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Bad news can also take the form of something less serious, such as a disappointment. For example, you might feel disappointed when you hear the news that you got a lower grade than you expected in a class, or that someone you like is not interested in you. Try to develop your ability to handle disappointment, such as by identifying something positive in the situation or putting the situation into perspective.  For example, you might say to yourself, “I may have only gotten a C in Chemistry, but at least I passed and I got much higher grades in my other classes. Chemistry just isn’t my thing.” Or, you might tell yourself, “It is disappointing that she is not interested in dating me, but I deserve to be with someone who can appreciate me. Knowing the truth now is better than being in a one-sided relationship.” It is extremely common to not feel much of anything when you first hear the news. You may feel numb, like you are going through the motions. While other people around you may be crying upon hearing the bad news, for example, you may be sitting there in stony silence. Understand that this is normal and does not usually last very long. That feeling of numbness is the brain’s self-protection mechanism to not let too much trauma flow in at once. Slowly you will begin to process the feelings associated with the bad news. Don’t bottle them up. You are processing this news and your brain needs to work through it. You work through it by letting your feelings flow through and out of you without judgment. Fear, sadness, anger… whatever you feel is appropriate and normal.  It is okay to cry if you hear someone else’s bad news (for example, if your friend tells you he is seriously ill), but do not make the person in crisis comfort you. You could say, “Don’t worry about me, I’m just so sad to hear this bad news.” Your brain will probably be replaying the news over and over again. It’s your mind’s way of getting used to the new information. It’s tiring and annoying but normal. Processing bad news can be exhausting. Take a break from it if possible and do something you find enjoyable. The problem may be at the back of your mind, but busying yourself for a while will give you a sense of normality. You may even find yourself feeling a bit better. You might decide to see a comedy with your friends, go shopping, read a book, or do a puzzle. Find people you trust who can be a shoulder to cry on as you process your bad news. Look for friends, family, clergy, or others who can listen supportively without offering advice or judgment. Make sure you are talking to people who can support you in the bad news, not the people who are currently experiencing the bad news. If you found out that your mother has cancer, for example, you may be devastated and need support of your own. However, you need to seek support from someone other than your mother, who is dealing with the biggest crisis. You may find it beneficial to seek out more structured, professional help for a number of reasons. Perhaps you just moved to a new city and have no one local to talk to. Or maybe you are tired of relying on your friends to be ready to talk to you. Talking to a counselor or joining a support group will help you feel like you are not alone, and give you strategies to help you cope.  Find a support group whose members deal with the problem you are facing. You can contact local hospitals, community service agencies, or look online for local groups near you. Seek counseling if you are struggling to cope with your bad news, and/or do not have a support network available. While your bad news may genuinely be catastrophic and traumatic, keep in mind that these difficult, overwhelming feelings will not last forever. Time is a good healer, and with each passing day you may find yourself working through your feelings and slowly figuring things out. You will find a new normal. Be patient with yourself, as this does not happen overnight.  Do your best not to ruminate on the future, creating worst-case scenarios in your mind. This creates additional stress, which you certainly don’t need right now.  For example, if you find yourself worrying about far-off possibilities, like leaving the country to seek medical treatment, or wondering if you will need to take out a second mortgage on the house, it is probably time to distract yourself with a self-care activity. Continue to believe in yourself and have faith in the world around you that things will turn out for the best. You may have to overcome obstacles, but believe in your ability to surmount them and succeed. Feeling confident in your ability to handle a situation translates into a greater likelihood of success. Pretend you are a superhero: There’s trouble, but you have the power to fix it. Perhaps you could have done something differently to avoid your bad news, like studied for your test or been faithful to your spouse, for example. Take some time to reflect on what you could do differently next time. Thinking about what you’ve learned from this experience will help you avoid repeating history, as well as help you maintain a positive attitude. It’s easier to stay positive if you are able to reframe your bad news as a life lesson. Don’t be afraid to try again. Oftentimes, one of the consequences of bad news or bad decisions is that you are afraid to take future risks. Remember that by spending time reflecting on what happened, you will be able to learn from the situation. You will have more understanding of what to do next time. People who are resilient will bounce back from bad news by reevaluating their goals and coming up with a new plan. They do not see bad news as roadblocks; rather, it is a detour, or another destination entirely.  Say, for example, that you have had to quit your dream job of owning your own massage therapy business because of a debilitating wrist injury. You are devastated, but while you are reflecting on what to do next, you remember how your favorite thing about massage therapy was helping people relax. Since you already know about running your own business, you decide to open a yoga studio. Develop a habit of reframing bad news into something positive. For example, you might say to yourself, “I didn’t get into my top choice college, but I did get into most of the other schools I applied to.” Or, “Even though getting laid off is scary, it is also exciting because I get to pursue a new career.”
Improve your ability to deal with disappointment. Know that you may be in shock. Feel the emotions that come to the surface. Distract yourself. Reach out to your support network. Look for professional support. Find perspective. Stay confident. Learn from your mistakes. Be flexible.