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Remind yourself that your wife is depressed, which can affect her thoughts, moods, feelings, and behaviors. She isn’t hostile, stupid, or out to get you; she is suffering. While it may be easier to fire back or react to your wife’s negativity, be patient with your wife. If your wife is expressing much negativity or going on about difficult things, patiently listen and be there for her. Say, “I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time.” While it’s important to empathize and be loving toward your wife during her depression, don’t be afraid to gently push her to get outside of the depression zone. Invite her to go to social functions, exercise, or do activities she enjoys.  If she is debating going to a meditation group or book club, encourage her to do so. If she’s on the fence about attending a family function, gently explain the benefits of going without pushing her to go. Offer to go with her as a support person to activities she may be interested in. You may not know how to respond to your wife or what you can do to help her. Don’t assume you know what to do to help; instead, ask her what she needs. She may need a hug, a break from chores or housework, or a good night’s sleep. Say, “I want to help you through this hard time. What can I do that can make your life easier?” Laughter is the enemy of depression. Find ways to laugh together, such as watching comedy movies or funny video clips. Draw on your sense of humor and share it with your wife. Do things to brighten your wife’s day, or do things you think may help her laugh (or at least smile). Attending therapy with your wife may be helpful in finding ways to cope together. If you’ve never experienced depression, family therapy can help you understand what it’s like to have depression and find ways to help support your wife. Attending therapy with your wife can encourage her to seek support and continue going to therapy to treat depression.
Be patient. Support her in pursuing activities. Ask how you can help. Find ways to laugh. Engage in family or couple’s therapy.