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It is important that you be able to talk with each other face-to-face if at all possible. While the statistic that 90% of human communication is non-verbal isn’t exactly true, non-verbal cues do play a huge part in how we interpret each other’s words and actions. It is helpful to be able to talk in person so that you can clarify what you’ve said and keep an eye on how the other person appears to be responding. You don’t want the other person to feel as though they’re obligated to talk with you. Instead, express your regret over the argument and invite them to express their feelings in a conversation. For example, you could send the other person an email or even a handwritten card or letter that says, “I’m sorry about our fight. I’d love to talk about it so I can understand your feelings better. Would you like to talk about it with me?” While you do want to convey your feelings about the argument, you also want to make sure the other person feels heard. Offer the other person the space to share their perceptions about the argument.  This also allows you to gain a better understanding of how the other person sees your role in the argument, which will help you as you form your apology. For example, you could say something like, “I’m so sorry I hurt you. Please help me understand what you were feeling.” If your feelings were hurt during the argument, it’s fine to express that. However, you should first listen to what the other person wants to say. Listening to them communicates that you value their feelings. Don’t interrupt the other person as they’re talking. Wait until they’ve finished, and then ask for any clarification you need. Don’t contradict them: making up is about accepting responsibility first, not determining who was more right than the other person. After the other person expresses a thought or feeling, try to put it into your own words. This not only shows that you’re paying attention, it offers space in case you misunderstood what they were saying. Once you’ve done this, ask for the other person’s feedback to check that you heard correctly. For example, if your friend tells you that they were really hurt and felt left out when you didn’t invite them to your Halloween party, restate what they told you in your own words: “I heard you say that you are hurt because I didn’t invite you to my Halloween party.” According to marriage and family therapists, an  effective apology incorporates “the three R’s”: regret, responsibility, and remedy.  Regret: This element is an expression of genuine regret that you caused the other person unhappiness or hurt. For example, you could say something like “I’m sorry that I hurt your feelings by not calling you when I said I would.” Responsibility: a good apology should speak only about your actions, and should not make any excuses for yourself (regardless of whether you think any exist). For example, try not to say things like “I’m sorry that I hurt your feelings, but you forget to call me all the time.” Instead, try something like, “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings by not calling you when I said I would. I know that was important to you.” Remedy: a good apology will also focus on how you can repair the hurt you caused. This element shows that you are not only sorry for what you did, you are willing to work to keep it from happening again. For example, this could be something like “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings by forgetting to call you. I know that was important to you. Next time, I’ll put a reminder in my calendar so I remember.” Acknowledge the other person’s feelings when you apologize. This expression is very important in allowing the other person to know that you mean your apology. It shows that you are actively trying to imagine the consequences of your actions and that you care about them. For example, try saying something like, “I can see why my going out with your ex without telling you would hurt you. You two had a rocky breakup and it sounds like you felt as though I went behind your back instead of being honest with you. I want you to know that our friendship means a lot to me.” ” Keep the focus on what you did and how you felt, rather than making accusations about the other person. If the other person feels accused, it may simply trigger another fight. For example, if your argument was about you saying something hurtful to a friend, don’t say “I’m sorry you were hurt by my remarks.” This puts the responsibility back onto the other person for feeling hurt, rather than accepting the responsibility for making the hurtful statement. Simply saying “I’m sorry” may end up coming across as dismissive. Instead, listen to the other person and then make your apology as specific as possible. Don’t stop at “I didn’t mean to.” This doesn’t matter. What matters is that you did hurt the other person. You can say that you didn’t mean to hurt the other person, but you should follow it by saying that you acknowledge it happened and you regret it. It can be so tempting to make an apology but then follow it with a disclaimer: “I’m so sorry I hurt you, but you were really mean to me.” This but can end up invalidating the entire apology for the other person. Keep your apology and your own statements about your feelings separate. One of the most damaging things that keep people from making up after fights and arguments is the determination to maintain that they were right. It’s okay to admit that you hurt the other person. Remember: admitting that you did something that hurt someone else isn’t the same as saying you intended to hurt them. For example, if your partner is upset because you forgot your anniversary, admit your fault: “I can see why you would feel hurt. I don’t want to hurt you, and I’m sorry I did.” In addition to saying you’re sorry, your apology should also make a future-oriented statement to let the other person know that you’re serious about maintaining your relationship. Say something like, “In the future, I will do X to keep this problem from happening again.” Saying that you’ll never hurt the other person again isn’t really truthful. It's natural for conflicts to arise. Instead, you can say you will take conscious action to avoid hurting them again.
Arrange to meet with them in person, if possible. Frame your invitation as an offer, not a demand. Give the other person space to talk. Listen to what the other person has to say. Verbalize your understanding of the other person’s feelings. Remember the “Three R’s”. Express empathy for the other person. Use “I” instead of “You. Don’t just say “I’m sorry”. Avoid the “but”. Don’t stand your ground. Talk about the future. Avoid making promises you can’t keep.