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It’s hard to have a good conversation when you’re upset. Wait until you and your parents have all had a chance to cool down. Then, sit down to talk about how you feel and what you need from them.  It’s helpful to schedule a time to talk. For instance, you might say to your parents, “I really need to talk to you. Do you think you’ll have a few minutes after dinner to sit and talk with me?” If you know your parents had a stressful day, it’s likely best to wait until another time. to what your parents have to say. It might be hard sometimes, but do your best to calmly listen to your parents’ view on what’s happening. As you listen, try to figure out what their main reasons are for feeling the way they do. This will help you understand what concerns you need to address. After your parents stop talking, try to paraphrase what they said back to them so you’re all on the same page. Say, “It sounds like you’re worried I’m going to fall behind on my school work if I go out on the weekend,” or “It sounds like you think I’m dating someone who’s too old for me.” You probably have days when in seems like your parents don’t understand you at all. This might be true, especially if you have a hard time opening up to them. To help your parents understand you better, tell them how you feel and what’s going on in your life. Then, discuss what you hope they’ll do to help you.  You might say, “Right now I feel really overwhelmed with school. To make things worse, my friends are all hanging out without me because I’m not allowed to go to parties. I know you’re worried about me, but I’m old enough to make responsible decisions. I’m hoping you’ll let me go to parties with my friends if I check in often.” You could also say, “I know my grades have gone down a lot this semester, and I’m just as upset as you guys. I’ve been feeling really depressed these past few months, so it’s hard to concentrate. Also, I’m having trouble keeping up with my assignments. I want to make positive changes, but I’m not sure where to start. I’m worried that you’ll just punish me instead of helping me get better.” Your parents are probably going to say the wrong thing sometimes, but it’s important that you keep your cool. They’re more likely to listen to you if you don’t yell or snap at them. If your parents are being rude, mean, or insensitive, let them talk. Then, calmly state how they made you feel.  For instance, let’s say you failed an important test and your parent yells, “You should be embarrassed by this grade! You’re being so lazy!” This would be so hurtful to hear! You might respond with, “I feel really bad about this grade, and it hurts my feelings that you’d call me lazy. I studied really hard for this test, but I must not have understood the material.” Similarly, let’s say you have a date and your parent disapproves. They might say, “You’re going to get with this loser and ruin your whole future.” You might reply, “I understand you’re worried, but it hurts my feelings that you think that way. I’m a smart, hardworking person, so please don’t assume the worst of me.” It’s likely that your parents want the best for you and that they’re trying to keep you from making mistakes. However, that can make them be overly strict sometimes, which is super annoying. When your parents are irritating you or being unreasonable, think about how you would feel in their place. Then, look for positive motives for their decisions.  For instance, let’s say your parents won’t let you go to a music festival with your friends. That can be so frustrating, especially if everyone you know is going. However, you might recognize that they’re only making that decision because they’re worried you might get hurt at the festival. Similarly, your parents might constantly annoy you about your grades and homework. While this might be irritating, you might consider that they’re just trying to help you succeed in school and set yourself up for a bright future. It might be really hard to talk to your parents, especially if you’ve been arguing a lot. If this is the case, look for fun, easy topics you can talk about with your parents. Then, try to have at least one conversation with them every day. This will help you communicate with them better.  For example, let’s say you and your parents both enjoy watching a local sports team. You might talk to them about how the team is performing or which players you like best. If you have a pet, tell your parents stories about you and your pet. Talk about what you’re watching on TV, what you’re studying, or what you plan to do over the weekend.
Pick a time when you are both calm. Listen Explain how you feel to help your parents understand you. Respond calmly when your parents say something upsetting. Try to see things from your parents’ point-of-view. Discuss casual topics with your parents so you have better communication.