Much of communication is nonverbal. Pay attention; it can be very important. Maintain eye contact and notice any changes in your eye contact or the other person’s eye contact. Notice a person’s posture and facial expressions and see if there are any inconsistencies. If you do notice differences, ask a question again or seek clarification. Give your full attention when someone is speaking. Many people try to think about what they will say next, but stay engaged with the person who is speaking. People appreciate feeling heard and understood, and one of the best ways to do this is through actively listening. Turn your body toward them and lean in. Don’t turn to distractions (like cell phones) and stay present with the person. Don’t just hear the words the person is saying, listen for information and how they are communicating. For example, the person’s voice might change when talking about something emotional or when they feel uncomfortable. If someone else is speaking, do your best not to interrupt them. Let them complete their thoughts before adding to them or saying something else.  This shows that you’re listening and care about what they are saying. If you tend to interrupt people often, they may feel frustrated in talking to you and may not communicate all they wish to say. Letting someone complete their thoughts means that you’re fully listening and are not preoccupied with your own words. This way, they will feel more comfortable in sharing everything and won’t miss something they meant to say because the conversation got sidetracked. If anything is unclear or if there is anything that you do not quite understand, then make sure to ask a question about it. Try saying something like, "Would you mind clarifying what you mean by ___?" or "I'm not sure I understand ___. Can you elaborate?" If the person is still talking and you don't want to interrupt them, jot the question down so that you do not forget to ask them about it.
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One-sentence summary -- Understand body language. Listen closely. Avoid interrupting. Ask questions.


There are often local resources to help victims of abuse.  If you are not sure where to start or if you just want to talk to someone about whether your relationship is abusive, try one of the following resources.  Be careful using your own home computer or your cellular phone, as your page visits and phone calls may be stored in the history or call log.  In the US: National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233(SAFE) Men in the US can contact The Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women   In the UK: Women’s Aid 0808 2000 247 Men in the UK can contact ManKind Initiative   In Australia: 1800Respect 1800 737 732 Men in Australia can contact One in Three   Worldwide: The International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies If you are the target of physical violence from your partner, you are in an abusive relationship, period. However, abuse can take many other forms that are more difficult to detect and common for victims to justify. Your partner doesn't need to raise a hand against you to consider it abuse.   Physical abuse means hitting, pushing, or any other form of physical assault on your person. There's no excuse for physical assault, even once, and physical abuse is cause for criminal charges and immediate termination of the relationship.  Emotional abuse can include humiliation, belittling, controlling behavior, threats, intimidation, and degradation. If your partner continually makes you feel worthless, pathetic, or terrible, you are probably in an abusive situation.   Financial abuse occurs when an abuser takes complete control over you by rigidly controlling your finances to the point that you lose personal freedom.  This can take on many forms, including limiting your ability to work, taking money that you earn, or not allowing you access to shared bank accounts.   Sexual abuse is, unfortunately, a common part of abusive relationships. Just because you've consented to sex before doesn't mean you've consented to sex at all times, nor should being in a relationship for a certain length of time mean that sex is "required." If you feel that you are being pressured into sex that is unwanted, unsafe, or degrading, you are being abused.Another element of sexual abuse is a man impregnating a woman without her consent or forcing her to terminate a pregnancy against her will. It is very common for abusers to lead victims to believe that the abuse is the victims’ fault.  Someone acting aggressive, violent, or manipulative towards you is never your fault.  Know that your relationship can still be abusive, even if:  Your partner has never hit you.  Emotional or verbal abuse is still abuse.  The abuse doesn’t seem as bad as other instances of abuse you’ve heard about.   Physical violence has only happened once or twice.  Any physical violence is a sign that more is possible.   Signs of abuse stopped when you became passive, stopped arguing, or refrained from expressing your own thoughts or opinions. If you eventually face your abuser in court, hard evidence can help you get a restraining order, win a custody battle, or otherwise ensure that this sort of abuse will never happen again.  If you can, try to record some audio of your abuser intimidating or threatening you. This can do a lot in helping to establish the character of your abuser, who will likely be on best behavior in court. Take photographs of physical abuse. Always immediately report physical abuse to the authorities and seek immediate medical attention. The medical records and police report will provide thorough documentation of the abuse. You are not responsible for the actions of your partner, regardless of what the abuser says. You don't "deserve" to be abused, you didn’t do anything to cause the abuse, and you deserve to live a happy life free of violence. The thought and behavior patterns that lead the abuser to commit abuse are caused by deep-seated emotional and psychological problems, not your actions. Unfortunately, without professional help, these issues are unlikely to resolve themselves.
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One-sentence summary --
Get help. Recognize abuse. Do not excuse or dismiss abusive behavior. Document the abuse. Remember that abuse is not your fault.