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Be aware of the difference between falling in love and staying in love. Consider how you both deal with conflict in your relationship. Think about if you both have similar priorities and life goals. Determine if you and your girlfriend have the four dimensions of intimacy. Ask your friends and family how they feel about your girlfriend.
While there are many complicated feelings associated with falling in love with someone, it is usually a very passive and emotional experience. But staying in love can be incredibly difficult and requires a more active and involved approach to the relationship.  Think of “love” as a verb, or an action you have to continue to reinforce and support as you move forward in your relationship. Consider how your girlfriend actively contributes and cultivates her relationship with you, and if your relationship is just as good, if not better, than when you first fell in love. Through action and words, your girlfriend can reinforce and commit to the relationship every day, even in small or seemingly insignificant ways. Most couples with poor conflict resolution skills engage in Fight, Flight, or Freeze behaviors. So, they fight and stay mad, sometimes holding grudges or resentment for months or years. They take flight and avoid uncomfortable or difficult issues by sweeping them under the rug. Or, they freeze up emotionally and shut down, blocking out any attempts at communicating or discussing the issue.  Successful couples who are committed to the relationship for the long term will try to work on solving any problems and letting them go. They will focus on taking care of the issue, rather than attacking each other or freezing each other out. In a healthy, loving relationship, both partners should be able to forgive and forget, as any lingering resentment that is not addressed and dealt with can lead to further drama or conflict down the line and will work against sustaining the relationship for the long term. This is an important step to committing on a practical level to being with your girlfriend and will be an important step for her commitment to you. Opposites may attract, but they rarely make for a good long-term relationship, and compatibility in your tastes and preferences, as well as your values, priorities, and life goals, will help to create a deep and lasting connection between you and your girlfriend. Authors Ronald Adler and Russell Proctor II identified four ways we can feel closely connected with our significant other: physical, emotional, intellectual, and shared activities. Complete the following exercise to see if you and your girlfriend have all four dimensions of intimacy:  List the four dimensions in a vertical line. Write Partner A and Partner B on top of the list of dimensions. Next to each dimension, rank whether it is a “Must” have, a “Should” have, or a “Could” have for your relationship. Pass the list to your partner, and have them rank the dimensions. Or, mark down how you think your partner would prioritize these dimensions. The more “must-must” and “must-should” combinations between you and your partner, the greater the possibility of an intimate and long term relationship. Since no relationship is static, especially a healthy, loving one, the rankings of each dimension may evolve to be even more compatible over time. Understanding each other’s priorities, especially in these core areas, will help to ensure long term success in a relationship and staying in love. If the people closest to you are encouraging you to break up or get away from your girlfriend, this may be an indication the person is not for you. Though it’s important to trust your own instincts and feelings, it’s usually a positive sign if your friends and family support your relationship with your girlfriend and think you have long term potential together.