Do not cause undue stress on yourself as you try for your child by blaming yourself or feeling guilty. Many of the factors that cause miscarriages are unpredictable and unavoidable. Know that these circumstances are not your fault. Depending upon the criteria used, between ten and thirty percent of pregnancies are thought to end in miscarriage. Miscarrying does not automatically indicate that something is wrong biologically, or that you will never be able to carry a pregnancy to term. Recurrent miscarriages can cause stress and heartache that may bring about some stress-management techniques and lifestyle choices that are not optimal in the long run. Look for a supportive community, instead, to help you deal with the stress and pain in a more healthful way.  Ask your doctor about local support groups for mothers dealing with miscarriages or struggling to conceive. Look at online forums and message boards to get advice from and exchange stories with others going through similar hardships. If you have the means, consider finding a therapist or a counselor that deals specifically with family planning. Some may find it difficult to talk with those closest to them about their miscarriage, but seeking support from friends and family ultimately lets you feel uplifted by those closest to you, and may even provide some information to help you down the road.  Let your friends know that you are going through a difficult time, and ask them to be sensitive to this matter. Try saying, "I'm dealing the emotional aftermath of a miscarriage and I really need your friendship and support right now." Ask your friends if any of them have dealt with similar situations, and what, if anything, helped them overcome. Let your family know, and use that as an opportunity to ask about whether any of your female relatives have a history of miscarriages, as well. This may point to something hereditary rather than an individual anomaly or a lifestyle issue. There is no evidence that stress levels cause miscarriages in and of themselves, but stress does impact hormone levels, which can contribute to your baby's overall health in utero.  Remove stressful influences from your life. If a person tends to cause you undue stress, let them know that you cannot handle that at the moment. If your work causes you excess stress, tell your supervisor, "I fear that the stressful environment here may be impacting my health, and I would like to speak with you about creating a more stress-free environment." Calm yourself during a stressful situation by taking ten minutes to deep breathe or perform a body scan. Start by relaxing the muscles in your toes, and work your way up one body part at a time until you reach the top of your head.  Don't be afraid to walk away. When your main focus is getting yourself ready for your future child, there is no shame in saying that you can't do or take on more in that moment. Walk away from things that seem like too much at the moment. Women who experience recurrent miscarriages are at risk for depression and anxiety, two mental health issues that may impact your will to continue trying to build your family. If you notice symptoms of either, consult your doctor immediately to see if referral to a mental health professional is advisable.  Symptoms of depression include a feeling of sadness, feeling empty or hopeless, angry outbursts, loss of interest in daily activity, change in appetite, feelings of guilt, trouble concentrating, and more.  Symptoms of anxiety include feeling nervous or restless, a sense of impending doom, rapid breathing, increased heart rate, sweating, trembling, fatigue, trouble sleeping, uncontrollable worry, and more.

Summary: Avoid self-blame. Seek community support. Turn to friends and family. Reduce your stress. Watch for depression and anxiety.


You are the king or queen of your actions — no one is responsible for them but you. When you get behind the driver's seat after three too many drinks, that is your decision. In some ways, it may be more practical than getting on a bus or hailing a taxi, but it's still your decision. Whether you want to or not, you own up to your decisions at some point.  Realizing that you are completely responsible for your actions can leave you feeling overwhelmed or even paralyzed at first. You begin to realize that each of your actions has repercussions, and that those repercussions are wildly different than the ones you may have imagined when you acted in the first place. It's a scary thought. But ultimately, being completely responsible for your actions is empowering. You are the maker of your own destiny. Within certain norms, no one else can tell you what to do. Taking full responsibility for your actions gives you freedom. You begin to understand how habits can be metaphorical chains, and how breaking them can set you free. Make a simple pro/con list of what your habit gives you. Try to be viciously, unsparingly honest with yourself. You can do it. Here's a pro/con list, for example, of smoking:  Pros:  Feeling of calmness and energy from nicotine Helps with short-term stress Opportunity for social ice-breaker Helps me feel stylish   Cons:  Numerous and damaging long-term health problems Gets very addictive very fast Expensive If abused, cuts my life short by years Usually, we justify indulging in a habit we know is bad because we value the short-term rewards disproportionately over the long-term effects. And that's because we can't see the long-term effects — they're far off in the future, hard to judge, sometimes uncertain. It's much easier to see and feel the short-term benefits. For example, maybe you're a breakfast skipper. You're trying to lose weight, so you convince yourself to do it. In the short term, you may drop a couple of pounds and feel better about your body. But in the long run, those pounds are likely to come back (because you're not dieting properly), and you're planting the seeds of an eating disorder. You may feel empowered by your decision to bust all your bad behaviors — and that's good! But don't put the cart before the horse. Stick to busting one habit first. Trying to break all your bad habits at once can be seriously overwhelming; it's better to take your time and break one for good than to rush through the process and end up getting rid of none of your bad habits. If you happen to fall off the wagon and accidentally indulge in your bad habit, don't give up all hope. Pull yourself right back up and get back on track. Minor setbacks will happen — pretending that they won't is just not being honest with yourself. Instead, learn from your setbacks and try to ensure that they won't happen again.

Summary: Take complete responsibility for your actions. Start scrutinizing the consequences and rewards of your habits. Begin to weigh the short-term rewards with the long-term consequences. Stick to breaking one habit at a time. Don't take minor setbacks too seriously.


Always pick up the snake gently from the mid-body area, rather than the head or tail. Support its body as you hold it so that it feels safe and secure. Let it curl around your hands to explore. Some garter snakes will be afraid of being handled at first. This means that it may thrash in your hands. In this scenario, keep a firm hold of it so that it doesn't fall. Other scared snakes may produce a foul-smelling liquid called musk. This isn't harmful and you can simply wash it off. Practice handling the snake regularly and helping it to feel safe and secure so that it feels more comfortable being handled. If your snake is new, give it a few days to settle in first and make sure that it eats its first meal. Handle the snake regularly so that it can get used to you and learn to trust you. Over time, the snake will become more comfortable with being handled. Regular handling also provides a good opportunity for checking the snake's health. Make sure that there aren't small lumps over its body or a hollow popping sound when it breathes, as this could indicate a problem with internal parasites. Check the snake's body for puffy, white sores which can indicate a blister disease that is caused by living in conditions that are too moist. Also, make sure that the snake sheds properly and doesn't retain old skin around its eyes and tail. Take your snake to a veterinarian for treatment if it shows any of these symptoms.
Summary: Handle the snake by letting it climb through your hands. Take the snake out of the enclosure at least once per week. Check the snake regularly to make sure it is healthy.