Summarize:

Responding with anger or strong emotions when your teen acts out puts them in the power position. Rather than giving away your power, maintain it by keeping your temper under control. This might involve deep breathing, counting, or deflecting with humor. Do whatever you need to keep yourself cool and collected. Try not to let your teen see you losing it, if you can help it. Troubled teens are frequently stigmatized, so they may feel like no one understands.  Practice empathy and show them that you "get" what they’re going through. This builds a better connection between you.  Validate their experience by saying something like, “I can see this is hard for you.” Reflect on a tough experience from your own teenage years and share it with them. It's important to set clear and consistent limits with troubled teens. Let them know what kind of conduct is expected and explain the consequences of not following the rules.  To create a more cooperative environment, you might brainstorm some suitable rules upfront and then sit down with your teen and get their input. You'll have the final word, but they may be more likely to comply if they have some input on rules and consequences. They may not have a say in all household rules, but asking a teen “Which chores would you prefer?” or “What do you think is a reasonable curfew?” can help them feel more independent. Then, they won't need to test your authority so much. Create clear guidelines for how things work in your household and require that everyone stick to the plan. Come up with set meal times, times for homework, leisure time, and bedtimes for all your children.  If your teen is struggling in school, you might decide that they need less screen time and more time for studying—at least until their grades improve. Though they may rebel against it, teens need (and actually want) structure in their lives. When you see your teen engaging in constructive activities, such as completing chores or doing homework, praise their efforts. This increases the likelihood that they will do it again in the future.  Positive reinforcement may also involve ignoring negative or undesirable behaviors and only bringing attention when the teen is doing what they should be doing. For example, if the teen misses curfew by a few minutes, you might not say anything. However, when they arrive well before curfew, you might say, “I really appreciate you being responsible and making curfew tonight!” Teens might act out because they don't know how to channel the intense emotions they feel on a day-to-day basis. Relaxation exercises, yoga, martial arts, woodworking, and painting are all great activities they can use to deal with uncomfortable feelings. You might say, “Instead of punching a wall when you're angry, why don't you practice mindfulness meditation, so you can learn to sit with uncomfortable emotions?”
Stay calm. Step into their shoes for a moment. Communicate firm rules and consequences. Provide structure in daily life. Reinforce positive behaviors. Teach them how to deal with negative emotions.