may not understand the pain or why they are in pain, or it may confuse or scare them. They act out in temper tantrums or fits of rage as a way to manage it. Chronic headaches, allergies, stomach issues, problematic teeth, or even juvenile arthritis are all common causes of pain in children. Ask them if something hurts, and if they say yes or aren’t at an age where they are able to communicate it well, take them to a doctor for testing. Once the pain subsides, you may see an improvement in their behavior. Children often respond in anger when they feel hurt, threatened, or insecure. Anger is an emotion that is used to shield other emotions, such as shame, guilt, sadness, or fear. It is important to help your child identify the source of their emotions. Take a good, hard look at what is happening in your child’s life and you may find the answer. You can ask your child if anything is occurring that is upsetting them, but you may have to do some investigating on your own. Ask your child your child’s teacher if they are being bullied at school or experiencing any other issues. If so, this may be the reason for the anger. Additionally, consult with your child’s sports coach, the parents of their friends, or other adults in their lives that may know something your child is experiencing that you don’t know about. Sometimes, your child may feel angry, but isn’t exactly sure why. Talking to them about it and helping them to pinpoint why they are upset can help them to fully understand the situation, and then perhaps not become so angered by it. Your child may also feel better just by talking about what is going on. Pull them away from the situation, get down to their eye level, and then ask questions to determine the cause of the rage.  For example, if your child’s friend has to stop playing and go home and your child responds with an outburst, say, “It would be great if your friend could stay here longer, but they can’t. They are needed at home. They can come back another day.” Or, you could simply ask them if that’s the problem. Both techniques validate your child’s feelings and if you are able to redirect them by telling them what they want will likely happen again in the future, it may buffer their disappointment and anger.