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Once your partner tells you the relationship is over, avoid begging for another chance or calling your partner over and over again. Take a step back and respect your partner’s desire for space and distance. Use this time apart to focus on your issues and what went wrong in the relationship, rather than try to talk to your partner directly. Limiting your contact may mean avoiding any messaging via text or social media. If you really feel you need more distance and space, you might want to consider unfriending your partner from Facebook and removing their number from your phone. This will prevent you from being tempted to drop in your partner’s life while you are apart and can help you re focus on your issues and needs away from your partner. You can do this in an active way by keeping a journal and writing down your thoughts and feelings around the break up. Think about factors that may have lead to the break up, such as infidelity, a lack of trust, or a lack of sexual desire. Make a list of these factors and consider if you are responsible for any of these reasons. This can help you take ownership of the part you played in the break up and help you focus on issues that you may need to work through on your own. In the event your ex-partner does give you a second chance, you want to be sure you can step up and be a good partner. Part of this is acknowledging your shortcomings in the relationship and being willing to work on your shortcomings. Break ups can be very difficult emotionally and mentally, so it is important that you reach out and lean on your support systems. Contact your family and close friends, and explain the situation to them. Try to find someone close to you that you can talk to and that you know is a good listener. Often, it is helpful to verbalize your feelings of anger, pain, hurt, or shame to a sympathetic listener. Depending on how close you are to your family or your friends, they may have seen you and your ex-partner together or they may have known you both well when you were together. They may be able to give you some insight and perspective on some of the possible issues in your relationship and ways that you can work on these issues. Be willing to listen to their advice, but remember that ultimately you will need to figure out how to work through your issues on your own. If you are struggling with the break up with your ex-partner and are not sure how to unpack your issues, you may want to look for a therapist or a counselor you can talk to. A therapist can guide you through any anger, pain, or guilt you are experiencing as a result of the break up and help you work on addressing your personal issues. Working on your issues with a good therapist will also show your ex-partner that you are willing to acknowledge any mistakes you made in the relationship and that you are focusing on cleaning up your act. This is particularly important if the relationship ended due to infidelity, boredom, sexual issues, mental health issues, or even communication issues.
Limit your contact with your ex-partner. Identify the issues that may have lead to the break up. Lean on family and friends. Seek professional support.