Summarize the following:
Pay attention to how the person you suspect of talking behind your back speaks to your face. Someone who talks about you behind your back is often angry or upset with you. These emotions can come through in how they interact with you, such as thinly veiled jabs or backhanded compliments.  Even if the someone negates their nasty comments with a, “just kidding,” it may be that they are having trouble hiding their anger. An example of a backhanded compliment might be, “Congrats on getting in. I hear that’s great…for a state school.” Someone who talks about you behind your back may not want to be honest with you about their feelings. Asking the person a question or two can help you determine if they’re hiding something from you. If the person is reluctant to answer or seems as though they are lying, that may mean they have been airing their grievances elsewhere. If you suspect someone is unhappy with your performance on a group project, for example, you might ask, “Are you mad about the project?” If they avoid you or say they don’t want to talk, it’s possible they’ve been talking to others about their feelings. Go to a friend you know you can trust and ask them if someone has been talking about you behind your back. Assure them that you will not implicate them if you confront the person who has been doing it. Let them know that you simply want to understand what you may have done to deserve this treatment because it’s hurting your feelings.  You might say, “I think Lisa is talking about me behind my back. Have you heard any rumors? I wouldn’t ever tell her you told me, but I’m confused about why she’s mad at me.” It’s vital not to violate the trust of your friend who sheds any light on the talking behind your back. They are potentially exposing themselves to rumors and the anger of others by confiding in you. Someone who gossips to you about other people behind their backs also likely talks about you behind your back. If you have many friends like this, it may help to distance yourself from them if you don’t want them talking about you. The next time they try to talk behind someone else’s back to you, gently stop them. You could say, “You know, I really don’t like to gossip about other people like this. I think it’s unkind. Plus, we wouldn’t want someone doing that to us, right?”
Listen for backhanded compliments. Notice if the person avoids your questions. Approach a trusted friend and ask if they’ve heard any rumors. Pay attention to how the person talks about others.