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You may jump to conclusions instead of getting all of the information first. Instead of jumping to conclusions or making a snap judgment, wait until you have all of the information. And while you’re at it, avoid planning your next move if you’re in an argument. Instead, ask questions and seek to understand the full situation before assigning a judgment or emotionally investing yourself. If you’re upset that your partner is late, don’t jump to conclusions as to why he may be late. Instead, gently ask what happened without coming across as judgmental or accusing. If someone is emotionally reactive in an argument, don’t meet this reactivity with more reactivity. Instead, practice active listening skills. Reacting to another person’s strong emotions will likely escalate the situation and will not contribute to a solution. For example, if someone is angry and is attacking you, don’t go straight to the defense. Instead, hear the person out, make an effort to understand her thoughts and feelings, ask questions, and calmly reply. By blaming, you automatically put someone on the defensive, which can lead to conflict. The other person may also be more likely to blame you back for something. Claim your emotions as a way of not blaming others and taking responsibility for your emotions. By claiming your emotions as your own, you gain control of them. Instead of blaming someone by saying, “You didn't show up and you blew me off again; you’re such a jerk,” say, “I felt really hurt and abandoned that you didn’t show this evening, and I felt confused that you didn't let me know you weren’t coming.”
Inquire before judging. Avoid reacting to emotional outbursts. Use “I” statements.