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People are often reluctant to admit that they are afraid of something and this may be undermining their confidence and courage. In order to begin building courage, you need to determine your specific fear.  You may not even be aware of your specific fear(s) until you begin to think about what causes you to lack courage.  Write a list of your fears as you figure them out. This may help you to develop a plan to overcome them and build your courage. This will likely not be an easy exercise because it often causes a person to feel embarrassed or ashamed. The lack of courage, or timidity, often stems from some form of fear that is learned through experience or memory. Identifying the sources of your specific fears can help you to begin taking proactive steps to change this behavior and ultimately gain courage in any situation.  Thinking about specific experiences that may have contributed to your lack of confidence and countering them with positive experiences can help to get you in the proper frame of mind to start building your confidence and courage. For example, perhaps you fear rejection by the opposite sex because someone rejected you once before. To offset this fear, think about situations where the opposite sex has welcomed you.  If you cannot identify a specific experience that is the source of your fear, it may be from a memory or a social fear, such as of the shame of failure. For example, if you’ve never touched a snake, but are afraid of them, this may stem from someone related to you either telling you that snakes are dangerous. You can offset memory fears by actively thinking about when and how these fear may have been realized in the past. Thinking about your fears and their sources can help you to grow out of them over time. Simply acknowledging your fears may be the only thing you need to overcome them. Just as it’s important to identify your fears, you should also recognize that you also possess courage in many situations. Taking the time to acknowledge that you are courageous can help you to figure out how to apply this quality to situations in your life that cause timidity.  Everyone possesses courage in some way, even if it’s “hidden” or seemingly simple. For example, you may be open to moving often to other parts of your country or world, which requires courage not only to start over in new situations but also to take the risk of possible failure. Recognizing your courage can help you to develop your behavior and begin building courage in every aspect of your life. Once you’ve identified your specific fears and recognized situations where you exhibit courage, develop a concrete plan to work on building your courage. Having an explicit strategy you can follow may help you stay on track if you have setbacks or see your progress over time.  Write out your plan and update it as necessary. Having a tangible list can help motivate you. For example, if you are afraid of driving alone on a highway, you can develop a plan to help you get used to it until you have the courage to take on the task. Your plan might include the items “ride in the passenger seat on the highway, drive with a friend or family member on major roads, drive alone on major roads, drive with a friend or family member on a highway, drive alone on the highway.”
Determine your specific fears. Figure out the cause of your fears. Recognize your courage. Develop a concrete plan to build your courage.