Article: What is it that you are doing with your apologies? Trying to minimize yourself or come off differently? Maybe you are trying to avoid conflict or seek approval. Explore these questions thoroughly. Try free-writing your answers to see your knee jerk opinions about the issue. Also consider who you apologize to most often. Your significant other? Your boss? Examine these relationships and what your apologies are accomplishing with those specific people. When you apologize too often, you may end up with a stifled internal sense of your feelings. The apology may become about the end result of being seen differently by someone else and less about your your own feelings of the situation. Dig into your feelings when you are tempted to apologize and notice what you find.  Oftentimes apologies correspond to feelings of inadequacy which can be resolved through acceptance of oneself and a renewed look at your power and worth.  When working on adjusting longstanding habits tied to self-esteem, the assistance of a therapist or other mental health professional can be useful. As we know, everyone makes mistakes. This means you don't need to apologize for having a stain on your shirt or needing three tries to get your parallel parking just right. These mistakes may be silly or embarrassing, but knowing that everyone is fallible will help you realize that making mistakes is not a big deal, and we don't need to be hyper-focused on our errors. This focus holds us back from growth and change. Recognize that your mistakes are what help you grow. If a mistake causes you inconvenience or even pain, there is always the opportunity to learn from the experience and grow from it. . Endless apologies and self-recrimination are an indication that you have become a guilty person rather than just feeling guilty for wrongdoings. Start working through your guilt by making efforts to be more compassionate toward yourself, adjusting unrealistic standards, and recognizing that which you cannot control.  For example, you may believe that you "should" be a cheerful person all the time and feel guilty when you are not. However, this is an unrealistic standard for yourself as we all have our bad days. Instead, show yourself a little compassion when you're not feeling like your usual cheerful self. Tell yourself, "Today I'm having a hard day, and that's okay. All of us have hard days sometimes, so I will let myself feel how I feel. I will not let others push me to be happy when I don't feel like it." Remember that there's only so much you can control in life. In fact, you can only control your own actions and responses. For example, if you leave in plenty of time to get to a meeting and still end up arriving late because of an unforeseen traffic accident, this is not your fault as it was not within your control. You can explain what happened, but you don't have to feel guilty or apologize for it. An overly apologetic style sometimes shows a lack of defined values. This is because apologizing focuses on others' reactions to know what is right and wrong. Instead of basing your value system on others' approval, take steps to develop your own values.   Defining your values will give you a clear sense for how to handle different situations and make decisions that come from your own internal compass. For example, consider a few people whom you admire. What do you respect about them? How can you implement these values in your own life? Frequent apologizing can have many detrimental effects on relationships. As you are changing your speech away from frequent apologies, let people close to you know what you are doing and why. Without apologizing for your past behavior, tell loved ones that you are making a change that you hope will positively impact you and hopefully them too.  You could say something like, "I've realized that I apologize too much, and that this can make my loved ones feel uneasy around me. I'm working on becoming less apologetic for things that don't require it." Share any part of what you've learned about over-apologizing or about yourself that you think is relevant to the person. Make it clear that as you gain confidence in yourself, they may see changes in you that you would like to see accepted. If any of your relationships depend on your being apologetic or having committed some wrong, this is unhealthy and should be addressed. Saying "sorry" is also used as a way to make a direct statement, or to speak your mind, without coming across as bossy or aggressive. So, chances are good that over-apologizing downplays your power and softens what you do. Embrace your power by realizing that power does not mean that you are violent or selfish deep down.  On the contrary, your power gives you the ability to impact others just by being who you really are. This is the power to have the influence you want to see in the world around you.  Notice and appreciate that you have skills and qualities that people recognize, and that that is something to cherish--not to deny. Next time you have an idea you want to share, don't start off with something like "I'm sorry to bother you, but...." Simply be direct, confident and respectful. For example: "I have some ideas I'd like to share with you about our new direction. When would you have a few minutes to talk?" This is not pushy or aggressive, but it is also not apologetic when there is no need to be. Apologies are often requests for reassurance from those we care about. When we hear friends, family, or others we respect say "it's okay" or "don't worry about it", we understand that we will still be loved and accepted by them despite perceived shortcomings. The following are some tools for reassuring yourself so that you don't need to seek it through apologizing to others:   Affirmations are personalized mantras that help you gain confidence in yourself and use this confidence to create positive change, for example, "I am good enough, just as I am."  Positive self-talk gives you a way to turn the negative thoughts that feed insecurities into encouraging and helpful thoughts. For example, next time you hear your inner critic say something unhelpful, challenge it with a positive statement: "I have good ideas, and people believe they are worth hearing."
Question: What is a summary of what this article is about?
Question yourself. Explore your feelings. Accept your mistakes. Eliminate residual guilt Develop your values. Move relationships forward. Embrace your power. Find other sources of reassurance.
Article: When looking at a flirting situation, it often takes two to tango. The other girl may initiate the flirting with your boyfriend, but your boyfriend may play a part, too. Try to look closely at their interaction to see if they're both flirting or if it's really one-sided.  The point of analyzing the situation is to see how to better deal with it. Once you figure out who exactly is involved with the flirtation, you can decide whether to deal with just the other girl, your boyfriend, or both. It can also help you decide when to time any conversations you have. For instance, if she's leaning in close to him, batting her eyelashes, or puffing out her chest, she's flirting with him, especially if she engages in flirty banter. If he leans in close to her and encourages the banter, then he's flirting back. If he doesn't engage in the behavior with her, he's trying to shut down the flirting. If your boyfriend's not engaging, focus on dealing with her in the moment. You can find tips on doing so in another section of this article. You don't have to get mean, but you can deal with the flirting in subtle but meaningful ways that will help get the point across.  You can simply raise your eyebrows at her to let her you know what she's doing. You may also choose not to deal with it. If you're out in public, you may just want to move on. If your boyfriend is either starting or engaging in the behavior, wait to deal with him until you can talk to him in private. That way, you don't start a serious discussion in public, and you can do it when you aren't so agitated.
Question: What is a summary of what this article is about?
Step back and look at the situation objectively. Focus on her if she's the problem. Wait to deal with him.