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If your relationship with your former partner involved physical or emotional abuse, attempting to negotiate pet custody with them directly may not be the best option for you.  Breakups are seldom completely amicable, but unless there are abuse problems, you should be able to get your former partner to listen to reason. However, if your former partner was abusive, or if you suspect they might hurt your pet, call an animal law attorney immediately to learn your options. You can find an attorney by doing a general internet search for "animal law attorney" with the name of your city or state. You also may be able to find names through your state or local bar association's online directory. In some cases, animal law attorneys have been successful with getting restraining orders that include pets. If you're concerned for the safety of your pet as well as yourself, talk to a family law attorney who has experience with restraining orders. You also can seek help from a local domestic violence shelter. Ideally, you want to talk about pet custody in a private environment where the two of you can talk about the issues involved with a minimum of distractions.  You may want to choose a neutral location such as a local café or restaurant. Go for a time when you are both available, but try not to make it late at night or on a weekend when the place will be packed. Let them know what you want to talk about when you schedule the meeting. If they try to insult or demean you for making such a big deal over it, simply tell them that it means a lot to you and you'd appreciate it if they would give you the benefit of the doubt and take you seriously. When you call to schedule the meeting, try to keep your conversation civil. You want to meet and discuss the issue, but there's no need to get in a fight about it over the phone. According to state law, pets are considered property. This means that with pet custody, as with determining ownership of other items of personal property, the law favors the person in possession.  You may have heard the phrase "possession is nine-tenths of the law." This phrase is true in most cases and applies to the issue of pet custody. If your former partner already has taken your pet with them, coming to an agreement together may be the best chance you have of getting your pet back. If you end up having to take them to court and they already have possession of the animal, chances are the court will end up awarding custody to them. There are a lot of issues wrapped up in pet care, including food, activities, and veterinary care. Assuming that both of you love the pet and want what's best for the animal, you want to go over all of these aspects at your meeting with your former spouse.  Create an outline of your history with your pet, starting from the beginning. This can help you create arguments for why you should get pet custody after the breakup. For example, suppose you are the one who initially adopted the pet. Your former partner was reluctant at first and wanted nothing to do with it, but eventually came around and grew to love the animal. In that case, the fact that you originally adopted the animal works in your favor. It also helps if you are typically the one to take your pet to the vet or the groomer and buy its food. Money can be difficult if you and your former partner had a joint bank account. In that case, think about who provided most of the care and attention. You also may want to think about which of you the animal is more attached to – although typically that will be the person who most often feeds and cares for the pet. It can be difficult to hold back your emotions if you're particularly attached to your pet, but try to do your best to look at the situation objectively and determine which of you is best suited to take care of the animal.  Regardless of your feelings, if your former partner would take better care of your pet than you would be able to, you may want to let them have custody. Just make sure it's understood that you want to be able to come and visit your pet – for example, to visit once a week and take the dog for a walk in the park. On the other hand, if you have the time and money to adequately support your pet, use the reasons you wrote in your outline to explain to your former partner why you want custody of your pet. Breakups rarely happen for no reason. Tensions are bound to be high anyway, but the last thing you want to do is turn your pet custody meeting into a shouting match.  Try to keep in mind that you are there because you both love and care for your pet. If your former partner didn't care about the animal, they probably would have let you have it with no problem. If you find yourself getting angry or frustrated, turn your attention back to your pet. Keep your pet's face in your mind and remember what you're doing this for. It also can help to remind your former partner, if things start to get heated, that you're both there for your pet, not for each other. Assume that your former partner genuinely cares about your pet and its well-being. They may have serious concerns about your ability to provide adequate care for the animal.  You can only learn these concerns by keeping an open mind and listening carefully. Try to ask your former partner questions, if necessary, to draw out their reasons for not wanting to give you custody of your pet. By listening to your former partner's concerns, you may be able to find a solution that makes both of you happy and puts your pet in as good a position as it was before the breakup. For example, suppose your former partner is concerned you won't have time to take the dog for a walk during the day because you have a 30-minute commute to work and are gone all day. In that situation, you may be able to work out an arrangement in which you allow your former partner to come over during the day to walk the dog. In exchange, you could pay them a small amount (which could potentially save you from having to hire a stranger to walk your dog). . When you sit down and discuss the situation rationally, hopefully you and your former partner are able to come to an agreement regarding custody of your pet. If you do, draw up a written agreement that both of you can sign.  A signed written agreement is legally binding, but it's not necessary to stress that point. Nor do you need to hire a lawyer or draft a complex contract with lots of legalese. A simple agreement that outlines what you've decided is fine. Include everything you've discussed about your pet's care. Both of you should sign it, then make sure your former partner gets a copy of the signed agreement. To avoid any problems later, grab someone to witness the signatures, or take a photo on your phone of each of you signing the agreement.
Consider the context of the relationship. Schedule a private meeting. Do not relinquish possession of your pet. Take written notes to use as guidance. Use an objective, rational approach. Avoid insulting your former partner. Make an effort to listen. Put any agreement in writing