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Before you can develop an apology, you need to identify what you did to upset the person. It is important to know which of your specific actions led to the person being upset with you. If you are uncertain about why the person is mad at you, you should ask what specific things upset them.  Example scenario 1: I embarrassed my friend by making a scene at his party. Example scenario 2: I snapped at my spouse and was irritable and short all day In addition to understanding what you did to upset someone, you also need to understand why you did it. While you don't want to use your intentions as an excuse, your reasons may help you develop your apology by helping you to take responsibility for your actions.  Example scenario 1: I made a scene at the party because I was feeling left out and wanted more attention. Example scenario 2: I treated my spouse this way because I did not sleep well the night before and I had a lot of things on my mind. It is important to develop a sense of empathy for the person to whom you are apologizing. Having empathy means that you understand why your actions hurt the other person because you have put yourself in their shoes and imagined their pain. Without empathy, your apology may end up sounding empty and insincere.Before apologizing to someone, take the time to develop your empathy for the person. Imagine if the same thing had happened to you. How would you feel? What would you do?  Example scenario 1: If my friend made a scene at a party I was giving, I would feel angry and betrayed. Example scenario 2: If my spouse had snapped at me for no reason and treated me badly all day, I would feel hurt and confused. Apologizing can be hard because it requires you to admit that you have done something wrong. Just remember that by apologizing, you are not admitting to being a bad person. One study found that taking a few moments to affirm your good qualities (in private, before you apologize to someone) can make the apology easier. Try taking a moment to yourself before your next apology, look at yourself in the mirror, and say three things that you like about yourself. If you have many things that you need to say to the person, you may want to write out your apology before you apologize. By writing your apology out, you will have an easier time knowing what you need to say. You can also keep the notes with you when you actually apologize to remind yourself.  By taking the time to write out your apology, you will demonstrate to the other person that you have thought long and hard about your mistake. Your apology will be understood as even more sincere as a result. Apologizing in person is preferable. But if you cannot reach the person by phone or in person, you can still email or snail mail your apology to the person.
Think about what you did to upset the person. Understand why you did what you did. Empathize with the person you wronged. Remember that your mistake does not make you a bad person. Write out your apology.