Journaling is a useful means of identifying, evaluating, and correcting your own behavior.  Your journal can help you determine triggers for your behavior and allows you a safe place to be honest about your own reactions and how you would like to act differently in the future. Passive aggression can take on different forms, but the basic idea is that you were upset or angry about something and did not address your emotions directly.  Instead, you may have engaged in “revenge” in the form of one of the following:  Withdrawing from others Pouting Constantly complaining about being underappreciated or misunderstood by others Showing increasingly argumentative behavior Expressing dislike or criticism of authority figures Feeling envious and jealous of others often Over exaggerating your perspective that you have experienced personal misfortune, unfairness, and injustice Complying temporarily Being intentionally inefficient Letting a problem escalate Taking hidden but conscious revenge For example, if you are acting passive-aggressively towards a coworker, you may do some of the following: ruin work materials that she needs (hidden revenge), not tell her that you know her client is unhappy (letting a problem escalate), completing your portion of a cooperative project late on purpose (intentional inefficiency), or telling her you will help her on a project but not following through (temporary compliance). It is important to identify and eliminate faulty patterns of thought that were developed early in life. Get into the habit of sitting with your anger long enough to understand what it is trying to tell you. Then, to eliminate these thought processes, first identify when and how they are occurring. Look back and try to recall specific details about your behavior. It can be helpful to view the circumstances as a third-party observer would, being as objective as possible. Examine the circumstances and motivations that bring out your passive aggressive actions. Consider the following questions:  How did your family members handle anger when you were a child? Who triggered your emotions or behavior? How did you feel during the incident? When and where did the incident happen? What outside factors may have influenced your behavior or feelings? How did the situation play out? What could you do differently in the future to avoid and/or resolve the conflict? Generally, passive-aggressive behavior manifests as deliberate contradictions between what you say and do (passive) and how you feel (angry/aggressive).   The following are common manifestations of passive-aggressive behavior:  Offering public support but indirectly resisting, procrastinating or undermining the successful completion of social and occupational tasks Agreeing to do something and not following through or pretending to forget Giving someone the silent treatment but not letting the person know why Pleasing people in public but demeaning them behind their backs Lacking the assertiveness to express your feelings and desires but still expecting others to know what they are Overlaying positive comments with pointed sarcasm or negative body language Complaining of being misunderstood and unappreciated by others Being sullen and argumentative without offering constructive ideas Blaming others for everything while avoiding responsibility Unreasonably criticizing and scorning authority to your peers Responding to unwelcome authority with covert, dishonest actions Repressing emotions in fear of conflict, failure or disappointment Expressing envy and resentment toward those apparently more fortunate Voicing exaggerated and persistent complaints of personal misfortune Alternating between hostile defiance and contrition Predicting negative outcomes before even starting the work A passive-aggressive person engages in a specific type of passive aggression called temporary compliance when he agrees to a task and is then intentionally late in completing it. He may be late because of procrastinating, arriving late to meetings or check-ins, or misplacing important documents. People often engage in temporary compliance when they feel underappreciated but don't know how to appropriately express these feelings. With intentional inefficiency, a person values the opportunity to be hostile more than he values his own competence. An example of this would be an employee who continues to produce the same amount of work with the quality of the work significantly decreasing. People who are confronted about their inefficiency often play the role of a victim. This kind of behavior can be self-destructive as well as inconvenient to others. Letting a problem escalate is a passive aggressive behavior whereby an individual refuses to confront or address a problem that he is aware of. Instead, he lets the problem build until it becomes a bigger problem. Hidden but conscious revenge means an individual is secretly undermining the individual who has upset them. This can take place in the form of gossip or other undetected acts of sabotage such as spreading rumors or getting other people to pick your “side.” When you think about your actions (or read through your journal), try to find patterns in your behavior.  Were there specific elements that contributed to your passive-aggressive response in multiple situations?  Many people who struggle with anger or passive-aggression experience “triggers,” which can activate a disproportionately emotional response from them.  Triggers are usually tied to past emotions or memories (even if you aren't consciously aware of them).  Some common triggers include:   Feeling out of control of your own life, another person's actions, your environment, or your life situation Believing that someone is trying to manipulate you Getting mad at yourself for making a mistake Denying what you truly feel is part of the problem with passive aggressive tendencies. You don't want others to know that you are angry, hurt, or resentful, so you act as if you aren't. Your feelings only intensify and become more irrational because you haven't provided yourself a healthier outlet for them.  Therefore, it is important to allow yourself to feel and acknowledge your emotions so that you can deal with them in a healthier way.

Summary: Use a behavior journal. Identify incidents in which you acted passive-aggressively. Record information about what happened. Pinpoint discrepancies between your thoughts and behaviors. Avoid temporary compliance. Do not be intentionally inefficient. Try not to let problems escalate. Stay away from hidden but conscious revenge. Find patterns in your behavior. Accept your emotions.


In addition to pruning your spirea shrub, you might also consider dividing it. After a few years, shrubs like spirea can become a little lackluster. Dividing them at the root is one way to revive them and remove old growth. You’ll also get more plants by doing this. A cloudy overcast day is a good time for dividing plants as the roots dry out too much in sunny hot weather once they are exposed above ground. Give your plant a good watering the day before you plan to divide it. The day after watering, dig out the plant and remove as much soil as possible from the roots without damaging them. A hosepipe works well for this. To divide your plant:  Using something like a spade or saw, cut the root crown into quarters. Each piece should have a healthy bit of root and above-ground growth. Remove any old root sections at the narrow tip and get rid of any damaged roots or any parts of the plant that seem rotten. Give the parts of the plant above ground a prune when you do this, removing any damaged or dead growth and some of the thicker oldest wood stems. Replant the root sections and you’ll have new, vigorous growth when the plant re-emerges in the spring.
Summary: Consider dividing your spirea. Divide your spirea in the late fall when the plant is dormant. Divide your spirea. Give the roots a prune after you have divided them.