Summarize:

The first step to making an apology is to realize that you are not always right. People are often defensive and struggle to accept their faults. This mechanism is meant to protect your mind and emotions from being hurt, but it can often lead to difficulties when dealing with other people. For example, if a person tells you that your bumper sticker is offensive, you might feel the need to accuse them of being “overly sensitive” before stopping to think about why they were offended. By assuming that the other person’s opinion is as valid as your own, you open yourself up to understanding their point of view, even if you still disagree. Sometimes people do things that are just not cool. That includes you. When you do something that has a negative effect on someone else, be willing to admit fault in the situation. Constantly deferring fault to the other person can put a strain on the relationship and make it hard to move past the conflict. For example, say you were supposed to pick your friend up from work. When you left your job, you were so focused on getting home that you forgot to pick up your friend. If you say something to your friend like “You should have reminded me,” you are not accepting fault. Instead, you should acknowledge your role in the situation by saying something like “It was my fault, I completely forgot that you needed a ride.” The longer you wait to apologize, the less sincere it will seem. The person that you are apologizing to will be expecting the apology immediately. If you withhold it, it can put a strain on the relationship. Your eventual apology is likely to be mistaken for a way to alleviate that strain rather than a genuine apology. If you are out with friends and say something that embarrasses one of them, apologize immediately. Do not wait until the next time you see them to bring up the apology. If you are apologizing, you have likely hurt another person in some way. The first step to a full apology is to acknowledge this. Next, express your regret for having hurt them, and finally make an effort to amend the situation (and relationship) and ask to be forgiven. For example, if you missed several phone calls from your spouse while you were out with friends, saying “I’m sorry,” isn’t a full apology. Instead, say something like “I know that you were worried about me last night. I am sorry that I didn’t have my phone charged. From now on, I’ll take a phone charger in my car so you can reach me. Do you forgive me?”
Be as humble as possible. Accept fault when necessary. Offer your apology quickly. Give a full apology.