Q: Leave it to the intellectuals that study romance to coin a painfully unromantic phrase like “functional harmony”. Translating their findings into operable advice: Look for compatibility, not compromise.  While compromise is always necessary in any type of relationship, it cannot be the basis of a deeply gratifying romantic partnership. Too many compromises, even in a respectful and affectionate relationship, will leave you or your partner wondering about other romantic endeavors.  Demand more than attraction and compromise from your relationships, and you’ll wind up happier. Realize that the strength and enjoyment derived from your relationships with other human beings has little to do with their most apparent traits, especially physical traits.  Don’t waste time searching for an ideal partner.  Search for another person with whom you can share an ideal relationship. Do not let popular conceptions of ideal romantic partners effect the assumptions you make about who will be your ideal partner. Recognize that your assessment of a potential partner is unique to who you are. There’s beauty in this: your ideal relationship is the product of what you and your partner alone determine. While shared interests and mutual attraction might get the ball rolling, what will lead to a stable, fulfilling relationship?  Research indicates that our determination of potential romantic partners, and even our desire for a particular person, depends less on surface-level characteristics the more time we spend with them. The more you get to know someone, the more the deeper stuff matters. Pay attention to these characteristics to get an idea of whether you and someone you’re interested in might make an ideal partnership:  Sense of humor.  More than just an important part of your first date, a potential partner’s sense of humor can say a lot about the type of person they are.  If you tend to be amused by the same sort of wit, or simply laugh at similar scenarios, take this is a very good sign. Financial stability.  Not a fun topic, but it matters immensely in long term partnerships.  Look for someone who handles their finances similar to the way you do – or even better, so long as you’re willing to step up your financial maturity as well. Spirituality.  This is an incredibly meaningful aspect of many peoples’ identity.  Some people view religious practice as an essential aspect of their lives.  Some prefer to let science and reason entirely dictate their understanding of the world.  Be aware of someone’s spirituality, especially if it is an important part of their lifestyle or worldview. Our feelings about the world around us – even about existence itself – matter immensely to our personalities and behavior. Understanding reality in similar ways can predict strong relationships as well.  Recognize that psychological similarity – literally thinking like one another – makes for happy, healthy relationships. People who have comparably positive outlooks regarding immeasurable concepts (such as whether or not they consider themselves lucky) tend to gravitate towards one another and end up in fulfilling romantic partnerships. That can’t be all luck. Dating apps are a great way to meet people. In fact, 5% of Americans currently in marriages or long-term relationships met online. Just don’t expect a cute profile photo and a witty blurb to translate into romantic bliss.  It has happened, and will again, but do not let online dating experiences dictate your feelings about yourself or the type of relationship you’re looking for. The next hand you shake may fit perfectly in your palm, the next stranger sitting beside you on a train might make your day with a polite compliment, and the human that’s been looking for exactly the sort of ideal relationship you want to be a part of might accidentally lock their bike to yours tomorrow. Be patient, but be excited!
A: Cooperate more than compromise. Forget the phrase “ideal type”. Know what really matters to you. Weigh the importance of having similar worldviews. Do more than digi-date. Be patient.

Q: The easiest way to do this is to simply run some water into your bathtub as though you were about to take a nice relaxing soak. If your home doesn’t have a bathtub, you could also use a large bucket or a plastic or rubber storage container, so long as it’s watertight.  Whatever container you end up using should provide enough room for you to stand in with both feet comfortably. Assuming you have neither a bathtub nor another suitable type of container at your disposal, you also have the option of searching for a natural body of water to go tramping through, or wetting your shoes thoroughly with a garden hose or faucet. The exact quantity you put in will depend on the amount of water you’re working with. Aim to use about 1 tablespoon of salt for every 1⁄4 gallon (0.95 L) of water in your container. This will give you a salinity of about 3.5%, which is roughly the same as the water in the ocean.  You can pick up a bag of purified sea salt at the supermarket for just a few dollars. Incorporating salt into your soaking water will simulate the conditions of wearing your Top-Siders in and around the sea, which is perfect if you’re going for an aesthetic that’s more veteran seaman than preppy yacht club. Slip into the shoes and pull as much slack out of the laces to make sure that they’re nice and snug on your feet. The tighter you make them now, the more they’ll loosen up once you get them wet. Don’t wear socks with your boat shoes (unless you enjoy the feeling of soggy feet). Canvas and textile shoes will begin sponging up water right away. It may take a few minutes for leather, which has natural water-resistant properties, to become fully saturated. As you stand in the container, rock forward onto your toes and backwards onto your heels to stretch the material through its full range of motion. Watch your step when climbing into your soaking container. Even though boat shoes are made for wet wear, accidents happen. Step out of the container carefully, allowing the water that’s collected inside the shoes to drain out as you do. Then, pat the upper part of the shoes all over with a clean, dry towel to wick up the remaining moisture on the surface. They don’t need to be bone dry—just dab them until they stop dripping.  It’s a good idea to put down an absorbent layer, such as a bath mat or second folded towel, to avoid covering the floor with standing water. Some Sperrys (particularly textile models that have been dyed to deep shades) aren’t as color-fast as others. If possible, select a dark-colored towel that won’t show signs of staining in case of bleeding. For best results, go for a short walk or do some simple exercises to introduce more movement to the damp material. Boat shoes are designed to dry quickly, so you shouldn’t have to wait long. In no time at all, your brand-new Top-Siders will soften up and take on an organic lived-in look, like you’ve owned them for ages.  If you’ve got other things to do, or just don’t particularly feel like wearing wet shoes, leave a wooden shoe tree in your Sperrys while they air out instead.  Leather expands when it gets wet and shrinks as it dries. Together, these two reactions will result in a unique fit that feels tailor-made for your feet.
A:
Fill a spacious container with about 6 inches (15 cm) of warm water. Add some sea salt if you want to give your shoes a more weathered look. Put on your Top-Siders and lace them up tight. Stand in the water with your shoes on until they’re wet all the way through. Towel-dry your Top-Siders to remove excess water. Wear your shoes around as they air dry to let them conform to your feet.