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Accept right now that your emotional needs will not be met by this person. Find a trusted friend or other confidante (a relative, counselor, or priest, for instance) who will provide a listening ear and understanding for those times you need to talk about your frustrations. Have a network of friends to fill the other emotional gaps left in your life.  If your wife has NPD, she may not share in your enthusiasm when you get a commendation at work because it doesn’t concern her personally. She may even receive this commendation negatively if she doesn’t get regular atta-girls at her job. Be prepared for a ho-hum response from her. Post a happy note on your social media or call a couple friends who will give you the high-fives you deserve. Every individual is unique, so educate yourself about Narcissistic Personality Disorder but also do your best to learn how your specific person with NPD processes his world. The better you understand that lens, the more you can adapt your approach to him so that you get the results you seek more often than otherwise.  Learn to anticipate how they will react given particular circumstances, then set up the scenario to obtain the results you want. Examine how they see you in their world, then try to fit that mold as comfortably as you can.  Don’t bend so much that you break, but manipulate the setting so there’s a happy medium. Remember to employ the grandmotherly maxim given to brides: He’ll do anything you want if you make him think it was his own idea. The better you know and understand your person with NPD, the more likely you can reach beyond the wall separating you to show that you truly care, which will benefit you both. You may find that a person with NPD responds well to the non-emotional favors you learn to do. This doesn’t mean, however, that you have to forego making emotional gestures from your own heart.  In fact, they may appreciate being able to show off to co-workers that you put a love-note in their lunch box. Keep in mind, however, that you probably won’t get any expression of appreciation at home that night. Your expression of caring will meet your own need of giving love without pain as long as you don’t expect them to react emotionally or to reciprocate your gesture. You’ve put yourself on the right track by starting to educate yourself about Narcissistic Personality Disorder. There are numerous support groups, books, and other resources with practical advice to help you survive this challenging relationship. Don’t forget that you aren’t the only person impacted by the narcissistic personality in your life. Share ideas with this person’s friends and co-workers who are trying to maintain a relationship with them. If there are children living with this person, make sure they are safe with this parent. Narcissistic parents can often be verbally or emotionally abusive. Take note if the children are lacking certain social skills because of their behaviors.Consider ways you can compensate or re-teach certain social skills so the children don’t become adults with similar behaviors.
Seek emotional support elsewhere. Educate yourself to improve your quality of life. Don’t forego making emotional gestures. Seek advice from other resources. Share ideas with other people. Monitor his children.