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Identify what you want in a relationship. Move slowly and cautiously. Talk to your new partner about your triggers. Don’t try to sabotage the relationship. Don’t have any contact with your abuser. Leave the relationship if you see warning signs of abuse.
Make a list of qualities that you think are important in a partner and in a relationship. This will help you identify what’s most important to you. It will also help you figure out what will make you feel safe and loved. It’s likely that you will be cautious in your new relationship. It can take a while to build trust with someone new in the best of circumstances, and when you have experienced abuse, this process can take a long time. But it’s important that you don’t dive into a relationship too quickly. You need to allow yourself to grow the relationship in a healthy way. You need to make sure you are communicating your needs to your partner. This involves talking to him or her about your triggers. Then you will be able to work together to build a relationship where you feel safe and loved. For example, shouting might trigger your anxiety. In this case, you might ask your partner not to yell when he watches basketball games on TV. When you are entering a new relationship after an abusive one, it can be hard to trust the other person. You may become overly critical and fabricate reasons to break up.  You may even feel like doing something that forces the other person to leave you, such as cheating on him. This action is your way of telling your partner that you’re not worth being with. But this isn’t true. You do have a lot to offer the relationship. When you are building a new relationship, you are relearning ways of interacting. You may have found a kind, gentle person to date. But if you have any contact at all with your abuser, you are reminded of how intimate relationships can be. Surround yourself with loving, healthy relationships. These will serve as good examples for building your own new intimate relationship. If you think your new partner is heading down the path to abuse, you should leave the relationship immediately. It’s better not to give him the benefit of the doubt, given what you’ve already been through.